If there's anyone who reads this knows me in real life, they'll get who I am from this post alone.
I'm not a fan of labouring the point, so I'll convey this as briefly as I can.

12 year old Pat Gash

Likes playing football a lot, plays every lunch time at school.

Mum makes corned beef sandwiches, not his favourite.

Most days would forget to eat sandwiches due to playing football from the starting bell to finishing bell.

Also, then forgets to bin them on the way home some days, so occasionally have a sandwich I need to dispose of without mum seeing when I get home....but she empties ALL the bins. What to do?....

Yes, Genius, throw them out my bedroom window onto a wide flat ledge that hangs over the door underneath. Noone will find them there.

Except, pigeons, and seagulls, lots of them. Parents think "That's odd"

Mystery of the most bird-attractive house in Essex solved when a mouldy green lump in a plastic bag that was once a sandwich falls onto the front lawn to greet mum home.

"Why don't you like my sandwiches Young Pat?" says mum, "Are you a spannerexic or something?" asks dad.

"No, I just like playing football more than below average sandwiches" I explained whilst crying like only a geeky 12 year old boy can.

My family still take the piss, and my best man told everyone I know at my wedding last year. Fuckers, one and all.
(Pat_Gash, Thu 3 Jun 2010, 16:30, Reply)