I hurt my rude bitsSpent all day with a sore bum, went to the loo to check it out and found blood in my pants. Not good. Piles? Checked in the shower and pulled a staple from my arse. Serves me right for leaving an old pencil case in my underwear drawer. BTW: On relating this story to a friend they said, "some people will do anything for a prick up their bottom."
(
rob, Thu 13 Jul 2006, 22:00)
« Go Back
Bright red peelerMy ex-missus was a charming lady but when it came to the old one-two she didn't get very slippy slidy downstairs. We had the option of soldiering on gamely or resorting to exostic lubricants to make things go nicely.
One summer night, we found ourselves somewhat shy of K-Y (due to me drunkenly stepping on the tube the night before) so we cast about for alternatives.
Being young and bloody stupid, we desperately settle on hair conditioner. It did the job a treat and we set to it with a vengeance.
In my defence, it was late and very warm plus I HAD been drinking. So, after doing the do, I passed out with the sense of a job well done.
The next morning, I awoke to find what happens if you leave conditioner on your little general. It had enflamed and swollen to a massive 4"! Over the next few days, the pain and swelling subsided and the skin charmingly flaked away.
For some reason, she refused to touch the poor wee thing until it was all better, which took AGES. Cow.
(, Mon 17 Jul 2006, 12:41, Reply)
« Go Back