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Condoms are not 100% safe

From the It's a Conspiracy challenge. See all 198 entries (closed)

(rpozz, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:05, archived)

No their 99.7% safe

So if you had sex 1000 times, youd only get 3 girls pregnant, result!

(

Sonic 2 and Knuckles, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:08, archived)

thats like saying one in 10 people are gay

there are 10 people in my office, and i can tell you, no one is gay

(

Johno says the chances of anything coming from mars are a million to one But still they come on, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:10, archived)

I'm sure you're forgetting Howard from Accounts.

(Tarquin., Sun 15 May 2005, 23:11, archived)

that's what they tell you anyway

(

MrSanity has maybe kicked the WoW habit forever, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:12, archived)

It'll be you then.

(

Kamikaze Stoat £4.09, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:14, archived)

haha

(

Damocles wants no part of your debauchery, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:16, archived)

^this

(

betascoo8, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:49, archived)

Everyone knows

that all gay men work as fashion designers, models, and interior designers.

That explains it.

(Slartibartfast.... designer of coastlines, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:16, archived)

pssst

you forgot hairdressers

(UltimateStoat thanks you for helping him help you help us all, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:18, archived)

for a second there

I read your name as SubStandardScrote

(

Sonic 2 and Knuckles, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:20, archived)

well close enough

(UltimateStoat thanks you for helping him help you help us all, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:26, archived)

dont you meen 30

(UltimateStoat thanks you for helping him help you help us all, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:10, archived)

no i dont MEAN 30

100-99.7=0.3 x 10= 3

(

Sonic 2 and Knuckles, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:12, archived)

pfft

im thick

god im gonna fail AS maths and further maths ):

(UltimateStoat thanks you for helping him help you help us all, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:14, archived)

if you shag 100 people you get .3 of a girl pregnant so 1000 would be three buns in the oven

(

The Incredible... accident free since, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:12, archived)

Which third?

Top? Middle? Bottom?

(Tarquin., Sun 15 May 2005, 23:13, archived)

how can you get .3 of a girl preggers though

Unless she gives birth to a mong

(

Sonic 2 and Knuckles, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:14, archived)

well you cant of course

but you know what i mean

(

The Incredible... accident free since, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:15, archived)

this^

twice

(Beardy Being a pirate is alright with me., Sun 15 May 2005, 23:16, archived)

it just means there is a 1 in 3(and a bit) chance she will do

(

Cashy, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:19, archived)

Ignoring all the other factors aswell

girls don't just instantly get pregnant if you have sex without a condom.

Just being picky.

(Beardy Being a pirate is alright with me., Sun 15 May 2005, 23:20, archived)

www.barlowz.net/extra/boysgirls.wav

(

Syncubus Yarr! Ye'll be walking Planck's Constant! [GMT-5], Sun 15 May 2005, 23:24, archived)

eh?

(Beardy Being a pirate is alright with me., Sun 15 May 2005, 23:29, archived)

a one in 3 chance of her getting pregnant

surely thats bull shit, for lack of a better term

(

Johno says the chances of anything coming from mars are a million to one But still they come on, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:23, archived)

he means for every hundred there's a 1 in 3.

(Beardy Being a pirate is alright with me., Sun 15 May 2005, 23:26, archived)

this is now getting complicated

and im not too worried, because i doubt very much i will have sex with 1000 girls in my life time, and if i were, i wouldnt be on b3ta

(

Johno says the chances of anything coming from mars are a million to one But still they come on, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:30, archived)

I dunno

it could be as high as 1 in 3. Enough of the err..... contribution can stay in there for up to 4 days and some women are receptive for up to a week per month.

(

Damocles wants no part of your debauchery, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:28, archived)

You being daft?

(Beardy Being a pirate is alright with me., Sun 15 May 2005, 23:12, archived)

I bet you did home economics didnt you?

(

PMGT -Bacon., Sun 15 May 2005, 23:14, archived)

/AS maths and further maths student

(UltimateStoat thanks you for helping him help you help us all, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:15, archived)

Quit

now.

Try a job picking up rubbish.

(Beardy Being a pirate is alright with me., Sun 15 May 2005, 23:18, archived)

its all right im not doing stats

but atleast i can work out the lowest point on the curve Y=X²-6X+8
so i should be ok

(UltimateStoat thanks you for helping him help you help us all, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:20, archived)

You cant add letters silly

someone get this boy a job

(

Sonic 2 and Knuckles, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:23, archived)

*teaches basic algebra*

(UltimateStoat thanks you for helping him help you help us all, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:25, archived)

yeah, cos you'll have to do that a lot when you graduate.

(

PMGT -Bacon., Sun 15 May 2005, 23:24, archived)

you dont USE maths its just there to make people who pass look clever

(UltimateStoat thanks you for helping him help you help us all, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:25, archived)

It's been 5 years since I was doing A level maths.

I find it hard to add my shopping bill up now.

(Beardy Being a pirate is alright with me., Sun 15 May 2005, 23:27, archived)

hint: look at the number at the bottom

beside the word total

(UltimateStoat thanks you for helping him help you help us all, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:28, archived)

Before I've bought them?

I don't have a time machine.

Are you the kind of person who looks in the back for answers?

(Beardy Being a pirate is alright with me., Sun 15 May 2005, 23:32, archived)

why add it up before?

you only pay once they tell you how much it is

or are you one of those people who gets their money ready before they get to the till so they can pay quickly?

/edit here take this one b3ta.com/board/4638736

(UltimateStoat thanks you for helping him help you help us all, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:34, archived)

its called having a budget.

(

PMGT -Bacon., Sun 15 May 2005, 23:37, archived)

i had a budgey

my cat ate it

it was crap at maths too

(UltimateStoat thanks you for helping him help you help us all, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:39, archived)

EVERYONE looks in the back for answers

(

tipassoi, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:35, archived)

How the fuck did you manage that?

Were you nobbing your teacher?

(

PMGT -Bacon., Sun 15 May 2005, 23:20, archived)

i said student

that means i aint failed yet

(UltimateStoat thanks you for helping him help you help us all, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:21, archived)

By the same logic 30 b3tans can suck their own dicks

"Men who can reach their penis with their tongue or lips sometimes perform autofellatio, in which the man licks or sucks his own penis. However, research shows only one man in a thousand can do this to orgasm."

(

abandonnship, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:14, archived)

You know this how?

(

Shuya Nanahara Sayonara, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:16, archived)

He wanted to know if he is alone

(

Sonic 2 and Knuckles, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:18, archived)

Psssst

she

(

Shuya Nanahara Sayonara, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:19, archived)

Wiki this morning

I messed around on it for a while, found this little factoid, and couldn't wait to share.

(

abandonnship, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:22, archived)

Haha

yeah like the other facts you had earlier. I'm starting to wonder what you spend your time looking at ;)

(

Shuya Nanahara Sayonara, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:22, archived)

Eponymous started it!

And I didn't have anything to do... so I kept getting crossreferrenced...

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abandonnship, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:25, archived)

Yeah yeah yeah

You were being naughty. And that's the end of it :P

(

Shuya Nanahara Sayonara, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:27, archived)

Um...

Well...
Erm...
yes.

(

abandonnship, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:32, archived)

i was naughty last night

i got a virus for my troubles!

(

Sellers funkie not junkie, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:34, archived)

hahaha, I remember

I was only clicking dirty things on Wiki, purely for educational reasons.

(

abandonnship, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:36, archived)

so was i.....

(

Sellers funkie not junkie, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:37, archived)

Pfffft!

Wasn't java byte verify was it?

(

Shuya Nanahara Sayonara, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:37, archived)

is that the firefox loophole thingy?

(

Sellers funkie not junkie, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:39, archived)

Nah

it's some piece of shit that infects java...but it's harmless if you use sun java and not MS crap ;)

(

Shuya Nanahara Sayonara, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:40, archived)

i see, there was some of that. but it was something else, cleaned it up at 4:30 this morning tho,whilst a bit pissed - hope i cleaned it properly :0

(

Sellers funkie not junkie, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:41, archived)

Hehe

Always best to scan again and make sure. I understand how that's a pain when drunk. My scans take about 40 mins or something like that. If it's byte verify (or any virus for that matter) my AVG doesn't do a bloody thing about it. I end up just finding the bastard and delete it manually.

(

Shuya Nanahara Sayonara, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:45, archived)

Thought

that was common knowledge

guess not.

(Slartibartfast.... designer of coastlines, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:19, archived)

Meh,

Meh.

(

Shuya Nanahara Sayonara, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:20, archived)

yes, but not all b3tans are male

although i am sometimes undecided on if all b3tans have a penis =oP

(

Cashy, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:17, archived)

I know. There are around 33,000 b3tans.

I left room for teh ladies, hence the 30.

(

abandonnship, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:20, archived)

oooh clever you

although you havnt taken into acount all the b3tans with multiple personalities. i do however feel for such a thing as 'how many b3tans suck their own dick' its probably not too important to our lives

(

Cashy, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:22, archived)

Probably not...

unless you can actually do it :-|

(

Shuya Nanahara Sayonara, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:23, archived)

saw some black dude in a porno do it once

was 24 inches or somthing. bastard

(

Cashy, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:25, archived)

Pfffffft!

Bet that cunt didn't even have to bend down. Still, think of it this way: who has the last laugh when he gets a stiff one in public? ;)

(

Shuya Nanahara Sayonara, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:27, archived)

not the guy standing next to him

thats for sure

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Cashy, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:28, archived)

Hahaha

Good job I don't live in London and have to use the tube. Wouldn't like to think of the number of times people have had brushes with that sort of thing :-S

(

Shuya Nanahara Sayonara, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:29, archived)

(

Sellers funkie not junkie, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:30, archived)

'Ning sir ;)

(

Shuya Nanahara Sayonara, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:31, archived)

ROAR!

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Sellers funkie not junkie, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:32, archived)

Arrrgh!

that woke me up. A bit.

(

Shuya Nanahara Sayonara, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:32, archived)

haha!

yes

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Sellers funkie not junkie, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:33, archived)

That's insane

At least he can do that, considering he'd spear any girl he tried to fuck

(

abandonnship, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:27, archived)

aye i know

she was screaming off his bell end

(

Cashy, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:28, archived)

What

was the name of said porno?
/research obviously

(

Shuya Nanahara Sayonara, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:30, archived)

dunno

a mates

(

Cashy, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:33, archived)

and the only time the whole thing gets wet

is swimming or in the tub.

(

Syncubus Yarr! Ye'll be walking Planck's Constant! [GMT-5], Sun 15 May 2005, 23:31, archived)

1 word

beastiality

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Cashy, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:32, archived)

nothing wrong with naturelove

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Sellers funkie not junkie, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:33, archived)

Hahahaha

and the reply from the policeman was?

(

Shuya Nanahara Sayonara, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:34, archived)

fair enough guv'na

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Sellers funkie not junkie, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:37, archived)

You'd still need to be up a horse or something.

(

Syncubus Yarr! Ye'll be walking Planck's Constant! [GMT-5], Sun 15 May 2005, 23:37, archived)

It is also exhausting.

(

Syncubus Yarr! Ye'll be walking Planck's Constant! [GMT-5], Sun 15 May 2005, 23:17, archived)

so thats what they teach in american schools

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Sellers funkie not junkie, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:19, archived)

Damn

I'm not one of them.

I mean err.... I have never tried

(

Damocles wants no part of your debauchery, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:19, archived)

89% i think

the pill is 99.7%

(

eponymous Oh!, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:19, archived)

But when they do those stats,

that's percentage of people getting pregnant in a year of using condoms, not per shag. Average no of shags per year for an 18-29 year old is 112, so if you had sex 112,000 times you'd only get 3 girls pregnant. In theory

(

tipassoi, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:24, archived)

latex ones arent

naturally occuring latex has holes in it.

(

Sellers funkie not junkie, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:10, archived)

yeah, but spunk is quite viscous

and so it would take a while to move across the rubbery membrane

(

Johno says the chances of anything coming from mars are a million to one But still they come on, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:27, archived)

you'd be surprised

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Sellers funkie not junkie, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:29, archived)

im sure i would be

celibacy, the only contraceptive that works*

_{*99.9999999999999999999999999% of the time (immaculate conception is the only variable)}

(

Johno says the chances of anything coming from mars are a million to one But still they come on, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:31, archived)

Celibacy doesn't work for rape victims.

'nother statistic: If you parents never had sex, odds are you won't either.

(

Syncubus Yarr! Ye'll be walking Planck's Constant! [GMT-5], Sun 15 May 2005, 23:39, archived)

unless ur imaculate

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Sellers funkie not junkie, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:41, archived)

I'm pretty tidy.

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Syncubus Yarr! Ye'll be walking Planck's Constant! [GMT-5], Sun 15 May 2005, 23:51, archived)

haha

I just misread that as "spunk is quite vicious". I had a picture of angry sperm fighting their way through a condom.

(

Damocles wants no part of your debauchery, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:37, archived)

i had that too

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Sellers funkie not junkie, Sun 15 May 2005, 23:37, archived)