NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 127: "KILL ALL NUNS"
This Week:
* SHOP - New shirt designs
* RADIO - Dave from Blur + Weebl
* RANT - Bit Torrent TV
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___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| web... together"
B3ta email 127 - 19 Mar 2004
Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue127/
Subscribe: [email protected]
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: B3TA SHOP
New shirts
Since opening our shop the email has been
flooding in: "Why can't you make a shirt
for those of us with breasts?" and "Sod the
icons. I want a shirt with B3TA emblazoned
across the chest."
Aha. If that's what you want - then that's
what you will get. Er... all except the weirdo
who wrote in asking if he could buy our
pre-worn underwear. Pervert.
http://www.b3ta.com/shop/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Nun shooter, Weebl, Hoovers, Scandal, Piss
>> Kill the nuns <<
"It's been a while since I made a nun game,"
writes Brian Mung, "so here's the new one."
Blimey. This is both lovely-looking and
quite a tough challenge. Mung normally puts
interesting animations at the end of his
games - but we can't complete it to find out.
http://www.brianmung.com/nungunner.htm
>> Kubrick Vs. Weebl <<
The wait is over - the great auteurs of cinema
and the web have collaborated at last. OK,
Weebl has simply nicked a bit of Kubrick's
Spartacus and stuck a gag in it. But it made
us giggle so we're happy.
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/31/
>> Scandal Generator <<
What's been missing from our Labour Government
has been a good dose of sex scandal. Why not
create your own with a donkey and a few
politicians' heads?
http://www.mrandmrswheatley.co.uk/scandal.html
>> I turned my piss pink <<
"I managed to change the colour of my wee"
writes Lurking Bon, "by eating a large jar of
pickled beetroot. Just thought I'd share the
joy. You should try it - the pink wee lasts
all day."
http://www.pressanykey.net/
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: B3TA RADIO
Booze Related Disasters
This week Rob "B3ta" Manuel and Jonti "Weebl"
Picking will be talking about your worst
drinking experiences. Dave "Jada" Stevenson
is taking a week off due to some personal
drinking experiences.
http://b3ta.com/questions/booze_related_disasters/
We've also invited Dave Rowntree from Blur into
the studio for a chat.
You can learn more about B3ta Radio and how
to tune in here:
http://b3ta.com/features/b3taradio/
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: BIT TORRENT TV
Stuff we've watched this week
With the increasing adoption of broadband, more
web users are using the net to swap TV shows.
Back in the day it was Kazaa, but it's become
increasingly unreliable and harder to find
versions without spyware.
At B3ta towers we're impressed with Bit Torrent,
a nifty idea that makes downloading stuff
quicker as more people start sharing the link.
TV channels and ISPs are aware of the demand
for downloading TV via the net and trialing
services based upon streaming video.
This sucks - we want video we can download and
watch in our own time.
So thank God for Bit Torrent and rabid
fans running sites to share their TV viewing
habits. The fans are doing a better job at
serving the needs of the users than the TV
companies.
Anyway. To give you a taster of the brave
new world, here's some of the TV we've been
watching that isn't available in the UK.
>> Tripping the Rift <<
New Sci-Fi 3D cartoon based upon a web short
written by jobbing producers at King of The
Hill back in the 90s. With the new production
they've sacked the original team - but it's
still funny and rather mucky. And how long
before a men's magazine commissions a photo-shoot
with the leading CGI lady, Six? Er, probably
not long.
>> New South Park <<
Season 8 of South Park opens with an anime
inspired episode. Butter's fans will have their
hearts broken when they see the indignities
heaped upon him. BTW: Some of you may have
given up on South Park due to bad scheduling,
but trust us, the writing is as fantastic and
iconoclastic as ever.
>> Wonderfalls <<
Genre fiction fans have been looking to
Buffy alumnus Tim Minear to supply their weekly
supply of fantasy and humour. We watched the
pilot a few hours ago and enjoyed it immensely.
It's got talking animals in it - how good
is that? The sad bit is that it's already
under threat of cancellation, with the
producers sending open letters to fan sites
saying, "please watch." Fingers crossed.
All these shows can be found via
http://www.torrents.co.uk/
You'll need a fat Internet connection and to
install Bit Torrent to make the links work.
http://bitconjurer.org/BitTorrent/
BTW: Any working torrents to international
TV that YOU think we should be watching,
then get in touch at http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
(Assuming we don't get closed down for
speaking truthfully about how people are
using the Internet these days.)
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.
>> Rejected South Park <<
A couple of years back the creators of South
Park were asked by Shockwave to create an
animation series. Er.. the work was rejected.
It's not hard to see why - check it out -
the work is both unsettling and obscene.
http://www.trioplus.tv/plus/princess/ep01.html
>> Odd plant growing game <<
Alert readers will remember that "drop icons
on the planet" game we featured a few weeks
back. Here's the sequel. It's a bit easier
to understand but just as inventive.
http://www.eyezmaze.com/vanilla/
>> Origins of the Smiley <<
Fucking smileys. We hate them. They're gay.
Ever wondered who the twat was who thought
them up? Scott E Fahlman is the man to blame.
http://www-2.cs.cmu.edu/~sef/sefSmiley.htm
>> Buffy cruise <<
With Buffy and Angel both cancelled, what
next for the actors in the Whedonverse? It's
all right for Sarah Michelle Gellar and her
starring roles in such quality flicks as Scooby
Doo. But the more obscure members of the cast
are basically fucked, and reduced to appearing
in the fan fleecing phenomenon of celebrity
cruises.
http://slayercruise.com/
>> Adventure game <<
Ooh, this feels fresh. It's an enjoyable point
and click adventure but the clever bit is
that there is a chat-room at the bottom of
the screen with people swapping hints and
tips. Smart and engaging way to liven up
an old format.
http://server-admin.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/motas/mys...
>> Competitive eating <<
The Guinness Book of Records removed competitive
eating from their roster in the 70s due to
concerns about health. The sport is still
going strong in America though. This skinny
little thing, called Sonya Thomas apparently,
is rather good at it.
http://www.ifoce.com/profile.php
>> Worst Flash game ever <<
"Not sure if this guy's taking the piss," writes
Max Smethurst, "or if this is actually his idea of
a good game. It's a rather funny momentary
diversion nonetheless." Agreed. The crapness
of this game made us giggle hard.
http://www.angelfire.com/creep/bigrigs/bigrigs11.s...
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: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
Handicapped kittens
The world of kitten breeding is a slightly
odd place. Think Dr Mengele but with cats.
Our little black hearts go out to this poor
thing which, due to bad breeding, was born
with wonky paws.
http://handicappedpets.com/bendy/
BTW: What's the cutest thing you've seen on
the web recently? Tell us at http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Film of the Game Challenge
Each week we run a competition to test your
creative skills. We set a challenge and you
open Photoshop and mess with our heads.
Last week we wanted films made of playground
games you used to play:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/filmofthegame/
We asked B3ta boarder 'BigBomba' to judge the
entries - here are his 3 faves.
BigBomba writes -
#1 "Edward Paperstonescissorhands - love the
way he knows what the other hand will be,
yet he never chooses stone. Mong. (sharpy)
http://b3ta.com/board/2872887
#2 "Penfight - Everyone used to do this back in
school. If you didn't, go draw on your
workmate/boss/cat NOW. (Happy Shopper)
http://b3ta.com/board/2875993
#3 "Batman - Great entry, takes me back.......
ahhhhh jumpers for goal-posts, those were
the days." (squid ink)
http://b3ta.com/board/2887337
"Oh, and although this is not strictly a valid
entry, I just thought this, by ddavex, was
brilliant:"
http://b3ta.com/board/2878261
>> This Week's Challenge <<
This week, b3ta contributor "Fabulous Dancing Yak"
gave us the suggestion, "Whoah! That wasn't there
when I went to bed!"
http://b3ta.com/challenge/whoah/
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.
* HOOVER ART - last week we asked you to spill
loads of dirt and hoover it up into something
interesting. Spiny gave it a go and drew -
surprise surprise - a huge cock. Wicked. We
reckon the Turner Prize is in the bag.
http://www.spiny.org/b3ta/hoover_art/
* "I LOVE HORSES" CRAP INTERVIEW - we found
the The Bagel Brothers, the chaps who wrote
the equine jingle that did the rounds. We
asked them for an interview and they gave
us really crap one word answers. Silly
monkeys.
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* MADAME CURIE'S PERIODIC TABLE OF BLOB
EUPHEMISMS - Pb / Plum butter,
Mg / Menstrual gush.
* ROBOT HAND-JOBS - convert those huge robot
arms used in car factories into advanced
wanking devices. Maybe with a conveyor
belt for the happy customers.
* SONIC WEAPONS FOR PHONES - warning: don't
set as ring-tone. May cause internal
haemorrhaging and involuntary bowel evacuation.
Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
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Unsubscribe: [email protected]
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THANKS:
This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson.
Links sent in by Jinx, ginmakesamanmean,
whedonesque, Daffydil, Hapax Legomena and
Max Smethurst.
Top Tippery by Wifey.
Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry.
Board research by Fnord.
Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder.
Proofing by the baby b4ta monkeys. (71942)
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TOP TIP:
To avoid milk boiling over, rub some butter
round the top of the pan. The milk won't go
higher than the butter. This is because of
science.
