Leave it to the new mom to be the bouncer
Back eons ago, ok, 16 years, I was recuperating at home after having my first baby. It had been a terrible delivery, I had been fucking hallucinating for crap's sake during pushing her out and now was was home with a 48 hour old infant who cried all night, wouldn't nurse and my good friend's funeral was the next day. Plus my mother was staying with us and she and my spare were useless as far as I was concerned. I had to take care of them.

I was ultra-dimensionally cranky. I would have happily slit someone's throat for the change of pace.

The baby had finally, finally let me drift off to sleep when my mother creeps up the stairs like a mouse and hisses 'there's a woman at the door and she won't go away.'

"Why the hell won't she go away? It's after midnight. What's she doing in the house? Tell her to go away! Let me sleep!"

My soft hearted kinfolk can't bring themselves to toss this woman out, who by the way is only inside my damn house because MY MOTHER OPENED THE DOOR AND LET A STRANGER IN AT MIDNIGHT! The two of them stand in my bedroom and wring their hands ineffectually like mongs until I leap out of bed in rage and stomp downstairs.

This woman had the balls to knock on my door at 12 o'clock at night and tell my stupid mother she needed money for the bus to Holland (across the state, 150 miles away) and a ride to the station! We live nowhere near the bus station, they don't run at night and there isn't any direct service from my town to Holland. In fact, I don't think there IS bus service from Ann Arbor to Holland. What kind of wimpy con is this?

I can't believe these people are so wishy-washy and dumb as to let an obvious beggar into the house, late at night, with a brand-new baby* in the house, believe this story that's absolutley lacy with holes, then are unable to summon the balls to tell her to leave and get my ass up out of bed the first time in 4 or 5 days I'd had any restful sleep to deal with the mess of their making. Oh, somebody was going to pay and I didn't care who.

I whipped around to the doorway and screamed all in one breath in my best fishwife screech, "Who the fuck do you think you are? It's past midnight! You can't have any money, we aren't taking you to the bus station, get out of my house in the next 20 seconds or I call the cops and you should get your story straight because you pulled this shit on me last year!"

She has done the exact same thing last year-knocked on the door late at night with some preposterous story about money for bus fare to some outlandish place. Cnut. She started in with I-don't-know-what and I took one step closer, put on my best psycho-mommy face and shouted, "I have a newborn baby!" and she left.

Later I found out my mother rewarded this performance with a 20 dollar bill for the grifter on the front porch. Way to go, mom. Back me up, there.

*We are the home town of the Michigan Murders and have one of the highest sexual crime rates in Michigan. At the time, there was also a guy running up behind women, knocking them unconcious and raping them. I could see one vic's house from my front porch and another woman was raped on the street two blocks from my house. He had killed someone the year before. So, I was a little nervous about letting strangers in at midnight.


Why, oh why is this so long?
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Tue 23 Oct 2007, 4:18, 3 replies)

This story
makes me want to punch someone. how stooopid...
(Bluffboy South Africa! World Champions!!!, Tue 23 Oct 2007, 8:15, closed)

This is totally irrelevant
but the first time I was in a Denny's restaurant was in Holland, MI. The mention of the name brought it back to me.

[puts head back down and gets on with life]
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 23 Oct 2007, 8:23, closed)

Mum's eh?
Bless 'em, always there to get you raped, robbed and killed. My old dear does similar things, leaving me wondering just what the fuck she was thinking, exactly?
If your story was 16 years ago, you are probably approaching the time you too will open the door to a low-life, for your own offspring. And so the miracle circle of life goes on!
(Rsoles, Wed 24 Oct 2007, 12:25, closed)