NEWSLETTER: "OPEN THIS NEWSLETTER AND WIN THE URL LOTTERY"
* SITE - Can you beat the 1% battery challenge?
* CHALLENGE - Ruin a James Bond poster
* BOOK - 99p Fesshole kindle book offer
-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the web by
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | by giving it a nice cup
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| of tea and a biscuit"
B3ta e-newsletter mail 964 - 12th Oct 2025
Read this issue pretending to be a Smash Robot:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue964
-------------------------------------------------
: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making their pee pees sore
* IS YOUR BATTERY ON 1% - Matt Round writes,
"Any riff-raff can get into TikTok, Bluesky,
Facebook, even b3ta, but it takes true
dedication to join this club" Yes Matt has made
a social network that only works if your battery
is nearly but not quite flat. Next week, Monkeon
launches a version of MySpace that only loads if
you set your system date to 2006.
https://vole.wtf/one-percent/
* FINALLY, THE EXERCISE CHALLENGE IS OVER - Pig
Face Turnip concludes his pull up challenge and
he says "I'd go so far as to say it's been
transformational and I've never been so
committed to something so seemingly pathetic".
Honestly we're glad this is over as your editor
promised he'd learn to do a pull up too but then
couldn't be arsed and felt really guilty about
it. Sorry, Pig Face Turnip.
https://b3ta.com/links/One_Pull_Up_Day_D_Day
* COLOUR SWAPPING GAME = Puromycin gives us, "A
simple game based on one I wrote for the ZX
Spectrum 40 years ago." Made us ponder whether
we could revive any BASIC games we made for the
Amstrad CPC in 1985 and there probably isn't
much call for a version of twenty questions
where it always guesses it's Simon Le Bon.
https://loopa.theancientcoder.com/
-------------------------------------------------
: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Buy some clothes
You know what, you're probably a bit cold right
now, coz the weather is drawing in and it's not
summer anymore. But the thing is you don't have
to grow a winter coat like an animal in the
wild, you can simply layer up with some lovely
thick clothes from our sponsor Hebtro. All made
in the UK to the highest standards and ideal as
presents for the difficult, nay terrible, men in
your life.
https://hebtro.co/new/
-------------------------------------------------
: FESSHOLE
"It's your fesses" we sing like a shit Reef
Each week we ask you to submit good fesses to
our web form and most of you don't but there are
three that sparks joy and makes the world's
tiniest smile appear on our lips, like the smile
Tony Hadley would do if he heard that Gary Kemp
was being investigated by HMRC:
* A BIT OF A STRETCH - "My mum once caught me
with a dumbell weight tied with string to my
willy, in a naive, dangerous and fruitless
attempt to lengthen it. I've never heard her
laugh so hard for so long, and I still cringe
whenever I remember it 30 years later. I hope
she never told anyone."
* LIFE GOALS - "Applied for a manager role in
work. Another manager raised a concern that I'm
too immature, but they gave it me anyway.
Yesterday I took the team for lunch & got rounds
of shots in. Two had to go home early, one puked
on her keyboard & another cried to a customer.
They were right"
* A CHALLENGING WANK - "I started taking a
picture a day when I turned 30 in 2015. 3654
pictures later I loaded them all up and made a
time lapse video. Nearly 2 and a half minutes of
me getting fat bald and depressed. Never deleted
something quicker."
Follow Fesshole on Facebook like it's 2010 or
something. Actually, the Facebook version of
Fesshole is technically the best one as it gets
all the fesses AND a unique weekly and monthly
best of. Nice.
http://facebook.com/fesshole
Come to the shows - this Wednesday we're doing a
gig in Worthing, also available in Liverpool,
Leeds and Anon Opin in that London AKA Tufnell
Park.
https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
Buy the books. The yellow one is currently 99p
on Amazon, which is how publishers try and game
the charts, but hey you might as well grab it at
that price as no one is getting rich off it,
except Amazon, who'll use the opportunity to
also sell you a fridge.
https://amazon.co.uk/s
-------------------------------------------------
: SITES IN BRIEF
This week's website preservation society
exhibits
* HARRY BORDEN, PHOTOGRAPHER BLOKE - We think
you"ll enjoy this guy - just a photographer who
took loads of photos in the 90s of indie pop
stars, talks about his process. Each video is a
different photo, the linked one is him working
with puffin botherer Bjork of the Sugarcubes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
* SINCLAIR RESEARCH STAFF LIST 1984 - Lovely
document detailing all the staff who worked at
Sinclair Research in 1984. There's some very
geeky looking men and some rather attractive
women, and most of them are highly educated with
degrees coming out of their ears, and they're
surrounded by 80s tech. If we had a Tardis this
is where we want to be hanging out. Someone is
going to read this document and will then write
the best sitcom ever made.
https://tinyurl.com/SinclairStaff
* COLLECT MY BALLS - This passed our short game
test of both being addictive and also taking
less than 20 minutes to complete so it doesn't
end up ruining our day. Try and drag 50 balls to
the middle of the screen without being hit by
those deadly nacho things, whatever they are
supposed to be.
https://split82.itch.io/the-collector
* THIS IS FUCKING TERRIBLE BUT CLEVER - Play
Snake in your browser's address bar and give
your SEO a panic attack as they see the URL
change multiple times a second (spoiler: the
site correctly added a canonical tag).
https://demian.ferrei.ro/snake
* SPOOKY COMPUTER MUSIC - One of the original
computer guys, Peter Samson, plays a Boards of
Canada tune on his 1959 PDP-1 Computer, whilst
dressed far better than almost every nerd that
came after him.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
* 50 CENT ADJUSTED FOR INFLATION DOT COM - Back
in the day there was one of those rapper fellers
and he called himself '50 Cent' and this website
tracks exactly what that's worth now, in this
era of hyperinflation in the Weimar Republic.
Click the numbers to reveal an interactive
graph.
https://50centadjustedforinflation.com/
-------------------------------------------------
: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
Follow ups on stuff we've mentioned previously
* BROKEN VEIL WINS AWARD - as mentioned in 'b3ta
people' in this very newsletter from a few
months back, Joel Morris's podcast won Bronze
for fiction in the British Podcast Awards. So go
and listen to it if you haven't been arsed.
* A LOVELY EXAMPLE OF A GOOD EMAIL TO GET IN
REPLY TO THIS NEWSLETTER - gpatfield writes, "On
the theme of motorway service stations, for some
time while driving around the UK, Mrs P and I
have passed time by imagining the lists of
town/village names on road signs are actually
the names of US newscasters. Always read in the
style, 'Hi, I'm Ed Winchester'. The list so far
is: Norney Shackleford, Barton Stacey, Penton
Harroway, Cholderton Tidworth, Charlton
Musgrove, Hinton Merriott, Winkleigh Torrington,
Carland Cross, Cubert Goonhaven, Zelah Allen,
Romsey Whiteparish, Eastergate Watergate,
Halnaker Boxgrove, Selsey Bracklesham,
Donnington Speen, Chieveley Beedon, Milton
Didcot, Chilton Harwell, Stoney Middleton,
Dorking Bagshot, Burpham Merrow, Newton
Valance." Thanks, enjoyed this.
* CRISP SANDWICH DAY IS BACK - Matt Round
writes, "The 4th CSD is on a Saturday, so you
can treat your family to a special lunch/dinner
they"ll never forget"
https://vole.wtf/crisp-sandwich-day/
-------------------------------------------------
: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Spooky Pop
To get you ready for Halloween "it's Christmas
for the kooky" as one colleague memorably
described it, we asked you to make pop music
spooky. Some good ones included:
* Monkeon making a deep lore defence to the
Enfield poltergeist
https://b3ta.com/board/11421851
* S4RK giving us Echo and the Babadookymen
https://b3ta.com/board/11421833
* 'Lawn cont' has produced some moonacy
https://b3ta.com/board/11421832
* See all the other images from the 'Spooky Pop'
challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/spookypop/popular
>> This week: Ruin A Bond Poster <<
Amazon thought it would be a good idea to remove
the guns from their Bond artwork, which went as
well as you'd expect. Let's join in the fun and
ruin all the Bond posters. This is pretty funny
already actually - do have a nose at it.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/ruinabondposter/popular
-------------------------------------------------
: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Ideas to convince you today is the day to make
* IS IT JUST ME OR ARE THE TRAINS SHIT? - Ben
Goldacre messaged us going, "you tell it the
train you're on, and how late it is; you get, in
return, contextual information about how unusual
that is."
* A VOLUME CONTROL FOR CATS THAT PURR TOO LOUD -
as Boop, the official B3ta cat, is really
fucking purring very loud right now.
* NO BALL PEAS PRIZE - give an award to the
boffin who invents the squarest vegetable, to
prevent rollage and accidental plate escape?
Make stuff. You're a genius. Just do it.
https://b3ta.com/mailus
-------------------------------------------------
: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; Monkeon for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (Boop boop - Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
BONUS THANKS TO NEWEST: Niomi Wightman, Matt &
JonC. Super-newest thank to Benjamin Blundell
and Stuart. Super bonus news thanks to Luka
Mikec, Peter Henningsen & Mike Coats. Super
double new thanks to Katie Steckles, Prophyria,
Rob Mahon, Kier Fox-Mayr, Geoff Tidey, Simon
Howard. And new bonus thanks to Tim Chuma, Tom
YeOldeForge, Austin Hofeman & Marcus Penning.
AND new thanks to atomic.
Oh just subscribe, you lovely lovely people.
https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
-------------------------------------------------
: BONUS "DID NUMBERS, THIS ONE" FESSHOLE
"A couple moved in next door. Old bloke lived
there before had a beautiful garden. He spent
every day in it. New guy ripped out everything &
put fake grass in. So I've planted trees next to
the boundary that will fill his lawn with dead
leaves in the autumn. This one's for you Alf."