I can so see how all of this can be easily accepted as a religion and basis of society and morality**may contain big fucking lies
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maiden is filmed before a live studio audience,
Mon 17 Oct 2011, 14:17,
archived)
Society is founded on the brutal torture and execution of one manWe don't really care about the tens of thousands crucified before or after him. They're not important in the slightest.
See also: the books of Law which people have *still* never explained to me why we ignore. If we followed the books of Law we should be chopping off foreskins left, right and centre and refusing to touch a woman one week in every four. Also, not eating scampi or pork. I know people say that Jesus "fulfilled" the law, but I don't see how you can "fulfill" a law, especially when you've "fulfilled" it by being nailed to a tree, and *especially* when not only is it law and not something with the proviso "By the way, this only applies until I come down and get myself nailed to a tree which apparently means I forgive you because nothing breeds forgiveness like nails through the wrists mmmmmm baby do it some more", but Jesus himself is meant to have said something about "not one jot or tittle of the law will be removed until the Kingdom of Heaven is come". Looking around me it doesn't look much like Heaven, so the law is still here.
Jesus also said something like "The law was until John the Baptist. Now the kingdom of Heaven is taught." I think this suggests that he was making it up as he went along, and also had no clue how to speak English. I mean, what the fuck does "the kingdom of Heaven is taught" mean, eh?
(See also: the books of Law which people have *still* never explained to me why we ignore. If we followed the books of Law we should be chopping off foreskins left, right and centre and refusing to touch a woman one week in every four. Also, not eating scampi or pork. I know people say that Jesus "fulfilled" the law, but I don't see how you can "fulfill" a law, especially when you've "fulfilled" it by being nailed to a tree, and *especially* when not only is it law and not something with the proviso "By the way, this only applies until I come down and get myself nailed to a tree which apparently means I forgive you because nothing breeds forgiveness like nails through the wrists mmmmmm baby do it some more", but Jesus himself is meant to have said something about "not one jot or tittle of the law will be removed until the Kingdom of Heaven is come". Looking around me it doesn't look much like Heaven, so the law is still here.
Jesus also said something like "The law was until John the Baptist. Now the kingdom of Heaven is taught." I think this suggests that he was making it up as he went along, and also had no clue how to speak English. I mean, what the fuck does "the kingdom of Heaven is taught" mean, eh?
boris the spider,
Mon 17 Oct 2011, 14:21,
archived)
Is scampi outlawed in the Bible? I hope not, I love scampi!
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splorp ®,
Mon 17 Oct 2011, 14:26,
archived)
shellfish, innit?depends if you feel you should follow the dietary restrictions in leviticus. if you don't, all power to you, but i don't see christ ever saying, "yay, you shall eat pork and scampi, my son".
( boris the spider,
Mon 17 Oct 2011, 14:28,
archived)
Maybe he was saying "People should not be selfish!" but in a Sean Connery accent!
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maiden is filmed before a live studio audience,
Mon 17 Oct 2011, 14:30,
archived)
If there were an update toLeviticus (which it sorely needs), I would advocate a ban on Pot Noodles - they ming.
( splorp ®,
Mon 17 Oct 2011, 14:32,
archived)
They're probably also the cause of a lot of malnutrition in this worldThe New Testament also needs to remove the ban on wearing clothes made from two types of thread. That's really tough in this day and age. It should be replaced with a ban on, I dunno, cravattes.
( boris the spider,
Mon 17 Oct 2011, 14:35,
archived)
I like how Jesus blessed with the medical ability to cure leprosy, make crippled people walk,cure zombies, some shit about 5 demons and prostitutes decides to never take full advantage of these amazing skills and tells us yes I can come back to life but this time I'm going to be nailed to a lump of carpentry to save you all from your sins and people just think "Fuck yeah as we care!" - I'd like to think him being alive a curing shit would be more valuable to mankind than him being crow food and if I ever came across someone who could do this stuff I'd bloody well make sure I'd rebel against any authority who decided to execute him/her.
( maiden is filmed before a live studio audience,
Mon 17 Oct 2011, 14:28,
archived)
ah but he wasn't crow foodhe got up and walked around inviting disciples to stick their fingers in his wounds. at least, i think he did. my memory's a bit hazy but i'm going to pretend that that's what happened. in acts, probably.
( boris the spider,
Mon 17 Oct 2011, 14:29,
archived)
ewwwfound it, john 20,24-28. this is from "the message", one of the most entertaining of the evangelical bibles because the guy's basically transliterated the king james bible into something close to spot the dog.
But Thomas, sometimes called the Twin, one of the Twelve, was not with them when Jesus came. The other disciples told him, "We saw the Master."
But he said, "Unless I see the nail holes in his hands, put my finger in the nail holes, and stick my hand in his side, I won't believe it."
Eight days later, his disciples were again in the room. This time Thomas was with them. Jesus came through the locked doors, stood among them, and said, "Peace to you."
Then he focused his attention on Thomas. "Take your finger and examine my hands. Take your hand and stick it in my side. Don't be unbelieving. Believe."
Thomas said, "My Master! My God!"
(But Thomas, sometimes called the Twin, one of the Twelve, was not with them when Jesus came. The other disciples told him, "We saw the Master."
But he said, "Unless I see the nail holes in his hands, put my finger in the nail holes, and stick my hand in his side, I won't believe it."
Eight days later, his disciples were again in the room. This time Thomas was with them. Jesus came through the locked doors, stood among them, and said, "Peace to you."
Then he focused his attention on Thomas. "Take your finger and examine my hands. Take your hand and stick it in my side. Don't be unbelieving. Believe."
Thomas said, "My Master! My God!"
boris the spider,
Mon 17 Oct 2011, 14:42,
archived)