Foxybadger's post reminded me of this...

About 10 years ago I bought a guitar. It was fucking brilliant. I did the decent thing and gigged heavily with it, treating it like shit and bashing it about the place shouting ’Rawk!’ at every juncture.

Time went by – the guitar (named Debbie…long story) got evermore battered and eventually had to be replaced by a new one.

I feel I should mention here that this is NOT a pun post…I know I’ve started it like one, but it isn’t..

Debbie went up in the loft and began to gather dust. Recently, upon falling on difficult times I felt that, despite the emotional attachment, the time was right to bung her on Ebay and sell her.

Despite her costing a couple of hundred quid originally, Due to her condition I was expecting to get about £20

I then did a bit of checking on t’interweb and found something intersting – It turns out that Debbie was a limited edition ‘cross-breed’ between Gibson and Epiphone. They only hand made about 100 of these guitars over a one year period.

I put this in the listing. I now expected about £50.

In the listing I was brutally honest. I mentioned that she was old, had been gigged to death, was battered, bashed, had dents, buckle-rash, rust and needed shitloads of work to restore.

When it came to taking the photos – Debbie saved me a swansong. She looked absolutely sensational. Although totally accidental, the lighting, positioning and everything about the photos made Debbie look absolutely stunning.

Again, I did the honest thing. I actually mentioned that the photos were incredibly flattering when I put her on Ebay.

Consequently, some absolute cuntblanket who obviously didn’t read the listing, snapped Debbie up on the strength of the photos alone. He paid £150.

‘Crikey’ I thought.

Because I’m not a biblical simpleton, I immediately had my doubts that the buyer would be happy with his purchase. Nevertheless, I wrapped Debbie up as best I could, said my goodbyes, insured the delivery and sent her on her way to her new owner.

Despite a bit of a Parcelforce delay, he eventually received my beloved ex guitar.

Now I obviously wasn’t there but I can say with a fair amount of certainty what happened next...

The buyer unwrapped Debbie, thought ‘fuck this’, leaned her up against a wall and kicked her until her neck snapped.

He then gazzed me to complain about receiving a damaged item and said he was going to report me to Ebay. He wanted his money back and wasn’t even prepared to pay for Debbie’s return.

Consequently, the ‘false politeness’ emails started to-ing and fro-ing between he & I, going basically like this:

Me (intended): Look you cumsponge, I know what you’ve done…so suck it up and stick with the guitar. Next time, read the fucking listing, twatbasket.
Me (Actual): I’m sorry to hear of your predicament but I can assure you the item was packaged very well. I can promise you sir, the guitar was fine when I sent it.

Him (intended): There’s no way I’m paying that kind of money for that piece of shit – I kicked it in the cunt, you’re having it back and I’m not going to lose a minute’s sleep or one penny over it
Him (Actual): Oh this is a terrible situation and I’m very disappointed to receive this fine instrument damaged.

Me: (Fuck you!) Oh dear…
Him: (Fuck you!) Oh dear…

Etc. Etc. Stalemate.

Then between us we hit on a plan…

Let’s blame poor Parcelforce!

I filled out one piece-of-piss-to-fill-out form, claimed that they must have damaged it in transit and less than two weeks later received £150 compo. I then gave a full refund to wankstain and he returned Debbie to me under orders from Paypal

So everyone did alright…except for Parcelforce of course.

I am going to hang the guitar up on my wall (I was going to say ‘mount her’ but I know what you lot are like) as a reminder to never let anything with sentimental value go again.

However, I must admit, that after stumbling across this ‘result’ I wished I had put more thought into it and wondered what future scams I could use this for…

But all in all, I don’t know what the moral of this story is.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 5 Aug 2008, 11:04, 4 replies)

Oh, I do hope they don't read this
They've managed to lose one or two things on me before, and I've been compensated adequately and without difficulty.

If they catch wind that some claims may be fraudulent.. well, I'll have to jump through more hoops to get my compensation.

That said; I'm very sorry to hear about Debbie. It's a tough way to learn a lesson about sentimental values.
( Thinker, Tue 5 Aug 2008, 11:24, closed)

What is it with eBay vandals?
Reminds me when I sold my old Nokia phone on eBay. It was one of those bulky ones with built in symbian (sp?) technology that let you play old Mega Drive and Game Boy Colour games, as well as download a sat nav, proper internet explorer etc etc. Spent 2 years of my life playing Pokemon Red off that, I did

I flogged it off on eBay for 50 quid, which isn't bad seeing as it had 70 quids worth of programs and roms on it. The little **** who bought it copied all the files over onto his phone (which was the exact same model), took a screwdriver to the back of it and had the cheek to demand a refund after he damaged it beyond repair.

I'm sure there's a moral to our stories. 'Trust nobody' I think...
(FoxyBadger (try saying it backwards), Tue 5 Aug 2008, 11:38, closed)

Ebay.
Some f∪ckwit bought a toy off me on ebay a few weeks ago, I posted it out to him, and a week later got an email saying he hadn't received it yet, could I update him. I replied with the postal info. Then a few days later he'd opened up a dispute on paypal saying I'd not sent the item, and hadn't bothered contacting him etc.. Turns out he hadn't checked the email address he'd wrote to me from (?!?) Anyway in the end I gave him a full refund, a single day later, he'd posted the full amount back to me via paypal saying that it'd been delivered weeks ago and his girlfriend forgot to tell him!

At least he was incredibly honest in the end, gave me my money and left great feedback on ebay, even though a gaykit tw@.

Sorry about the length for a reply!!
(ice9, Tue 5 Aug 2008, 12:07, closed)

After your story FoxyBadger
I think that's probably karma working its magic
(Jugular, Tue 5 Aug 2008, 12:26, closed)