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* SITE - Can you beat the 1% battery challenge?
* CHALLENGE - Ruin a James Bond poster
* BOOK - 99p Fesshole kindle book offer
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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're saving the web by
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |  by giving it a nice cup 
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|  of tea and a biscuit" 

B3ta e-newsletter mail 964 - 12th Oct 2025

Read this issue pretending to be a Smash Robot:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue964

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
  Other than making their pee pees sore 

  * IS YOUR BATTERY ON 1% - Matt Round writes, 
  "Any riff-raff can get into TikTok, Bluesky, 
  Facebook, even b3ta, but it takes true 
  dedication to join this club" Yes Matt has made 
  a social network that only works if your battery 
  is nearly but not quite flat. Next week, Monkeon 
  launches a version of MySpace that only loads if 
  you set your system date to 2006. 
https://vole.wtf/one-percent/

  * FINALLY, THE EXERCISE CHALLENGE IS OVER - Pig 
  Face Turnip concludes his pull up challenge and 
  he says "I'd go so far as to say it's been 
  transformational and I've never been so 
  committed to something so seemingly pathetic". 
  Honestly we're glad this is over as your editor 
  promised he'd learn to do a pull up too but then 
  couldn't be arsed and felt really guilty about 
  it. Sorry, Pig Face Turnip. 
https://b3ta.com/links/One_Pull_Up_Day_D_Day

  * COLOUR SWAPPING GAME = Puromycin gives us, "A 
  simple game based on one I wrote for the ZX 
  Spectrum 40 years ago." Made us ponder whether 
  we could revive any BASIC games we made for the 
  Amstrad CPC in 1985 and there probably isn't 
  much call for a version of twenty questions 
  where it always guesses it's Simon Le Bon. 
https://loopa.theancientcoder.com/

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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
  Buy some clothes 

  You know what, you're probably a bit cold right 
  now, coz the weather is drawing in and it's not 
  summer anymore. But the thing is you don't have 
  to grow a winter coat like an animal in the 
  wild, you can simply layer up with some lovely 
  thick clothes from our sponsor Hebtro. All made 
  in the UK to the highest standards and ideal as 
  presents for the difficult, nay terrible, men in 
  your life. 
https://hebtro.co/new/

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: FESSHOLE 
  "It's your fesses" we sing like a shit Reef 
 
  Each week we ask you to submit good fesses to 
  our web form and most of you don't but there are 
  three that sparks joy and makes the world's 
  tiniest smile appear on our lips, like the smile 
  Tony Hadley would do if he heard that Gary Kemp 
  was being investigated by HMRC: 

  * A BIT OF A STRETCH - "My mum once caught me 
  with a dumbell weight tied with string to my 
  willy, in a naive, dangerous and fruitless 
  attempt to lengthen it. I've never heard her 
  laugh so hard for so long, and I still cringe 
  whenever I remember it 30 years later. I hope 
  she never told anyone." 

  * LIFE GOALS - "Applied for a manager role in 
  work. Another manager raised a concern that I'm 
  too immature, but they gave it me anyway. 
  Yesterday I took the team for lunch & got rounds 
  of shots in. Two had to go home early, one puked 
  on her keyboard & another cried to a customer. 
  They were right" 

  * A CHALLENGING WANK - "I started taking a 
  picture a day when I turned 30 in 2015. 3654 
  pictures later I loaded them all up and made a 
  time lapse video. Nearly 2 and a half minutes of 
  me getting fat bald and depressed. Never deleted 
  something quicker." 

  Follow Fesshole on Facebook like it's 2010 or 
  something. Actually, the Facebook version of 
  Fesshole is technically the best one as it gets 
  all the fesses AND a unique weekly and monthly 
  best of. Nice. 
http://facebook.com/fesshole

  Come to the shows - this Wednesday we're doing a 
  gig in Worthing, also available in Liverpool, 
  Leeds and Anon Opin in that London AKA Tufnell 
  Park. 
https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole

  Buy the books. The yellow one is currently 99p 
  on Amazon, which is how publishers try and game 
  the charts, but hey you might as well grab it at 
  that price as no one is getting rich off it, 
  except Amazon, who'll use the opportunity to 
  also sell you a fridge. 
https://amazon.co.uk/s

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: SITES IN BRIEF
  This week's website preservation society 
  exhibits 

  * HARRY BORDEN, PHOTOGRAPHER BLOKE - We think 
  you"ll enjoy this guy - just a photographer who 
  took loads of photos in the 90s of indie pop 
  stars, talks about his process. Each video is a 
  different photo, the linked one is him working 
  with puffin botherer Bjork of the Sugarcubes. 
https://www.youtube.com/watch

  * SINCLAIR RESEARCH STAFF LIST 1984 - Lovely 
  document detailing all the staff who worked at 
  Sinclair Research in 1984. There's some very 
  geeky looking men and some rather attractive 
  women, and most of them are highly educated with 
  degrees coming out of their ears, and they're 
  surrounded by 80s tech. If we had a Tardis this 
  is where we want to be hanging out. Someone is 
  going to read this document and will then write 
  the best sitcom ever made. 
https://tinyurl.com/SinclairStaff

  * COLLECT MY BALLS - This passed our short game 
  test of both being addictive and also taking 
  less than 20 minutes to complete so it doesn't 
  end up ruining our day. Try and drag 50 balls to 
  the middle of the screen without being hit by 
  those deadly nacho things, whatever they are 
  supposed to be. 
https://split82.itch.io/the-collector

  * THIS IS FUCKING TERRIBLE BUT CLEVER - Play 
  Snake in your browser's address bar and give 
  your SEO a panic attack as they see the URL 
  change multiple times a second (spoiler: the 
  site correctly added a canonical tag). 
https://demian.ferrei.ro/snake

  * SPOOKY COMPUTER MUSIC - One of the original 
  computer guys, Peter Samson, plays a Boards of 
  Canada tune on his 1959 PDP-1 Computer, whilst 
  dressed far better than almost every nerd that 
  came after him. 
https://www.youtube.com/watch

  * 50 CENT ADJUSTED FOR INFLATION DOT COM - Back 
  in the day there was one of those rapper fellers 
  and he called himself '50 Cent' and this website 
  tracks exactly what that's worth now, in this 
  era of hyperinflation in the Weimar Republic. 
  Click the numbers to reveal an interactive 
  graph. 
https://50centadjustedforinflation.com/

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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
  Follow ups on stuff we've mentioned previously 

  * BROKEN VEIL WINS AWARD - as mentioned in 'b3ta 
  people' in this very newsletter from a few 
  months back, Joel Morris's podcast won Bronze 
  for fiction in the British Podcast Awards. So go 
  and listen to it if you haven't been arsed. 

  * A LOVELY EXAMPLE OF A GOOD EMAIL TO GET IN 
  REPLY TO THIS NEWSLETTER - gpatfield writes, "On 
  the theme of motorway service stations, for some 
  time while driving around the UK, Mrs P and I 
  have passed time by imagining the lists of 
  town/village names on road signs are actually 
  the names of US newscasters. Always read in the 
  style, 'Hi, I'm Ed Winchester'. The list so far 
  is: Norney Shackleford, Barton Stacey, Penton 
  Harroway, Cholderton Tidworth, Charlton 
  Musgrove, Hinton Merriott, Winkleigh Torrington, 
  Carland Cross, Cubert Goonhaven, Zelah Allen, 
  Romsey Whiteparish, Eastergate Watergate, 
  Halnaker Boxgrove, Selsey Bracklesham, 
  Donnington Speen, Chieveley Beedon, Milton 
  Didcot, Chilton Harwell, Stoney Middleton, 
  Dorking Bagshot, Burpham Merrow, Newton 
  Valance." Thanks, enjoyed this. 

  * CRISP SANDWICH DAY IS BACK - Matt Round 
  writes, "The 4th CSD is on a Saturday, so you 
  can treat your family to a special lunch/dinner 
  they"ll never forget" 
https://vole.wtf/crisp-sandwich-day/

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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Spooky Pop 

  To get you ready for Halloween "it's Christmas 
  for the kooky" as one colleague memorably 
  described it, we asked you to make pop music 
  spooky. Some good ones included: 

  * Monkeon making a deep lore defence to the 
  Enfield poltergeist 
https://b3ta.com/board/11421851

  * S4RK giving us Echo and the Babadookymen 
https://b3ta.com/board/11421833

  * 'Lawn cont' has produced some moonacy 
https://b3ta.com/board/11421832

  * See all the other images from the 'Spooky Pop' 
  challenge: 
http://b3ta.com/challenge/spookypop/popular

  >> This week: Ruin A Bond Poster << 
  Amazon thought it would be a good idea to remove 
  the guns from their Bond artwork, which went as 
  well as you'd expect. Let's join in the fun and 
  ruin all the Bond posters. This is pretty funny 
  already actually - do have a nose at it. 
http://b3ta.com/challenge/ruinabondposter/popular

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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
  Ideas to convince you today is the day to make 

  * IS IT JUST ME OR ARE THE TRAINS SHIT? - Ben 
  Goldacre messaged us going, "you tell it the 
  train you're on, and how late it is; you get, in 
  return, contextual information about how unusual 
  that is." 

  * A VOLUME CONTROL FOR CATS THAT PURR TOO LOUD - 
  as Boop, the official B3ta cat, is really 
  fucking purring very loud right now. 

  * NO BALL PEAS PRIZE - give an award to the 
  boffin who invents the squarest vegetable, to 
  prevent rollage and accidental plate escape? 

  Make stuff. You're a genius. Just do it. 
https://b3ta.com/mailus

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: PATREON THANKS 
  We love all these people. Almost romantically. 

  *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK 
  MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON 
  JAMES* *STOOBERT* 

  24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN 
  EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS 
  LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE 
  VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY, 
  SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW, 
  ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH 

  Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright, 
  lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam 
  Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian 
  Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy 
  Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna, 
  Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster, 
  blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister, 
  Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien 
  Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss, 
  Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David 
  Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law, 
  Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith 
  H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor 
  Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus 
  Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain 
  Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James 
  Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason 
  Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim 
  Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe 
  McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John 
  Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude 
  Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad 
  Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway, 
  Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt 
  Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman, 
  Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler, 
  mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross, 
  OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul 
  Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter 
  Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington, 
  pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, 
  Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, 
  RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, 
  sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon 
  McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, 
  Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim 
  Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom 
  Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil 
  Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood, 
  Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough, 
  Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote, 
  Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey 
  Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John 
  Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne, 
  Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston, 
  James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, 
  Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, 
  Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig 
  Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will 
  Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green, 
  Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey, 
  Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner 
  Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff, 
  Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam 
  Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David 
  Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre 
  Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor 
  Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan 
  STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph 
  Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul 
  Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient 
  Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark 
  Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, 
  Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy 
  Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben 
  Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of 
  Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John 
  Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David 
  Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol, 
  FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh 
  Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer 
  Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee 
  Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark 
  madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, 
  Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, 
  Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel 
  Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter, 
  Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, 
  Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, 
  Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane, 
  Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase, 
  Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam 
  Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris 
  Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths, 
  Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria 
  Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt. 

  EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round 
  additional links; Monkeon for image challenge 
  help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing 
  by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (Boop boop - Kat) 

  And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim 
  Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek 
  Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger, 
  Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN 
  NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua 
  Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri 
  Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris 
  Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil 
  Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben 
  Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss, 
  Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards, 
  Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special 
  love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST 
  - extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel 
  Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant, 
  Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD, 
  and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil 
  McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And 
  Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and 
  PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich 
  Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to 
  the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you 
  to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much 
  appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair 
  Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg 
  Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker, 
  Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE 
  YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian 
  Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank 
  you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson, 
  Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS 
  THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub. 
  BONUS THANKS TO NEWEST: Niomi Wightman, Matt & 
  JonC. Super-newest thank to Benjamin Blundell 
  and Stuart. Super bonus news thanks to Luka 
  Mikec, Peter Henningsen & Mike Coats. Super 
  double new thanks to Katie Steckles, Prophyria, 
  Rob Mahon, Kier Fox-Mayr, Geoff Tidey, Simon 
  Howard. And new bonus thanks to Tim Chuma, Tom 
  YeOldeForge, Austin Hofeman & Marcus Penning. 
  AND new thanks to atomic. 

  Oh just subscribe, you lovely lovely people. 
https://b3ta.com/subscribe/

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: BONUS "DID NUMBERS, THIS ONE" FESSHOLE

  "A couple moved in next door. Old bloke lived 
  there before had a beautiful garden. He spent 
  every day in it. New guy ripped out everything & 
  put fake grass in. So I've planted trees next to 
  the boundary that will fill his lawn with dead 
  leaves in the autumn. This one's for you Alf." 

 
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