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Back when I was a moody teenager I took a cheap flight that involved changing planes and having to go through security again. My bags were pre-checked so, when I set off the metal detector, I honestly said to the security guy that I had no idea what had set it off.

Until, that is, he searched me and found the metal knife and fork stamped "KLM" I'd nicked off the previous flight.

Tell us your best airport stories.

(, Fri 3 Mar 2006, 10:09)
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Didgeri-dont
Many years ago, backpacking round the world, I was on the leg from Sydney to Mexico, via Los Angeles. Where obviously you can't just transit, you have to get your bags, traipse about have an M16 rifle up yer clunge etc etc. So, there with my tourist tat, a BA Baracus alike, in all seriousness, gets shirty about my didgeridoo. "What is it?" he asks. Now, when I recounted the tale of how it's aboriginal symbolism for a penis, he got shirty. Really shirty, and asked me if it was some kind of weapon. Now, doing the right thing (ie not laughing in the face of this gun-wielding "security" nutter with no brain or sense of humour), I say "No, it's not.The aboriginals didn't use it as a weapon." I then whip out my boomerang. "This, on the other hand, can kill a kangaroo at 100 paces." Our survey said "Er-Er". Wrong answer. Very, very wrong. Having to explain this to someone who'd clearly never ventured out of Buttf*ck, California exactly what it was,why I wasn't winding him up and why a piece of curved timber with "Souvenir of Coogee Bay" is not likely to be classed as WMD is not an easy task after 20 hours in flight and transit.
(, Mon 6 Mar 2006, 15:47, closed)

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