NEWSLETTER: "THE UNOFFICIAL FAN NEWSLETTER OF THE ONLY GOOD BILLIONAIRE: SIR BEATLES MCCARTNEY"
This Week:
* TOOL - Calculate birthday timelines with pets
* GAME - Can you do burglar alarms under pressure?
* WATCH - the *worst ever* version of Band Aid
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're shitting up the
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | web but not as horribly
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| as AI... together"
B3ta's electric-enewsletter 933 - 20th Dec 2024
Read issue like a 1970s comic doing 'blue' jokes:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue933
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making their postman sad
* BURGLAR ALARM WORDLE - Monkeon writes, "Made a
new thing. I was copying over notes from my old
phone, and I assume this was what I meant by
'Burglar Alarm Wordle' in 2020. It takes
advantage of my inability to ever get sound
levels right." Be warned: this made us laugh but
also frightened our pets. Sorry Bungle.
https://www.monkeon.co.uk/the-burglar-alarm-game/
* EMOJI GAME - Stanley5lukas writes, "Wanted to
share a daily puzzle game I released recently as
well and see if I could also get a feature
sometime." Ok, why not, this is a tricky little
puzzle game which foxed us on a hangover. We
need hints.
https://www.quizmoji.com
* RADIO TIMES CHRISTMAS TELLY ZX SPECTRUM QUIZ -
flatduckrecords writes, "I have made a quiz in
BASIC about BBC One Christmas TV Schedules.
You're shown the listings, and have to guess the
year. Play online or download it to your
Speccy." Our advice here would be fewer levels
and a less harsh scoring system, but some of you
out there are masochists, so get ready to be
tortured by a very hard game indeed.
https://robertmorrison.me/public/files/zxmas/24/qu...
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Is it too late to use Hebtro for presents? NO!
The trick is to buy your loved ones a Hebtro
gift card, which is sent by email, so you'll
deffo have no problem getting it in time. That's
Christmas solved for all you lazy fuckers who
can't be arsed to shop properly.
https://hebtro.co/product/hebtroco-gift-voucher/
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: FESSHOLE
You know, it's the confession bit, for cunts
There are many reasons why we started Fesshole.
One of them was quite simply that we'd restarted
the B3ta newsletter and to make these things
work, you need a flow of inputs, and we tried a
few ideas (remember Meaning Of GIF anyone?)
before one stuck. So here's three fav fesses
this week:
* PANIC - "When I was 4, I was having a bath.
The phone rang and my mother left the bathroom
for what felt like an eternity. In my wisdom I
decided to float facedown and motionless for my
mother's return. I was roundly beaten for this
very funny act."
* REVENGE - "Daughter got dumped by her
boyfriend so we had to move her out of their
flat. As everyone else was packing the van I saw
his drawer of computer games was ajar. Had a
quick look and saw a pricey PS5 game that's on
my son's Christmas list. Pinched it. No regrets.
He broke her heart"
* TACTICS - "As a teen once called the police on
my own house party just so I could go to bed
early."
Follow the BlueSky account that's got 10 times
the followers of Duran Duran. In your face Simon
Le Bon-Bons.
https://bsky.app/profile/fesshole.bsky.social/
Come to gigs, coming up is Wolverhampton,
Preston, Leicester and Tiverton. If you plot a
line between all our gigs, it draws a spunking
cock, in tribute to how Bill Drummond used to
manage Echo and the Bunnymen. Possibly, we've
not actually checked.
https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
Buy the book that has the review on Good Reads,
"It's very funny, but it reminds me not to eat
at people's houses or shake hands." Thank you
Good Reads. (Oooh! Idea: someone do Bad Reads
that finds all the obnoxiously terrible
reviews.)
https://amzn.to/40ySjVn
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: SITES IN BRIEF
URLs to watch music by
* SUPER 'MEOWIO' BROTHERS - If you've ever
wanted to play Super Mario Bros soundtracked by
someone meowing, quacking or burping the theme
tune then now's your chance. Well, before the
inevitable Nintendo cease-and-desist, at least.
https://www.information-superhighway.net/meowio/
* COMBINED BIRTHDAY FOR PEOPLE AND PETS - This
site compares cat years and human years to let
you know the one day when you'll be the exact
same age as your cat and can share a big can of
Chicken in jelly together.
https://www.pawti.me/
* DO THEY KNOW IT'S SHITMASS? - If you want
something gloriously rubbish then this 1992
version of the Band Aid single is quite the
treat. A clip from the legendary Stars In Their
Eyes, where members of the public dressed and
sang as the celebs of the day. Every few
seconds, there's another treat in store -
largely of the "who the fuck are they meant to
be?" variety. You will be entertained.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
* CAN YOU CROSS BIRMINGHAM WITHOUT GOING ON ANY
ROADS? - If we were honest in this newsletter,
the entire thing would be the Paul McCartney
songs we've listened to this week and all the
'GeoWizard' videos we've watched. We mentioned
him last week but only for him playing
GeoGuesser, but the really compelling shit is
his outdoor missions. This trip across
Birmingham had us utterly enthralled.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
* CAN YOU WORK THIS OUT? - Monkeon recommends
this "minimal game with no instructions". We're
not telling you how it works, as that's the
game: work it out.
https://managore.itch.io/alphabet-soup-for-picky-e...
* UK GOV CONSULTATION ON AI AND COPYRIGHT -
Invisible Wizard writes, "TLDR: you can respond
to the Gov's proposed plan to re-write copyright
law to allow AI bros to mine your stuff by
default, while creators must actively assert
their rights to opt out. Not funny, sorry, but
may be of interest to b3tans."
https://www.gov.uk/government/consultations/copyri...
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Weapons Amnesty
Here's the best images from last week:
* HappyToast creates an image we decided not to
front page coz it would get automatically copied
to social media and possibly get the account
sanctioned.
https://b3ta.com/board/11413825
* 2KindsOfHerring makes a tribute to what we can
only assume is the B3ta classic 'Cursor Loves
Bunny'
https://b3ta.com/board/11413793
* Octo makes an image that shows us he's the
lord of the PNGs.
https://b3ta.com/board/11413883
* See all the other images from the 'Weapons
Amnesty' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/weaponsamnesty/popular
>> This week: Sesame Street <<
Sesame Street is in the news having been dumped
by Warner Bros. Let's celebrate the show using
the letters P(hoto) and S(hop). Suggested by
Grumpwitch.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/sesamestreet/popular
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: FOLLOW UPS
What happened next on some B3ta bollocks
* ARE YOU READY TO JOIN THE CHRISTMAS
APOCALYPSE? - Matt Round writes, "If you want a
project update, my arcc thing is celebrating a
year online on Christmas Day & will be getting
more stuff including a new game." Do join in
this if you fancy spending Christmas away from
the sprouts, and in a world of post-apocalyptic
3D vector displays. And who doesn't?
https://vole.wtf/arcc/
* THE ISLE OF WIGHT FESSHOLE GIG GOT A NICE
REVIEW IN THE LOCAL PAPER - meaning for a few
glorious hours we were the ninth biggest story
on the island. In your face, an unfair plan not
to nationalise the ferries.
https://www.countypress.co.uk/news/24770438.review...
* CHRIS BARKER HAS MANAGED TO GET HIS SGT PEPPER
DEATH STUFF INTO THE NEW EUROPEAN - We were also
pleased to spot Chris and also Eggpod Chris, and
our favourite author John Higgs, at the
McCartney gig this week. Yes the tickets cost an
absolute fortune - but they were a birthday
present ok? Thanks Kat.
https://bsky.app/profile/christhebarker.bsky.socia...
* BADGER BLOKE ALBUM LAUNCH - Jonti 'Weebl'
Picking's album is out - we previously
mentioned he was crowdfunding it. Well that
panned out and now you can listen to it using
your lugholes.
https://weebl.bandcamp.com/album/ultraviolet
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some idea, coz from ideas, comes new realities
* PORNOGUESSR - like Timeguesser, but where you
guess the location and time of a pornographic
shoot, from details like plugs and how much
pubes people have.
* COMEDIANS PLAYING COMEDIANS GAME - We've
recently obtained the mid '80s board game 'Lenny
Henry's Stand-Up Comic Game' and would quite
enjoy watching a three-hour video of stand-up
comedians trying to play it.
* ONE MORE IDEA - Seeing as Monkoen got a game
out of trying to decipher "Alarm Code Wordle",
we'll slam some words together in the format
[mundane thing] [game format] and see if you can
think something up. Ok, here goes, let's spin
that roller deck: Cash Machine Sudoku, ok no.
Doctor's Signature's Captcha, hmm - too doable.
One last go: Neoliberal Spelling Bee. Ah fuck
this. Actually, one idea that just popped up
whilst we were rambling away is a game where
you're given a random product, like custard, and
you have to order the ingredients by quantity.
Go on, tell us about your weird projects.
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; Monkeon for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (November 19, 2025 - Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
BONUS THANKS TO NEWEST: Niomi Wightman, Matt &
JonC. Super-newest thank to Benjamin Blundell
and Stuart. Super bonus news thanks to Luka
Mikec, Peter Henningsen & Mike Coats. Super
double new thanks to Katie Steckles, Prophyria,
Rob Mahon, Kier Fox-Mayr, Geoff Tidey, Simon
Howard. And new bonus thanks to Tim Chuma, Tom
YeOldeForge, Austin Hofeman & Marcus Penning.
AND new thanks to atomic.
Oh just subscribe, you lovely lovely people.
https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
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: BONUS "PASSING ON THE BRAINWORM" FESSHOLE
"Once in an episode of Neighbours I saw Jim
Robinson walk up to the toaster, give it the
'finger guns' and the toast popped out. Over the
last 30 years, each time I have toast I try to
recreate that moment. I have succeeded twice in
approximately 11,000 attempts."
