NEWSLETTER: "THESE BOMBS ARE YOUR FAULT, COMEDIANS. YOUR SATIRE WASN'T STRONG ENOUGH!"
This Week:
* PROJECT - Introducing the 'Clickbait Robot'
* VIDEO - How Bladerunner would be shit with Siri
* B3TA_LINKS - Finally fixed on Twitter. YAY!
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | the web
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| ... together"
B3ta email 670 - 04 Dec 2015
Read this issue in your pants:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue670
Friend b3ta on Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/b3tan
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: SPONSORED LINK
Amazing drum machine calculator thing
Oh, if you've got £48, this pocket calculator
style drum machine has kept us busy recently.
Huge sound, tiny price, perfect for Christmas.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00X6EYNQ...
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Ok, we've been lazy and there's been no
newsletter for 22 weeks, tbh we can't promise
there's going to be one every week either but
today is your lucky day. LUCKY. There's a LOT to
get through so hold tight, we had to dig through
22 weeks of submissions for this. Christ on a
fucking bike, actually we binned most of it on
the basis that you don't want a newsletter about
four miles long. So here goes:
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THESE WEEK
Other than making suspicious jam
>> Blade Runner With A Siri Interface <<
Black Moon writes, "The description kind of says
it all really. No point watching it now."
https://www.youtube.com/watch
>> Loo Read - Walk on the Wired Side <<
Merkinhead writes, "My latest piece of
paronomasiac nonsense. Twitter profiles "sing"
Lou Reed. Hope this one stays up longer than
four days... (P.S. There's a tit in it - and I'm
not talking about Nick Kamen - so some might
consider it NSFW, although I've not ticked the
box.) "
https://www.youtube.com/watch
>> Top Ten Bad Word Wrongs <<
Eddache writes, "Learn how to talk more gooder"
https://www.youtube.com/watch
>> Dodge Zombies <<
I Smash Things in My Sleep Uruk-Hai writes,
"Just for Halloween, my little avoid the zombies
game. Seriously you will not last 3 minutes."
http://www.zettix.com/Graphics/js/dodge3d/index.ht...
>> Corporate Monopoly Game <<
Corington writes, "I made this for work - go
round the board trying not to lose all your
money to the evil capitalist hat (or just play
as the hat)"
http://www.globaljustice.org.uk/corporatemonopoly
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: GIFT IDEAS FOR MEN
Seriously, we understand men and there's only
three things worth buying them. Cheese, booze or
socks. This isn't a joke, it's the truth.
Oh and this Whisky advent calendar looks very
nice. Buy that too.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B016C5MHQ...
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: HELLO 'CLICKBAIT ROBOT'
Your B3ta editor has been coding
After not bothering for several years your B3ta
editor Rob has been learning Python and made a
bot that looks for trending items and turns them
into clickbait. Follow on Twitter, Facebook or Tumblr.
https://twitter.com/clickbaitrobot
https://www.facebook.com/clickbaitrobot
http://clickbaitrobot.tumblr.com/
* B3TA LINKS ON TWITTER - Rob also writes about
his other bot, "The B3tan, WeirdWeb made this a
few years back and it stopped working (2 years
ago?) - so he gave me the account and I wrote
some exciting code that does pretty much the
same thing as it always did."
https://twitter.com/b3ta_links
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: HOW TO GET YOUR STUFF IN THIS NEWSLETTER
Simple really, post on /links/
All you have to do is post your thingie-bob
on our links board and if the community and
or the site editors like it then you'll appear
here. Go on, join in, but don't post and run,
hang around and chat a bit else the regulars
get arsey.
http://b3ta.com/links/
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Flat, slow, clicky
* 16 ROMANIAN PHRASES THAT BRITISH PEOPLE FIND
HILARIOUS - B3tans Rob Manuel & HappyToast did
this listicle for Azimo who aren't paying us to
promo it but we might as well, anyway it's good!
Really!
https://azimo.com/en/blog/16-romanian-phrases-brit...
* DON'T GIVE THE SUBS ACID - Fred Zeppelin
writes, "Very Funny 'Story' From the
Peterborough Standard, 1979. Goes off on
something of a tangent, let's say."
http://bravenewmalden.com/2011/02/03/the-fremony-a...
* SNAKE - THE TEXT ADVENTURE - Bootsthealchemist
writes, "The Most Fully Awesome Online Version
of Snake You've Ever Played!"
http://www.draknek.org/games/shitsnake2/#7.l.e.17.q.1e.g.f
* WHAT'S YOUR 'SPINAL TAP GUITARIST' NAME - A
little known fact is that the name Nigel Tufnell
is a play on Eric Clapton. I.e. boring bloke
name plus London location. Tube and train
stations work well.
http://www.thepoke.co.uk/2015/12/03/whats-spinal-t...
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE:
Some 'free' ideas
* Get The Pet Shop Boys to do a cover of Lorem
Ipsum. "Lorem. Lorem. Lorem ipsum dolor sit
amet."
* Start a Kickstarter for a 'drugs advent
calendar' Bit of smack, lsd & whatevs behind each
door. Finish with a cocaine 'white Christmas'
* Find a terrorist and ask them what they want.
Read lots of "that's what the terrorists want!"
but few seem to ask them directly.
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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Like TV but even shittier
* THIS VIDEO IS PURE WOW - here's a pure
emotional truth in this song, "the world is
burning, let's masturbate". Not even joking.
https://www.youtube.com/watch …
* FOAM AD - TheWooinator writes, 'I Genuinely
Stumbled across this co looking for some foam
for my sofa, saw they had a promo and thought,
"I bet this HAS to be the most dull promo in
history"'
http://www.thefoamshop.co.uk/page/152/promo-video
* NORTHERN STAR WARS DIRECTED BY KEN LOACH -
Pissflaps. writes, "Yoda: 'Shit out of you they
will kick'"
https://www.youtube.com/watch
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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Revenge II
Here's the best stories from last week:
* OUTSIDE THE DRIFTWOOD SPARS, ST AGNES - I
found Mrs Andrew Ridgeley's purse in the car
park of the Driftwood Spars pub. It was
stacked with cash and cards. I took it into
the pub and handed it to the barman. He then
took it over to Mr & Mrs Ridgeley who were
eating at a table in the corner of the bar.
The barman handed her the purse, and pointed
at me to indicate who had handed it in. They
didn't even wave at me. No free drink. No pat
on the back from the former Wham 'guitarist /
singer' or from his equally talented 'singer
from Bananarama' wife. I've not bought a
single Wham or Bananarama record since that
day. That'll teach them. Thinking about it I
have bought compilation albums with both
'bands' songs on them. Shit, shit, shit.
Really pissed off now.
(insignificantsnivellinglittleturd, 5 votes)
* IN A CERTAIN NORTH LONDON FIRE
STATION............ - There is (or at least
was) a 20 year old framed picture on the wall
of then local MP and Prime Minister Margaret
Thatcher. She is surrounded by the boys of Red
Watch and smiling whilst holding a large mug
of tea. Each of the firemen in that photo had
specially wiped their dirty, stinking cocks
around the inside of that mug before her
"photo opportunity" visit. Sweet revenge for
the wave of Fire Station closures that she had
instigated. I feel sure that she is not aware
of this to this day. (Zuowan, 3 votes)
* Read all the other answers from the 'Revenge
II' question:
http://b3ta.com/questions/Revenge2
>> This week: While the cat's away <<
This weeks question from social hand grenade who
asks, "What have you done when your other half
has gone off somewhere for the weekend?"
http://b3ta.com/questions/catsaway
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Breakdance
Here's the best images from last week:
* ELECTRIC WHEELCHAIR BOOGALOO - (Ninj)
http://b3ta.com/board/11178979
* SKEGNESS IS SO BREAKDANCING - (Ya What?)
http://b3ta.com/board/11178982
* CLASSIC BREAKDANCE MOVE 'THE WINDMILL' RENAMED
'THE WINDMIDDLETON' BY ROYAL DECREE -
(R2Dtard)
http://b3ta.com/board/11179417
* See all the other images from the 'Breakdance'
challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/breakdance
>> This week: Comedy Music Mash up <<
It's a simple mash up crossover challenge this
week. Put musicians in to comedies and comedy
characters in to bands. Plenty of punnage to be
had.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/comedymusicmash
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Follow b3ta on Twitter:
https://www.twitter.com/b3ta
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TOP TIP: IF YOU'RE IN AUSTRALIA AND YOU SWALLOW
A FLY - Don't swallow a spider to catch it, most
are poisonous and you'll die before you even get
to the horse. (oneinthepink)
Add your own 'top tip' at:
http://b3ta.com/questions/toptips
