NEWSLETTER: "BLAIR - BUSH SWEARING COMPETITION"
This Week:
* ANIM - It's a cow in a tree
* VIDEO - Biggest zit in the world
* PICS - How Germans make babies
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___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "We're saving the
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B3ta email 206 - 25 Nov 2005
Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue206/
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: SPONSORED LINK
Big Chicken Rampage
"Huge, angry cock anyone? Joel Veitch, Ben
Wheatley and Rob Manuel teamed up with the folk
from Glue London to produce the first in a
series of viral ads for Virgin Trains. Check out
the big trouble erupting in this small town.....
http://www.littlerbritain.co.uk/
>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Cows, Eggs and Leo Blair
>> Cow in a tree <<
Well done to giant_squid for this charmingly
surreal animation and song all about finding
a cow up a tree. He's got a great visual
stylee thing going on - really ambitious, but
done in a very simple way.
http://www.nottingham.ac.uk/~pcxee/cow_flash.htm
>> Sucking eggs <<
JimmerUK is testing aphorisms and this week it
is "teaching your grandmother to such eggs".
He couldn't find a grandma, so had to do the
necessary himself. Basically, just keep
scrolling. Eeew - gross.
http://snipurl.com/suckmyeggs
>> The world according to Leo Blair <<
We very much enjoyed this musical recap of
recent UK political history from the viewpoint
of the Prime Minister's infant son. Love
the scribbly hand-drawn pictures - looks like
Manic had a lot of fun making this. He puts
the LOL into PoLOLitics. (Sorry Manic.)
http://www.backingblair.co.uk/leo_blair/
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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Cheating cheaty cheats
Last week we wanted to know all the things at
which you'd cheated:
http://b3ta.com/questions/cheats/
In amongst the many attempts to cheat the QOTW
voting system there are some gems. Here are
our favourite three:
>> Guess Who Deep Throat <<
"Once, on a long train journey, my brother and
I were playing Travel Guess Who when I felt a
tap-tap-tapping on my foot under the table. It
was the fellow sitting to the immediate right
of my brother. He had written the word 'GEORGE'
on the top of the newspaper he was reading. Not
wanting to blow my cover, I made sure that I
waited until I had to guess between a few to
stay in the game, before saying 'Is it George?'
And it was. This went on for the whole journey -
must have been six or seven rounds and my brother
never cottoned on. Even one time when I had to
guess from six remaining characters. I never saw
my accomplice again." (Newton Crosby)
>> Cheating is sexy <<
"Lisa was my partner in crime when it came to the
weekly spelling test. You had to swap your list
with the person opposite, and mark each others
spellings. We both got 20 out of 20, every week,
for the whole year. I fancied her like mad. She
pinched my bottom once - really made my day! We
were only 11 so it seemed WELL SAUCY."
(BourbonBiscuits)
>> This man will burn for all eternity <<
"I have both a Blue Peter badge and dog collar,
which has got me out of many a scrape including
when I went to see Led Zepplin. The two factors
eant that I could stand at the edge of the stage,
go to their back-stage party, and get friendly
with groupies! No sex, but they seemed to find
the idea of rubbing themselves up and down a
priest very good fun. I have also used my collar
to get out of speeding tickets ("I have to get to
a funeral"), family events ("I have a ceremony to
perform"), tea in skanky, chavvy, grease-scummed
cups ("I'm full of tea from other parishioners,
thanks"), baggage being scanned at airports ("Holy
Water is affected by X-Rays"), builder's bills
("The roof will be paid for" - heh, who's going
to take a priest to court?) and the Poll Tax (but
that wasn't really a cheat, it was just evil).
The best little cheat that I play is that every
week I don't give my parishioners their holy stuff
.....it's just rice paper and shit wine. I spend
the money that my parish gives me on proper booze
and fags. Erm, this is probably my last post here.
Even if you haven't sneezed: Bless You!"
(Fr_Jerry_McGwier)
>> This Week's Question <<
We'd like you to confess your most shameful
moments. Talk to us here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/shame/
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: VIDEO NASTY
The biggest zit in the world
WARNING: This is the grimmest thing we've ever
linked to and we didn't even manage to get to the
end of the video - possibly there are just some
happy dancing bunnies. BTW: We do have to salute
the choice of snake-charmer music for when the
pus is coming out.
http://www.funlol.com/funpages/worlds-biggest-zit....
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.
>> Blair - Bush swearing competition <<
This is great - an international face-off between
Blair and Bush, each trying to outdo the other
in foul insults. All edited together from actual
footage. Nicely done.
http://www.wimp.com/competition/
>> Prog rock Christmas lights <<
This rock-loving nerd has taken Christmas as
the slight excuse he needs to transform his
house into some sort of prog-tacular, strobing
extravaganza. We can imagine a little Jean-
Michel Jarre gnome sitting on the doorstep.
http://media.putfile.com/WizardsofWinter-SM
>> How Germans have babies <<
An illustrated sex education book aimed at
children; see how the beardy German man and
pigtailed German lady get it on. Especially
likes the cheerful labour scene. But why is the
doctor carrying a hammer? "We're pretty sure
it's going to be a baby, but it could be a bear"?
http://www.planetdan.net/pics/babies/index.htm
>> Wank warning from history <<
Afraid you're masturbating too much? Be afraid,
as this 19th century French manuscript illustrates
the inevitable, dire consequences of indulging
in the occasional hand-shandy.
http://www.neatorama.com/neat/worst-sin.htm
>> Shooting off locks <<
You've seen it in films, but how easy it in real
life, or is it even possible? Redneck scientist
Old_Painless took a selection of locks and
firearms up into the hills to get a definitive
answer. Next week he flips a Jeep and climbs
out of it, just like on the A-Team.
http://www.theboxotruth.com/docs/bot5.htm
>> Anti-drugs waxworks <<
This is bizarre Russian anti-drugs propaganda
based entirely on wax models. Well-intentioned,
but very freaky and not terribly accurate
(Freddy Mercury did not die of drugs).
http://www.mosnews.com/images/p/12058.shtml
>> Anti-rape condom <<
A South African inventor has come up with a
spiky female condom to fend off sex attackers.
What sort of mad bint walks around with razors
up her mimsie? And after going to all that
trouble wouldn't it be a bit of a disappointment
not to be raped?
http://msnbc.msn.com/id/9145415/
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: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
Baby caterpillar
A lot of caterpillars, moths and butterflies
have eyespots to mimic larger animals and scare
off predators. This little fellow is the first
caterpillar we've seen that successfully mimics
a cute li'l puppy to soften the heart of any
predator.
http://snipurl.com/babycaterpillar
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Songs to Gameshows Challenge
Each week we run a competition to test your
creative skills. We set a challenge and you
open Photoshop and mess with our heads.
Last week we wanted you to invent gameshows
based on songs.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/gameshows/
We asked b3ta boarder The Figurative
Pineapple to judge the entries - here are his 3
faves.
The Figurative Pineapple writes -
#1 Stairway to Heaven - Simple, yet elegantly
done. The guy on the right hammering the
button made it the winner. (frogdoctor)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/5333992
#2 Pretty Fly for a White Guy - This entry just
fitted perfectly into the crap ITV gameshow
schedule. Sheer genius. (CaL FiN)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/5336564
#3 You've Got to Hide Your Love Away - Makes me
laugh every time I look at it. Wonderful!
(*Lo-Fi Foetus)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/5335355
Honourable mention: Band on the Run -
If only... (chronic)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/5339065
>> This Week's Challenge <<
This week, the Challenge Dictator has demanded
that inanimate objects be brought to life.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/anthropomorphisation...
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.
* WORLD'S UGLIEST DOG DEAD - sad to say, but
hairless freak-dog Sam has passed away at the
age of 14. "I don't think there'll ever be
another Sam," said his owner, adding, "Some
people would think that's a good thing."
http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/11/22/ugly.dog.ap/index...
* CHIMPANZEES ARE NOT MONKEYS - thanks to the
scores of people who wrote in to point out
that chimps are apes - they have no tails.
To be honest, we were well aware of that. We
just prefer the word 'monkey'. Call us wrong...
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* WALNUT VS WINDOW - Kendra writes - "my dad
reckons that if you throw a walnut at a pane
of glass, the shell will break completely
off the walnut but the glass will remain
intact." Does some one want to test this
with video?
* BIRMINGHAM EAR SPARKLERS - We saw some ear
candles for sale in our local Chinese medicine
shop and wondered how effective they are?
Why not try sparklers as an alternative.
Take photos.
* PENIS ROCK - Just reading this lovely little
site on how to design your own stick of rock.
Please make some rude ones. We will love you
forever.
http://www.sculpey.com/Projects/projects_cane_face...
Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
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Subscribe: [email protected]
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THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson.
Links sent in by bobbynojob, junglejimmer,
freeeky, don_howarth, magictorch, jspearmint,
THE RAND CORPORATION, diyjoe, smoothpete and
rt_hon_sidney_spatchcock.
Additional linkage and image challenge by
Fraser Lewry.
DID YOU KNOW? Spelling Neil Armstrong backwards
give you "GNORTS, MR ALIEN"? Spooky.
Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
Proofing by the rabid b4ta dogs.
(105971 - 42045)
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TOP TIP:
Don't waste money on a case for your iPod. Use
a sock from Baby Gap to protect it. "I find the
6-12 months size works best," writes simonarsenal.
"I used one belonging to my son. He's got a cold
foot but at least my iPod shouldn't get scratched."
