My God
I exist in a world that I know was created by my God, because he said so.

My God doesn't necessarily have all of the powers of a conventional God, he's not omniscient, or omnipresent, but sometimes, I like to think that he's watching over us all.
My God doesn't look like the other Gods either, he's not big and strong like Thor, or old and wise like the mighty Zeus, but he's my God all the same.

So, I decided to write him this story;

One day, as I was strolling through B3taland, the cool breeze flowing around me, I suddenly felt a warm, inviting presence. I knew instantly that God was with me, I could feel it in my heart. I closed my eyes and felt a wave of warmth and happiness go through me, and when I opened them, there he stood, my God.
He smiled at me and held out his hand, I reached out to hold it, and we walked together for some time. We talked about a great many things, and we discussed the parts of the world that he had been most proud of; like everything made by Jollyjack, Mongychops or Dave the Hat, and the things he found more disappointing, like /talk, Home Sweet Home threads on Off Topic, and everything I'd ever posted.

I felt the need to please him, I wanted to make things right, and I stared into his beautiful green eyes, they twinkled at me, and his face lit up with a benevolent smile.
I hadn't realised where we were, and before I knew it, I felt his all-powerful hand shoving me into a darkened alley.
I screamed for help, but no-one came, a few passers-by made lewd comments, while others just stood and watched.

The act itself was incredibly painful, I felt my master's Godly hands, forcing their way into my underwear, and his teeth gnashed at my lips feverishly, while he repeatedly tried to put his tongue into my mouth. I felt sick, alone, weak, and disgusted, I tried to fight him off, but before I knew it, his barbed, rancid penis was filling my mouth. I choked and gasped for air, but the stench was too much for me to bear, and the sight of his fluorescent red pubic hair made me retch and heave.

He turned me over, and entered me violently. Feeling him thrusting into my innermost parts was not the worst thing about the experience. No, the worst thing was the feeling of his cold, pale, clammy skin, pressed right up against mine.

With a grunt and a squirt, Rob was done. I cried and collapsed to the floor, feeling dirty and ashamed, his almighty semen dripping from my bruised anus.
I hated myself as I looked up to see his grinning face, and then he was gone, ascended to the B3ta towers in the sky once more.

...and that's how I was raped by God.

and apologies for the blatant arse-licking in this post.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 11:42, 12 replies)

I know this to be false.
God would not have created Jolly Jack - unless he's a god who likes tedious stories about squirrels with tits and idiots with Weetabix for eyebrows.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 11:45, closed)

I didn't say that God created us.
God created B3ta, we're all just here by some miracle of evolution.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 11:46, closed)

Also
they were just names of Board members I could remember. I don't actually know of anyone over there who is still any good at what they do, or even if Rob, or other members still like them.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 11:49, closed)

I still don't see why he'd be proud of Sequential Farts.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 11:49, closed)

I think it has more to do
with him being a very talented artist, than whether or not he's capable of coming up with a good comic strip. I like his style, and I think there are very few people out there with such cart-istic talent.

I don't know why you're slagging him off, or why I'm defending him. Meh.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 11:53, closed)

He is very good at what he does.
I just find SA to be a bit... well... beige.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 11:56, closed)

I'll agree with you there
but I find it very difficult to care one way or the other.
I haven't read them in a long time, does he still post?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 11:58, closed)

Yeah
I think he had a holiday or something, though.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 12:01, closed)

So, you've got nothing against Mongychops or DtH?
Please feel free to add your opinions about anyone.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 12:02, closed)

Oooh
Just realised this line rhymes

I choked and gasped for air, but the stench was too much for me to bear, and the sight of his fluorescent red pubic hair, made me retch and heave.

How poetic.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 11:56, closed)

Although
you've misspelt 'fluorescent'.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 12:09, closed)

Ooooh!
So I have! It's odd that Captain 'Pedantic-pants' Enzyme didn't point that out.

That'll teach me for typing posts at work.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 12:14, closed)