University
I think I was a bit of a cunt at uni... My flat mate Jon was a bit wet behind the ears when we were in Halls of residence, so we all used to play little jokes on him. I hid his shoes once, so he went and forked out 40 quid on a new pair without even mentioning it to anyone. Also, he used to love those Mr. Kipling mini bramley apple pies which he'd eat with custard all the time. One evening I carefully opened the box, took out a pie, scraped the apple from within and cracked an egg into the pastry case which I microwaved, replace the lid using a jam adhesive and put back in the box, sealing again with glue.

A few days later we all went out on the lash and got pretty innebriated and got the inevitable drunken-hunger when we got back to the flat. Jon went straight for the pies, took out the egg-pie with a couple of others and threw them in a bowl with some custard and scoffed the lot.

He thought it tasted a bit funny, maybe it was going off. But he still ate the whole damn thing. It was all I could do not piss myself.

I used to do things like this quite a lot to poor old Jon, and he got more and more wild as the year went on. At the end of the first year, we came back from a night out to find him eating anti-depressants and paracetamol from the bottles, washing them down with vodka wearing just his pants while sitting on the window ledge. He really had flipped - he chinned me, pulled some trousers on jumped in his car to go off to Tesco for more pills, pissed as a fart. When he came back it took three coppers to break the window and drag him out while he still had his foot ion the accelerator...

I was wracked with guilt for the whole summer, thinking I was responsible for his mental episode. I spoke to him when we came back in the second year and he told me it was our other flatmate Rick who had been bullying him really badly all year, and no one else had noticed. He thought my pranks were funny and had actually been putting small bits of paper cut from the bible in my cereal for the whole year. I have eaten all of Genesis apparently.

So we all got Rick when he left halfway through the year. His very prim and conservative Mother came to pick him up, so we helped pack his stuff into the car. Including the 5 record bags PACKED with really nasty porn that we all 'accidentally' dropped, spilling their contents into the street.

His mum didn't know where to look, but to his embarrassment started picking them up and putting them all away coz we couldn't stand up anymore and the neighbours were all watching....
( BlueHaze Chutney. All good., Tue 18 Dec 2007, 13:42, 6 replies)

In the beginning...
I never thought that eating Genesis could be funny but I nearly choked on my Polo mint when I read that!

[Beclickened]
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 18 Dec 2007, 13:48, closed)

.
All hail JayHay for, unwitting though it may have been, converting the physical pages of the bible into a state more fitting the subject matter.
(misanthrope is so adjective he's verbing nouns!, Tue 18 Dec 2007, 13:53, closed)

Arf
Jon was a minister's son. He said he'd had the bible forced down his throat and hated it, so my punishment was the same...
( BlueHaze Chutney. All good., Tue 18 Dec 2007, 13:54, closed)

Jon
sounds like a cool bloke
(Belgaer is, Tue 18 Dec 2007, 13:56, closed)

Hahahhahahaha
"I have eaten all of Genesis apparently."

Hah hahahahahahah! I don't know why that is hilarious, it just is. First time I've laughed all day. Thanks!

*Clicks*
(BrainSurgerysFun, Tue 18 Dec 2007, 20:34, closed)

I don't like the end of this story.
I think: so we told Rick he's a cunt and gave him a bit of kicking, would be much better.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Tue 18 Dec 2007, 21:18, closed)