My whole life has been spent....
trying to 'fit in'.

When I was in primary school I remember quite clearly not having any friends. Well, except one chap mentioned in a previous post. I desperately wanted friends and seeing all the other boys and girls running around and playing with each other just made my stomach knot up. My friend at the time had a laugh with some other kids but for some reason they didn't like me so couldn't be friends with them. It also meant that when my friend was with them, I couldn't be as they shunned me out of the group. So I think it was at that point in my life that I began trying to please other people by being what I thought they wanted me to be.

I pretended to like football, so played everyday and 'picked' a favourite team. Even asked for a football shirt (liverpool at the time) for a birthday present - which I didn't even want, just to earn some friends. I took part in kiss chase which I saw as pointless (though secretly liked :D ) and did all the other things that kids of that age liked to do but I wasn't so keen on.

This then spilled into secondary school, where unfortunately my eating habits caused me to put on a few pounds so I put on some puppy fat. Cue the bullying. This went on for about 2 years, all during which time I was learning karate and trying to keep fit. This was something I wanted to do that stemmed from the bullying for being overweight. I actually really loved it and went on to become a 2nd dan and also took up jujistu and nunchaku-do but thats another story. Anyway, I digress - one day, I snapped whilst being called 'fatty boom boom' - chased my bully through the play ground and tripped him whilst running. His face hit the ground with such a thud and the blood came out so fast that I didn't even do anything else... I felt bad for him. This actually scored me points with a few people that I a) stood up for myself and b) showed enormous restraint not beating 10 bells of shit out of him.

Again, to maintain an easy life I pretended to like football and played every bloody day. I also, I am ashamed to say, bullied some other people, which I was / am not proud of at all. I remember once I was on the bus going home and this kid got on that I just didn't like. So I just punched him square in the face. For no reason. What a cunt I was - but I still feel I was a product of what my 'friends' made me. No excuse though, I know.

I started smoking whilst at school too - as it was the done thing, and also drank heavily (cider in the park... whilst very underage) - I also dabbled in weed which turned out to be something that took its hold of me for another 10 years or so. Evil stuff.

Eventually school came and went and I got in the workplace. My first real job and the same situation arose again. I didn't quite fit in with the crowd so had to adjust to make friends. The exact same bloody thing happened for a few jobs until I landed the one I have now.

Now, I am myself. I just do my own thing and let my eccentricities just flow out and dont care if people think I am a mentalist. As it happens they seem to respond well to it and actually like me for me. I even met my current partner here (and probable future wife) - all from just being myself.

So, what important life lesson did it take me so long to learn? Trying to be someone or something you are not is plain bollocks, just makes you feel worthless, incompetant and used. Makes you want to curl up and just fade away into non-existance.

Be yourself... there are always people out there that will give you shit, but for the most part - people will take you as you are which makes life a lot easier and enjoyable!

Sorry for the long post that few will be interested in, and sorry for the lack of funnies - just thought a story like this would break the monotony of all the comical stuff.
(Spangulum nailing your mother since 1824, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 16:50, 1 reply)

should have read this before i replied
would have saved me some typing.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 17:21, closed)