Gonad-Squeezing-Foam-Terror!
My esteemed work colleague, N, told me this one.

He used to be in a band, playing guitar, and his bass player, D, was a maintance contractor for Titish Brelicom.

Now, as seems to be the way with the construction industry, they're fond of playing pranks on one another, things like nailing jackets to the wall, gluing down mugs of tea, and so on, all fairly harmless fun, laughs all round.

One day a new boy joins D's crew, and he is, to quote, "A mouthy little runt". They get fed up with him pretty quickly, and decided after a few days that they'd "sort the little bastard out".

At the time they were working with expanding foam to put into ducting, and it was decided that they'd use this to get one over on him.

Cut to the scene of two burly builder-types holding this little chav-monkey down, and filling his kappa jogging bottoms with the magical expandy-foam.

Cue laughs all around, the little guy included, until his smiles turn to a look of terror...

The foam had started to bond to his skin, giving him a winning combination of chemical burns and squeezing, as the now-solid foam embraced his legs and crotch in a crab-like grip.

The hardened foam also stopped him from bending his legs, so a he was carried to a car, and driven to hospital.

The doctors cut him out of his fungal-looking sarcophagus, treated his chemical burns, and he made a full recovery, returning to work and being "one of the lads" from then on.

So... The construction trade, where serious assault is only a hilarious prank away.

As for length, at least he wasn't going commando that day...
( Cawl, Fri 4 Apr 2008, 10:15, Reply)