Just moved into a University owned flat
So I don't know the guy I'm sharing with, but two weeks ago I'm woken up by moving in the flat. A rather, um, husky looking middle aged couple are in my flat. Of course instead of trying to stab the intruders I assume they are helping said flat mate move in. Flat mate appears, says nothing and sits down with his laptop and mummy dearest gets him a drink and a sandwich. His dad then proceeds to paint all the fucking walls in the bloody flat, whilst his mum shampoo's the carpet and washes the Kitchen ceiling to floor. They rip down all the posters in the living room, the shelves, which I had stuff on, without so much as asking if I minded. I wouldn't have, had they asked but now I feel the need to put up some shelves.
Now it appears that in the time that I had spent in their company that the son is a touch on the over protected side, his mother spoke to me on his behalf, offering to cover his part of the bills and so forth. She is pleasent enough but something about her just annoys me. She tells me everything she has planned for her boy, how her other son is doing and general small talk. It is very obvious she is hating the fact that her son is moving out again.
Anyhoo, spoiled Son who is in his 3rd year (I could almost accept this if it was their young 18 year old never left the house son, not their 20 something been at uni for 2 years son) tells me that he is off back home with mummy and daddy and will see me some time in the coming month.

I go out and get famously drunk, am charming as I always am, make new friends, get some food and escort one of my new friends back to my place.
Having had the place cleaned out by Hyacinth Bucket, they've chucked out the bin and forgot to put a new bin liner in. Being a tad on the drunken side I had to dispose of some french letters, I drop them in the bin, realise it's not got a bag and think "Sod it I'll get them in the morning".
Sure enough we are woken the following day by hoovering, "Que est le fuck?" thinks I, he said he wasn't going to be back for a week or two.
I go out half dressed to see what's going on. Mummy and daddy are back. Mummy gives me a look whilst daddy refuses to make eye contact, I offer them a drink of tea or coffee, they decline. I go into the Kitchen to find a new bucket and no sign of the old one.
Result, now all I got to do is put my used johnnys on the fat bugger
and hopefully they'll get me a new flat mate.

Sorry about the length, my friend didn't seem to mind though, she even came back for seconds.
( Laird Dave Draws Now charges to take off his clothes., Fri 11 Sep 2009, 0:48, Reply)