*insert Diana joke here*
*insert length joke here*
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 22 Jan 2008, 19:48, 3 replies)

Themed Diana joke?
My friend Trevor used to work for the Met royal protection squad. A few years back whilst on an assignment he stayed at the Ritz in Paris guarding this dizzy blonde and her new squeeze.

Anyway, after a nice meal she decided to "go back to his place for coffee" and the hotel put up their finest driver to take her home. Turns out he was a bit of a lush and had tipped off his mates in the press for a few shots.

Pissed as a handcart, his mates chased him through the streets in the hotels Merc until they got side swiped by a fiat panda (bloody italians...) and lost it the entrance to a tunnel (how many of us can say that in your youth eh?)

Now, not saying they both had a lucky escape because they were all killed horribly, but his old man turned out to be a foreign nutcase with a rather large corner shop, obsessed with conspiracies and her lot turned out to be all out to get her for dating a muslim. Well, for generally putting it about a bit anyway.

Laugh? He nearly died.
(Mong The Merciless Older not wiser, Wed 23 Jan 2008, 10:21, closed)

Oh, OK then...
After the crash, Diana is floating around in heaven, waving at the proles and continuing her campaigning against landmines, in an attempt to make the kingdom sit up and do something about all the one-winged angels floating about (somewhat lopsidedly).

Some years pass, and she sees a familiar figure wandering around. ‘Blimey’, says HRH, ‘if it isn’t the Queen Mum’. And off she floats across the cloud to talk to her.

‘So they finally got round to you then’? Diana asks, smiling coyly through her voluminous fringe.

The Queen Mum gives Diana a somewhat withering look. ‘Comes to us all, you know. Some sooner than others. By the way, I see that the saintly image you projected on earth hasn’t followed you here’.

Diana, a bit bemused by this remark, replies ‘I’m not sure I follow you’.

‘Your halo’, says the fishbone-swallowing old dear, ‘it seems to have slipped’.

Diana’s eyes narrowed at this. Her brow visibly furrowed, and her wings ruffled in annoyance.

‘That isn’t a halo’ she retorted, ‘it’s a fucking steering wheel’!
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 23 Jan 2008, 15:39, closed)

OK then, brace yourself!
Diana arrives at the pearly gates and St Peter opens up. Just as she's about to walk through he says "Not so fast, I'm not sure you can come in".
"But why"? She replied, "I did loads for charity, I helped the starving in Africa, I suported AIDS charities, I helped found the Anti-Landmines movement, what could I possibly have done to be kept out of heaven?"
"It's your smug attitude" says St Peter.
"What smug attitude"? She replied, shocked.





"Well, you can take that merc off your face for a start!" He replied.




I am so sorry



I have a large penis.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 23 Jan 2008, 17:06, closed)