Before time runs out
I will relay the tale of my friend, who shall remain nameless as he is now happilly shacked up with someone much nearer his own age.

My friend, before his current ladyfriend, accquired a bit of a reputation as a granny grabber. Now, granny is a subjective term, here, but considering he is only just 21, ladies in their mid forties can easiy be considered grannies.

The second one, the one who cemented his reputation, is actually a very attractive lady. She is actually a real life granny, but a very very attractive one, also a very nice person too. The odd thing is, and this comes from me listening to him telling one of my other friends about their little tryst, that he seems to have gotten a bit carried away. You see, about two years ago, this lady had a breast cancer scare. You know what small villages are like, all the gossip, but she apparently had to have a mastectomy. My friend can neither confirm nor deny this rumour, as he "didn't notice" the exact amount of boobies he was fondling. At that point in the conversation it became apparent I was listening as I snorted lager out of my nose. I find it a little hard to believe, and say this proves she simply told him to piss off when he arrived drunk at her door.

The first one, the legendary one, is a confirmed kill, however. We refer to the lady fondly as Shergar. She's had a crack at most of the younger fellows round here since splitting up with her husband, allegedly after being caught having an affair. She seemed to get my friend under some sort of spell, and despite him asking me to stop him if he ever went near her again, he constantly would stagger to her door, awkwardly say hello to the daughters (who he had been at school with) and deprave himself.

Even the argument we witnessed between her and her ex husband didn't put him off. It turned out he had left her because she had contracted chlamydia and given it to him. She was in full denial mode, bringing the pub to a standstill as she ranted and raved like a lunatic, calling this poor man every name under the sun. How he sat there and preserved his dignity I do not know.

Withing ten minutes of her leaving the pub, my friend left too.

He doesn't have many brains.
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Tue 9 Dec 2008, 0:26, Reply)