Billy Bullshit.
There’s this old geezer down my local, everything he says is bullshit. He’s a lorry driver, fact; the following are some of the chestnuts I can remember.

He’s worked in Iran and Iraq during their numerous wars and regularly had gun battles.

He’s a major share holder in Rio Tinto Zinc (the biggest mining company in the world with revenues of around $45 Billion).

He owns a large yacht; it’s in storage at the mo though.

He claimed to live in a large house and when one night he left his phone in the pub, one of the locals went round to his gaff and banged on the door “never heard of him” said the old biddy that answered.

He built the new terminal 5 building at Heathrow (cost £4.1Billion and was put up by Laing O’Rourke).

He was going to South America for 3 weeks on a photography holiday, he didn’t. When pressed on why he hadn’t gone “oh, it was cancelled, lots of people dropped out at the last minute”.

The best one though was when he came into the pub one evening “I’m absolutely cream crackered” he said “I’ve been to Sussex, to Essex, back to Sussex, back to Essex, Middlesex and then back into Kent again”. Only he hadn’t, I’d seen him pulling into another boozer at 11am that morning!
(Croque Monsieur, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:37, Reply)