Flat mates from hellIn my first year at uni in Newcastle I had a flat mate called Stuart. He was a zeppelin. He came in on the first day carrying his game scenery for his war hammer games and when invited to the pub he stated that he didnt drink. For the next few months he never washed or shaved and ended up looking like an ugly worzel gummidge. he stank, wore awful slippers and taped radio 4 and listened to it over and over again every night whilst painting his daft war games gargoyles or whatever the watermelon they were. he was ignorant all the time and we really made an effort for the first few weeks. we then got pissed off and abused his food, appearance and his stench. he only wore one glove when it was cold cos he left the other back home and was too tight to buy another pair. i had an old telly with a dial to change channels where the signal goes black and white if u dont tune it in correctly... we were watching Schindlers list this one time and he took ten minutes trying to get the picture into colour (nob). he left uni in the january because he got mugged by some pikey 11 year old scallies on his way back from war games night in town (fucking hilarious).
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Tue 18 Nov 2003, 12:47,
archived)
My God...I am NEVER moving to the UK now. I knew you were a strange lot and I love your sense of the absurd, but cripes there seem to be to many nutters floating about to feel safe. I have been lucky enough NEVER to have had a roommate (until I got married, but that's another thread...ahem). Guess I'll stay put in Germany as the Germans are all arschlochs but at least they are mostly wimpy and back down when confronted...
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Tue 18 Nov 2003, 12:56,
archived)
aireewhen living with my brother a couple of years ago, his kiwi mate (plus girlfriend) had been kicked out and needed a place to stay (the reason he was kicked out was for falling through the ceiling of his previous place after drunken attic mayhem: a telling sign we failed to take note of)
on his first night, i happily lent him my keys while i went to work at my bar. i told him that my brother was nowhere near, and so corrin MUST stay in that night. needless to say. he went out, and left me on my doorstep in the freezing cold for four hours in the middle of brixton.
he and his girlfriend were suitably noisy when it came to anything carnal, so we could never understand why he left loads of filthy porn all over the flat. also, he would do his best to be as naked as possible for most of the day.
after his girlfriend disappeared (never to be seen again), he took to ripping our shower head off the wall: 'i thought it was meant to do that!', and then lighting cigarettes on the stove, without EVER turning it off. needless to say, he would leave the flat, with that hob going for anyhting up to a day before any of us noticed. thankfully he moved out after finally finding a place of his own, but would still return at four or five in the morning with screams of 'i've got a chicken!' (he would actually have a chicken in a bag), or claims that he just met a real live eskimo on the street with a wheelie bin full of beers. he's fucking nuts. i love him.
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Tue 18 Nov 2003, 13:08,
archived)
on his first night, i happily lent him my keys while i went to work at my bar. i told him that my brother was nowhere near, and so corrin MUST stay in that night. needless to say. he went out, and left me on my doorstep in the freezing cold for four hours in the middle of brixton.
he and his girlfriend were suitably noisy when it came to anything carnal, so we could never understand why he left loads of filthy porn all over the flat. also, he would do his best to be as naked as possible for most of the day.
after his girlfriend disappeared (never to be seen again), he took to ripping our shower head off the wall: 'i thought it was meant to do that!', and then lighting cigarettes on the stove, without EVER turning it off. needless to say, he would leave the flat, with that hob going for anyhting up to a day before any of us noticed. thankfully he moved out after finally finding a place of his own, but would still return at four or five in the morning with screams of 'i've got a chicken!' (he would actually have a chicken in a bag), or claims that he just met a real live eskimo on the street with a wheelie bin full of beers. he's fucking nuts. i love him.