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From the Font Jokes challenge. See all 464 entries (closed)
( , Fri 13 Mar 2009, 9:06, archived)

His Wikipedia article has surprisingly little to say about him, but the last sentence of the Beagle 2 Paragraph made me laugh

( ,
Fri 13 Mar 2009, 9:10,
archived)


I bet I could manage it in ... like a week!
( ,
Fri 13 Mar 2009, 9:22,
archived)

you'd show up wearing a plunging neckline showing lots of cleavage and would put out to the selection committee
( ,
Fri 13 Mar 2009, 9:32,
archived)

you stole that off David Attenborough by getting him pissed up at the reception afterwards
( ,
Fri 13 Mar 2009, 9:39,
archived)

the point is I'm a highly respected member of the global academic community of which I am a highly respected member, globally!
( ,
Fri 13 Mar 2009, 9:42,
archived)

I fancy a corned beef, cheese and pickle toasted sarnie for lunch now.
( ,
Fri 13 Mar 2009, 9:09,
archived)

I nearly converted it into a lean mean grilling machine, but I didn't know how
( ,
Fri 13 Mar 2009, 9:11,
archived)


although you know what's really scary is the file name of this animation could be misconscrued.

Two friends were out camping on a safari trip.
Suddenly, a lion jumps roaring out of the bushes.
One of the friends grabs a hand of sand and throws it into the eyes of the lion, and proceeds to climb into a tree.
The other man just keeps standing there.
"Come on!", shouts the first one, "what are you waiting for? Climb a tree!"
"Why? I didn't throw the sand!"

One day, two City types were walking through the park near the zoo and they heard a scream.
"Watch out, The Lion's loose," yelled a keeper - hiding inside an empty cage. The two City chaps heard the cry and one stopped, took a pair of running shoes from his briefcase and quickly slipped them on.
As they jogged off together, the one in city shoes said to his sneaker-clad pal "you don't think that those shoes are going to help you outrun the lion, do you?"
"No,", said his pal, surging ahead. "But I don't have to outrun the lion, I only have to outrun you."
( ,
Fri 13 Mar 2009, 9:34,
archived)
"Watch out, The Lion's loose," yelled a keeper - hiding inside an empty cage. The two City chaps heard the cry and one stopped, took a pair of running shoes from his briefcase and quickly slipped them on.
As they jogged off together, the one in city shoes said to his sneaker-clad pal "you don't think that those shoes are going to help you outrun the lion, do you?"
"No,", said his pal, surging ahead. "But I don't have to outrun the lion, I only have to outrun you."

"... and in one fell swoop, I lunged at the lion and chopped off its tail!" the adventurer boasted.
"Why not its head?"
"It was already off."
( ,
Fri 13 Mar 2009, 10:09,
archived)
"Why not its head?"
"It was already off."

you are in a clearing. A pack of Lionesses are stalking you
:NORTH
you cannot go that way
:SOUTH
you cannot go that way. The Lionesses are getting closer.
:WSET
I do not understand WSET
:ESCAPE
you cannot escape. The Lionesses attack you. You are torn to shreds, and your blood soaks into the sun baked ground. You are dead. You have scored 11 out of a possible 137.
load, restart or quit?
QUIT
( ,
Fri 13 Mar 2009, 9:24,
archived)
:NORTH
you cannot go that way
:SOUTH
you cannot go that way. The Lionesses are getting closer.
:WSET
I do not understand WSET
:ESCAPE
you cannot escape. The Lionesses attack you. You are torn to shreds, and your blood soaks into the sun baked ground. You are dead. You have scored 11 out of a possible 137.
load, restart or quit?
QUIT

in google image search with safe search off
( ,
Fri 13 Mar 2009, 9:15,
archived)

whatever that throws up from Google.
( ,
Fri 13 Mar 2009, 9:19,
archived)

I'm half expecting this to be an advert for "Pillinger's Perfect Infrared Grill"
( ,
Fri 13 Mar 2009, 9:14,
archived)