Enchanted glade
Have a portion of roasted peas:
At university I fell in love with the most beautiful girl I have ever known. I wasn't the only person to fall in love with her, but by some miracle she chose me (actually I found out later that I was one of several people, but let's not let facts spoil the story).

I'll call her Q: she was stunningly beautiful and loved mucky sex. One day, after a particularly hot shag, she whispered huskily in my ear that she wanted me to come to her parents' place that weekend. So we took the train to her parents' house and after lunch Q suggested we went for a walk in the woods. When we were well out of sight of the house she took me by the hand and led me into the trees. “This may be the only chance we get this weekend” she said as we walked deeper into the woods. Then, “I want to show you a special place”.

Well I’d already seen her special place, but perhaps seeing it outside would be even better, I thought. Turns out it was a special place in the woods she wanted to show me. There was a glade, and it was perfect. The sunlight came slanting down through the trees, illuminating the mossy floor with shafts of green and golden light. The leaves seemed to be rustling sensually as we stood looking into the hidden grove. The only thing missing was a baby deer. Two trees had grown leaning together, their trunks forming a kind of arched entrance. Q looked up at me and proceeded to tell me about wood-spirits and ancient pagan customs, and the meanings of trees. As I lost myself in her deep brown eyes and soft voice she told me that when we walked through the arch our souls would be joined and the magic glade would be ours to consummate our woodland wedding.

She led me through the arch into the clearing and we stood in a beam of sunlight, holding hands and gazing at each other. I bent down to kiss her and as our lips met I swear the birds started to sing. Well we snogged and then there was some fumbling and rubbing and pretty soon we were lying down on the mossy grass. Q started undoing my belt and trousers. My hands were already in her pants, so I pulled them down and she manouvered her legs to get them off. She stroked me enthusiastically as I undid her blouse, exposing her beautifully formed breasts. She rolled me over onto my back, pulled a condom out of a pocket somewhere and expertly put it on me. “I love this girl”, I thought as she straddled me, her long dark hair falling around my face like a cage just for us two.

I think it was around then that I noticed the spider web in her hair, but my thoughts were elsewhere. Her head was down close to mine, her eyes closed as she moaned. I felt an itch under my bum, against the ground, but chose to ignore it. Q reached round to scratch an itch on her back. I kept pumping away as she squirmed delightfully on top of me, and then moved her hand to scratch one knee. I was aware of the itch on my bum getting worse, and I was starting to feel a scratching on the back of my neck. I used one hand to scratch it and felt something on my neck, something wriggly. Then there was a burning sensation starting at my neck and moving down my back, the itching on my bum turned into a biting, Q’s sexy squirming turned into an irritated shaking and her moaning from pleasurable to complaining. She suddenly leapt off me, her hands going under her clothes to scratch herself and I reached for the burning areas on my skin. I looked down to my glistening dumbstick, only to see what looked like a small army of ants marching up my thighs towards it, pausing only to sink their enormous jaws into my soft flesh. I stood up and started dancing around, slapping at my legs and back, where more ants were beating a path down my spine. Something was in my hair: a beetle! Q was standing head down frantically scratching at her head and I swear I saw spiders and centipedes falling out as she pawed at her hair.

We both ran and jumped, scratched and slapped, I more encumbered than she as my pants were round my ankles. Eventually I thought I’d got all the bugs off me but my skin was still crawling. I felt a slimy thing on my thigh only to look down and discover it was my condom-clad and now-deflated member drooping slimily against my leg. Q was crying as I pulled up my trousers, still shivering and twitching as I felt the creatures crawling over me. To cap it all off a bird flew over and crapped on me with a laughing cackle.

Q stormed off, sobbing and I followed her, pushing our way through what now seemed thorny, unfriendly undergrowth, pausing occasionally to claw frantically at more spiders which had latched on to us. We rushed back to her parents’ house to have (separate) showers.
(Smale is stuffed, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 12:25, 4 replies)

And what's worse - by calling her Q
...you created for me a mental picture of a young man giving some sweet lovin' to Desmond Llewellyn in a beautiful woodland setting.

Nasty.
(sabre-tooth monkey, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 12:51, closed)

Hmm, yes
never occurred to me, that one.
(Smale is stuffed, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:16, closed)

We already have a winner
for this week and the last.
(mersault, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:05, closed)

Smumppt... pppfttt..
AHAHAHAHHHA AHAHHAHAHAH AHHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHHAH

This is just perfect, what a result!

I love QOTW and this is front page material if not a weinner!
(AndyC4m Eject Eject [><], Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:15, closed)

Pagan
The woodland spirits clearly frowned upon your union, knowing you were not meant to be together.

Nicely told though, *click*.
( Scrumper, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 21:35, closed)