Snullits
I was coming home from work on my usual bus, bopping to my ipod and reading a book, industrial size coffee in hand, with nary a care in the world. Then I noticed a small chavette staring at me from the other side of the bus with chavvus senior(ita) in tow.

Anyway, this kid was blessed with Simo Häyhä-like manual aiming skills. Somehow sensing that I wasn’t part of the same social genus as her, she was determinedly excavating her nostrils, finding little nuggets of goo, applying a fascinatingly complex circular motion with her index finger and thumb, and then flicking the projectile at me with startling accuracy, power and pace.

The first bogie hit me in the perfect mathematical, geometric centre of my nose. The second and third hit me in my eye and corner of my mouth respectively. I think I took the fourth in the arm.

I leaned over to the matriarch and requested in a low voice to get her little darling to stop pinging me with snullits.

“Fack off, paedo” she narked at me.

I pressed the button to get off, as there was no way I would survive taking any further collateral damage that might occur. As the door lurched open, I loosened my coffee cup lid, got up, and walked past the pair. As I passed them I chucked the contents of my coffee cup at them both whilst screaming “IT BURNS” as loudly as I could.

I ran away like the coward I am and kind of wishing that I hadn’t have let my coffee get ice cold. Ah well.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 21:18, 3 replies)

snot
belongs in noses, or in handkerchiefs. That is utterly vile, and I believe I would have done the same.

*click for gruesomeness*
(anvil, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 23:49, closed)

I would have done the same...
...If I didn't have a gun handy.
(DarkSol, Fri 26 Jun 2009, 3:22, closed)

I forgot to mention
They smelt like cum.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Sun 28 Jun 2009, 3:08, closed)