I should be going to hell...
because of an idea I've had for a show.

Inspired by a drunken evening down the pub, where we were discussing Jerry Spring the Opera, the general amount of piffling shite that seems to make up the greater part of west end musicals at the moment, and the need for more offensive material in musicals (well, Andrew Lloyd-Webber music is pretty offensive, but we were talking more about plots etc).

Anyway, we came up with an idea for a musical revue, using the songs of Gilbert & Sullivan. Partly because they're nice, recognisable tunes, but mostly because they're out of copyright. We wanted to make it controversial, simply to try and stop the tide of inoffensive, unremarkable crap that is overtaking theatres. And what's one of the most controversial subjects you can use for a comedy musical revuew? That's right: the Holocaust!

So turning songs from "A policeman's lot is not a happy one (happy one)" into "A Nazi's lot is not a happy one...". "A Wandering Minstrel I" becomes "A Camp Commander I". "What a Wonderful Thing it is to be a Pirate King" has 'Commondante' instead of 'Pirate King'.
Worst of all: the Major General's song from "Pirates of Penzance" (most famously known as the tune to Ton Lehrer's "Elements Song") becomes the "List Song": replacing the original words/names of the elements with the names of all the people Schindler saved...

This has only ever been discussed in the pub with friends and so is very much a thought only (we've not even written anything down), and yet we've mapped out entire songs, a plot, and discussed how to try and raise money to take the show to the Edinburgh Fringe. I've spoken with a few friends (one Jewish) about whether they would be offended by it, and the general consensus has been: "you're so going to hell. But do it!". The Jew is a b3tan and eats sausages, so I'm not sure whether she's the right person to consult anyway... But yes, I think simply because I'm considering this to be in any way a realistic possibility of a show, I'm hell-bound.

EDIT: Apeloverage has just won the internet, with his post: www.b3ta.com/questions/hell/post329043
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:46, 21 replies)

But Nazis are funny!
Mel Brooks has made a career out of making Hitler amusing, even managing to include Nazis in a Western. No prizes for guessing Mel Brooks's religious affiliation...

My heritage is mostly German, which makes ironic goose-stepping humour even funnier in my book.

Raus!
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:51, closed)

Yes, and I love Mel Brooks stuff!
Well, most stuff before "Robin Hood: Men in Tights". He lost his mojo with that.

However: Mel Brooks has the advantage of:
(a) He's a genius. He takes a controversial subject and makes the Nazis objects of derision.

(b) He's Jewish, and is therefore less likely (than a CofE girl with no known Holocaust victims in her family) to attract flak for writing something that could end up offending a lot of people.

(c) He handles stuff sensitively, although humorously. I'm not a sensitive person. At all.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:00, closed)

The Nazis didn't just persecute Jews
They also went for Romany Gypsies, the mentally ill - even down to people suffering from severe depression were gassed, Poles, Czechs, Slavs, Negroes, the disabled, communists, etc. Excuse the use of archaic terms, but how else does one explain the lunacy of it all?

There is something for everyone.

My own (now tenuous) German side of the family were turfed out of their country home which was then turned into the HQ of the local Gestapo.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:04, closed)

oh yes.
I do know all about that. I think when I saw "Jews" I mean "everyone affected" - I just tend (as I think many people do) to just group all victims under the banner of "jews", to save typing out the (huge) list of people that were persecuted.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:11, closed)

Its already been done
in The Producers - Springtime for Hitler. Nazis are comedy gold.
(nonstopdancer, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:02, closed)

I do like the idea of Gilbert & Sullivan Nazi-musicals
It has potential.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:06, closed)

Yup. It's sheer genius.
And THe Producers is so hard to live up to: that's why I think this would never go beyond the "ideas" stage.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:12, closed)

Why am I now...
...attempting to rewrite "A British Tar" in my head to something suitably camply Nazi?

Damn you Empress.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:14, closed)

My greatest regret
Is that I'm too tall to play Hitler in this :(
( Cawl, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:06, closed)

oo, oo, I've got one!
I am the very model
of a left-wing intellectual
I'm Jewish and a communist and also homosexual
I fight for every evil and un-German ideology
Like Bolshevism, anarchy and Freudian psychology!

I'm decadent, undisciplined, and not authoritarian
I don't believe the Japanese are altogether Aryan...
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:16, closed)

Genius!
Nicely done Ape.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:17, closed)

YES!

( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:18, closed)

You win
everything, ever.

Brilliant!
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:22, closed)

You, Sir,
Are excellent!
( Cawl, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:33, closed)

Inspired.
Truly inspired.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:36, closed)

Gilbert and Sullivan
Genius! I'd pay to see it on stage.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:39, closed)

OK, this is encouraging.
Given that no-one has (yet) said "yeah, I can see why you'd go to hell for that", (in fact all replies are quite encouraging, but then, this is b3ta, home of the depraved), I might put pen to paper over Christmas.

EDIT: my parents (who introducted me to G+S at a very young age) have every single G+S opera score, so it'll make it a lot easier.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 12:00, closed)

The idea is full of win.
Good luck!
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 17 Dec 2008, 10:01, closed)

Go for it!
Even if you don't get the chance to perform it, at least write it down.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 22:00, closed)

Dear, dear Bob,
You’d better put up the firework umbrellas, as I’m about to piss all over them.

I loved Apeloverage’s effort; not just very clever and exactly in the tradition of G&S, but totally inoffensive to all - and I’m Jewish by the way. Just where this gem would feature in your operetta is a little unclear to me, I won’t go on about it, because this is b3ta and anything goes, and I seriously think you’d be laughed out of hell if you tried to get in on the back of this idea dreamt up in the pub, but please - for the love of my severed kosher foreskin - please leave this in the pub where it belongs.

Feel free to flame away - my family escaped the ovens by living in the UK, so you can’t hurt me now.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Wed 17 Dec 2008, 10:26, closed)

I wouldn't flame you!
Yes, Apeloverage's lyrics are truly inspired (especially as he thought them up in about 10 minutes, the clever git). As I've said, this has never got beyond pub-based discussion, and thinking up alternative lyrics that would fit to G+S tunes. Honestly, I don't think I'd ever really get round to doing it, however much my (sick-minded) friends (and b3ta acquaintances) encouraged me, it's all just in my head. Still, there are various things sitting in my head that could condemn me to hell, not just this!
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Wed 17 Dec 2008, 15:42, closed)