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Cunning Plans

I once devised a totally foolproof cunning plan to attract the attention of bikini-clad women, which - as you might imagine - failed miserably. Ever come up with a cunning plan for something? Did it work? What went wrong? Do you look back through the filter of the years with a burning sense of shame?

Suggested by Ring of Fire

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Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 11:57)

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I will run local campaigns to get the BNP into parliament
Then when they get elected they will deport foreigners like myself, and I wont pay a dime. I will never see another chav again, earn twice what I do here, and never again have to put up with handymen arriving "some time between noon and six".
(tyrellsOwl, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 8:04, 43 replies)

You could always just fuck off now.
You would get all of the 'benefits' you state, but wouldn't leave the rest of the country under the rule of the BNP.
(The Magic Number is neither magic nor a number, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 8:24, closed)

Cant really afford to move, is the problem.

And holy hell, joke alert, jeez.
(tyrellsOwl, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 8:36, closed)

See I read this.
& I see this regularly.

Strangely enough most of the people driving cars with these stickers on don't appear to be Aboriginal.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 12 Jul 2012, 9:54, closed)

I would like to say that as an Australian, I always feel a sense of burning shame seeing those signs and stickers.

(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 12 Jul 2012, 10:31, closed)

Absent without leave first in first out? I am getting mixed messages from this sticker.
(tyrellsOwl, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 10:37, closed)

1st time I say it I thought it meant someone who worked up North
"Fly in, Fly out" and they were chucking a sickie.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 12 Jul 2012, 11:13, closed)

~~seeing those signs and stickers~~
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monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 10:47, closed)

Interestingly they usually sport the RSL/Vietnam Vet stickers on the same windshield.
& here we are about to go into a once-in-4-year "Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, Oi, Oi, Oi" frenzy.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 12 Jul 2012, 11:11, closed)

So the only way you'll get off your lazy, fat arse and improve your life is if you're forcibly removed by neo nazis?
Christ. Even for this place you're a fucking waste.
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Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 8:30, closed)

You deserve it, mister! Youre so mean!
(tyrellsOwl, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 8:37, closed)

Early morning grumps Dr?
A nice herbal tea will help.
(

The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 8:38, closed)

I'm whazzed up on caffeine and pseudoephedrine.
Fortunately for these spazzmods, I'm off camping in a few hours.
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Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 9:30, closed)

Oh, won't someone think of
the wildlife?
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 12 Jul 2012, 10:13, closed)

where you from tyrrell?
Where would you get sent to?
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 12 Jul 2012, 8:44, closed)

Lol well probably nowhere, i dont think in the highly unlikely event the bnp are elected they will be competent enough to do anything. But in answer to your question, Norway.
(tyrellsOwl, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 8:47, closed)

I've just drawn a list of ethnicities that the BNP are paranoid about.
Norway is at position 195.
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Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 9:31, closed)

Crap. Back to the drawing board.
(tyrellsOwl, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 9:42, closed)

Have they not invented "ferries" yet in your tragic little universe?

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Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 10:08, closed)

I'm sure he can afford to get there.
It's probably the skyhigh rents and cost of living that are stopping him moving back.
(

The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 10:21, closed)

In all seriousness (just for a minute) it's just the move itself, bringing the furniture and things, thats quite expensive.
Once i am over there, working a dev job or something, the high salary makes up for the high cost of living (so long as you dont drink or smoke, natch)
(tyrellsOwl, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 10:24, closed)

you do realise you come across as a fucking bellend in this thread right?

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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 12 Jul 2012, 10:25, closed)

Lol yes, thats the idea.
Unless ive missed the point of qotw
(tyrellsOwl, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 10:32, closed)

legless defence,
good work.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 12 Jul 2012, 10:41, closed)

Cheers.

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Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 10:44, closed)

This seems moot.
You're clearly too thick to have a salaried job anywhere.
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Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 10:44, closed)

I do, in the UK!!!
(tyrellsOwl, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 10:45, closed)

Somebody is paying a salary to somebody whose grasp of basic economics would embarrass a ten year old?
No wonder the economy is struggling.
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Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 10:58, closed)

That icon of yours offends me. I find it racist to my people.
(tyrellsOwl, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 11:01, closed)

"Morons" isn't a race.

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Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 11:08, closed)

It's a religion. They
sometimes knock on our door.
(username failed moderation, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 11:10, closed)

What does a viking helmet have to do with morons? Insult fail. Youre losing touch, sham!
(tyrellsOwl, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 11:18, closed)

Ah also, housing costs the same as here!
(tyrellsOwl, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 10:25, closed)

Ha ha.
Fucking Norwegians, over here, eating our fish.
(username failed moderation, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 9:54, closed)

lol
Well I never! Thats just racist stereotyping of the worst kind!
(tyrellsOwl, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 9:57, closed)

Fuck off back to Africa, you paki bastard!
Am I doing this right?
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monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 10:08, closed)

You have to pull your
eyes into slits and stick your teeth out while you're doing it.
(username failed moderation, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 10:21, closed)

There's nothing quite more entertaining
than watching a Chinese person poo-poohing all the other Asiatic races.
Particularly if they're a woman & they're driving at the time.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 12 Jul 2012, 10:25, closed)

Thats the spirit! But can you throw in something about nordic people? "ice beaners" or "whale jockey" or something?
(tyrellsOwl, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 10:21, closed)

Nordic?
Pah! You don't even look forrin. The BNP will never even notice you, unless it's to venerate you as some sort of Aryan superbeing.
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monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 10:45, closed)

yes, this did occur to me..
What about UKIP? They seem to be the sort that wont admit to racism, and are just sceptical of all foreigners. Thats what they say anyway.
(tyrellsOwl, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 10:47, closed)

UKIP: the BNP for middle class cowards.
My mum used to think highly of the BNP, leading me to make a right tit of myself at school when I announced my intention to vote for them. I may even have used the phrase "floodgates of immigration", making me a kindred spirit to Nigel Farrage.
Excuse me, I have to go scrub with wire wool and bleach, now.
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monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 10:54, closed)

In all seriousness
the BNP are a bit of a spent force at the moment. You'd do 'better' campaigning for the English Democrats.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 10:45, closed)

youre probably right
I havent thought this through at all, have I?
(tyrellsOwl, Thu 12 Jul 2012, 11:00, closed)

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