Christians
A Christian guy once said to a roomful of people, of which I was one, that a good level of Biblical literacy would be a positive thing even among non-Christians.

His reasoning was that as a Christian, one wouldn't have so many ignorant, knee-jerk atheists (as opposed to a reasonable, rational atheist, which I like to class myself as) slagging off their faith using some anecdotal evidence of a mentalist who happened to be religious to condemn the entire movement, totally ignoring the positive benefits.

As an atheist, on the other hand, one would be better equipped to identify the "bad apples", so to speak - the folk who cite a religious motive when talking bollocks and twisting the words of their faith - and counter their arguments with the only language certain idiots understand - that of the Bible.

Now, taking his words to heart, I had a flick through the Bible, and I have to say it really is very funny, especially Leviticus. Did you know you're not allowed to sow your field with more than one type of seed? I guess that must've been a big social ill back in the day. Or that if you make a sacrifice to God, you can eat bits of it on the first day.

That's fine.

Eat it on the second day?

No complaints.

Want some of that yummy sacrifice meat on the third day?

How dare you? Actually how dare you?! HOW FUCKING DARE YOU?! You're fucking done for now, you miserable bastard! I can't believe you. Look what you've done! For this there can be no forgiveness, no respite. I name you beast.

I guess that three day old meat was really causing problems back then too. It makes you wonder just how abominably people were behaving back then.

But the main thing I carried away from the Bible is the knowledge that whenever God says anything He uses "I am the LORD" in the same way you or I would use a full stop or short pause. It gives me something to say upon climax (whether my girlfriend's present or not) which replaces the previous front-runner "I'm Batman".

I'm so damned, but I had a good laugh finding out how and why.

Length? I am the LORD.
(StapMyVitals wouldn't mind a bit of that, Tue 24 Mar 2009, 2:27, 5 replies)

There is a reason for that
Specifically the meat will have gone off and cause food poisoning which was easily fatal in those days. It is the reason for kosher as well.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Tue 24 Mar 2009, 8:37, closed)

I thought the O/P-er was alluding to that fact although I may be mistaken..
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Tue 24 Mar 2009, 11:15, closed)

I should have made that clearer
It was the language surrounding the affair in the (King James) Bible that I found interesting:

"7And if it be eaten at all on the third day, it is abominable; it shall not be accepted.

8Therefore every one that eateth it shall bear his iniquity, because he hath profaned the hallowed thing of the LORD: and that soul shall be cut off from among his people."

-Leviticus 19

...which is as close to saying "you're utterly fucked. I am the LORD." as anything. I mean, the poor bastard will probably already be shitting their guts out, it's not like they need to be cast out of their people. That's just a kick in the teeth.

Now I think about it, it's not so much amusing as unfair. Just like the whole book's attitude towards women.
(StapMyVitals wouldn't mind a bit of that, Tue 24 Mar 2009, 12:41, closed)

Yet another example
of where the bible-ers take a common practice and twists it for their own ends.
This would have been done anyway, but write it down and say "god said it" and you're onto a winner.
cf Pork.

ps - The lady is going to get some "I am the LORD" later.
I shall post results.
(tweebianmonkey Should be known as Widget, Tue 24 Mar 2009, 12:51, closed)

From the book of Ezekiel in the jerusalem bible
"BIG MEMBERED AS DONKEYS, EJACULATING AS VIOLENTLY AS STALLIONS" Ch 23 v 20

Length? But I repeat myself.
(all my scars face forward possesses 2.5% of a hyperalloy combat chassis, Tue 24 Mar 2009, 13:55, closed)