Central Park, NYC
While living in NY, I decided I was ready for a dog and settled on an English Mastiff puppy. He is a great dog...and when he was younger, we used to run in the park at night.

So one night, we are running along this softball field in Central Park, it was around 11pm and I am running in combat fatigues, combat boots and a USMC Officer Candidate School t-shirt...puppy along for the airing....when out of the pitch black night, this grey blur comes FLYING out of the outfield of the softball field and lunges right for my dogs neck!

Once it ceased its rapid forward motion I was able to determine it was a dalmation. I hated that cartoon as a kid and my yelping puppy only made me hate the breed more. So, I did what any former American football player (or English for that matter) would do, I took two quick steps, planted my foot and BOOTED (quite literally) that Dalmation a good ten feet in the air. Not ten feet distance wise, but height-wise.

Cue large Polish/Czech/Russian immigrant and his fat wife running up to me to scream that my dog "should be on leash"...which he was. And that I "should no have kicked his dog"...which I did.

Immediately I knew what to do - summoning all the eloquence, wit, cleverness and subtlety at my disposal, I turned to the wife and, happily assured of my genius, said...."Why dont you shut up you stupid fucking cunt?" and glaring.

Husband and wife both, disappointingly, skulked off into the deepening darkness.

I fucking hate Dalmations.
( Citadel Because the world needs less morons, Wed 8 Jun 2005, 16:06, Reply)