There's no petrol in my car...
I had this twice in the time I worked as a cashier in a petrol station. Not so much hellish, I suppose, but dumb.
On both occasions the conversation went something like this:
Customer: I've just filled up, but the petrol hasn't gone into my tank.
Me: You mean nothing's coming out when you squeeze the trigger?
C: Yes, but you've charged me for a full tank.
(For those of you who don't know petrol/diesel is on a type of flow meter. If there's nothing dispensing i.e. AIR neither the price nor the litre displays will move.)
Me: (explains above)
C: Well, there's nothing in there, my petrol gauge hasn't moved.
Me: Ok, let's have a look. Are you sure your gauge is working?
C: Yes
So here's where the story splits as I review respective cars...

C1: Look see I turn the ignition and...
Me: And the gauge goes straight up to full? Did you start the car after you filled up?
C1: No I just looked at the gauge.
Me: And it's a new car, right...
(goes on to explain in lengthy detail that some cars need power before they read)
C1: Oh.

C2: (turns ignition) Look, see, it doesn't move.
Me: May I...? (reaches over and taps the perspex over the dial) There we are.
C2: Oh.

Neither of them apologise either. Bastards.

I did hear a tale from my manager that a woman had filled up and a week later came back saying the pump must have cut her short as she wasn't getting as many miles to a tank as she normally did, blithely forgetting the masses of roadworks that had sprung up on her normal route.

Also a piece of advice - this is not meant nastily as I have problems on a new car finding out how to open my fuel cap whilst feeling like a total tit:
Skoda Octavia Mk I - there is a button on the central console above the radio with a petrol pump symbol on it. That opens the fuel door.
Renault Laguna Mk I - there is a little lever down by the drivers seat that opens the fuel door.
10 minutes it took me with my first Laguna (d'oh)!
( VandenPlas can't think of anything clever - no change there!, Wed 10 Sep 2008, 12:00, 3 replies)

I hired an Octavia once
I spent ages looking for the button. Eventually I had to get the handbook out and look it up. People behind me in the queue at the petrol station were shaking their heads.

I had considered forcing it, but thought better of it.

MkII Lagunas have a flap which locks with the central locking. Much better. Shame the rest of the car's so crap.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 10 Sep 2008, 12:21, closed)

Not fuel related but
My dad's middle life crisis lead to the purchasing of a classic merc, SL380. The battery needed charging. So i went to find the battery to remove it to take it to be charged.

Took me 20 minutes to work out how to open the bloody bonnet only to find there was no battery. Could have explained a lot. Then i checked the boot, and there it was.

Having said that, my mates old BMW the battery was under the seats of the rear passengers. Fuck knows what would happen is ya pissed ya self over it.
(StyX is staring at you, yes YOU!!!, Wed 10 Sep 2008, 16:15, closed)

my car's name is gir
so *click* from me.
(misskitty reeks of sex and turpentine; laudanum afternoons, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 6:15, closed)