It's what God wanted, I think
I was very, very religious as a young man at university. That meant I missed out on most of the stuff that young'uns take for granted as part of college life (girls, drinking, bacon etc). Don't get me wrong, I'm not fishing for pity: I thoroughly enjoyed my college days, and although I'm keen on a drop or two of the good stuff these days, I don't regret not drinking back in the day- the joy of religion made up for the lack of student hijinx. I was happy, in a celibate, sober kind of way.

Looking back, though, I can't help but think that, had I not been religious, the following story would have ended a good deal more satisfactorily.

I was at a fancy dress party, sipping a glass of lemonade, chatting to various people. I somehow ended up in conversation with a pretty young French lady. Previously I had suggested to my friends that we could watch a DVD at my room if the party was boring, so I invited mademoiselle to join us. She eagerly agreed, and my friends, on hearing this, told me they would catch us up later. I honestly had no idea why they were smiling and winking at each other.

So mademoiselle and I traipsed back to my room. On the way she slipped her arm into mine. As a good muslim I felt a little discomfited at that, but thought it was the right thing to do to support a young lady who might have simply been tired after an evening on her feet. It didn't even occur to me to interpret it any other way.

When we arrived at my room, I sat her on the sofa and announced that "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable." I discreetly got changed behind my cupboard door. Into a big fleece I normally wore while rowing on the river, and a pair of old, loose corduroys. She elevated one of her perfect Gallic eyebrows but said nothing.

I was waiting for my friends to join us for the DVD, so struggled to think of something we could talk about in the meantime. Thankfully she spared me too much effort by pointing out a Calvin and Hobbes book on my shelf and squealing delightedly that she loved them. I curled up carefully on the sofa next to her (carefully because I did not want to make bodily contact) and showed her some of my favourite strips. She smiled at my enthusiasm.

Twenty minutes passed and my friends did not arrive. I suggested we start the DVD without them, and she murmured "I 'ave a better idea" and she kissed me. The first kiss I had ever received in my life. I turned my head just before her lips made contact, and she only got my cheek.

At this point I scrambled away from her and took stock of the situation. I had chatted with a lovely girl at a party, walked home arm in arm with her, announced to her that I was slipping into something a bit more comfortable and then spent a good while on a sofa with her enjoying our mutual enjoyment of a comic book. In other words, I had utterly inadvertently done everything right to seduce her. And I felt awful about it.

I blurted out to her "I'm sorry, but you really should know that this is nothing to do with you. It's me. I'm religious." Her look of indignation softened and she said, "You know, I'm Catholic. I understand." She smiled, then left forever.
(I grew it myself, Wed 25 Mar 2009, 15:37, 5 replies)

I'm clicking this
Because French girls are saucy. Hairier armpits the better!!!!
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Wed 25 Mar 2009, 15:46, closed)

nice story
rather touching, and not in the "show us where on the teddy bear" kind of way.

and because it has a saucy french girl in it, as my worthy colleague above says.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 25 Mar 2009, 15:47, closed)

and I am clicking your reply
as it is fucking funny.

And thus the circle of life is complete.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Mar 2009, 16:01, closed)

I'm clicking too
cos I "liked this".
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Wed 25 Mar 2009, 17:28, closed)

I'm clicking as well
because I don't want to feel left out.
(Barry Chuckle's Moustache, Wed 25 Mar 2009, 21:14, closed)