I am currently employed by a stationary company as a travelling salesman.
Life on the road can be boring at the best of times and downright lonely at worst, so some of my guilty pleasures are...

1. Leaving until right at the last minute before moving from Lane 3 on the motorway to the sliproad, carving up 2 lanes of angry motorists in the process. If I've ever done it to you, you're right, I knew the junction was coming up, but I just have to be in front, ok?

2. Ejaculating all over the sheets in a travelodge and sticking them together. I could go out and get a woman, but I'd probably only have enough cash for a handjob, anyway.

3. Talking loudly on my mobile phone, absolutely anywhere. If I can add the words "Fuck" or "Cunt" especially when children are within earshot so much the better.

4. Bullying slower motorists out of the way. There's nothing quite like seeing their outraged faces as I speed by lauging and probably talking on my mobile phone.

5. Thinking I can 'have' any woman, despite being a gangly wraith of a human being with more grease in my hair than is in the gearbox of my company BMW 1 series.

6. Calling people I've just met "Mate", or "Bruv". I'm like a cheeky, chirpy cock-er-nee barrowboy, me.

7. At weekends, behaving like a wigger. Wearing baggy street wear which still makes me look like a sack of shit tied in the middle, and walking as though I am clasping a parsnip between my buttocks.
(Vic Flange, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 13:13, 4 replies)

Well quite
Whatever did happen to Gareth Cheeseman?
(rockdoctor, Thu 13 Mar 2008, 13:20, closed)

"Right.
"Time for a good wank."
( monkeybananaraffle, Fri 14 Mar 2008, 0:13, closed)

...
I like the tension of being a travelling salesman for a stationary company...
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 14 Mar 2008, 11:06, closed)

^yes
and imagine being a stationary salesman for a travelling company
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 14 Mar 2008, 11:20, closed)