The pain.
Let me set the scene.

It's Friday night, I've had a hard week at work and I'm out at my local with my girlfriend of the time with the intention of enjoying myself and arriving home some time late Saturday morning.

Things were looking up, especially as there was a new waitress who was fine fine fine eye candy.

Anyway the night progressed, games of pool were lost and won and my karaoke rocked as usual. As I got drunker and drunker I of course got more and more flirty with the new waitress. As Dee- my girlfiend- got drunker and drunker she gave me more and more grief for flirting with the waitress.

Things came to a head with me turning to Dee and almost shouting 'Look , I've done nothing wrong, I haven't fucked her, and I'm not going to. We're just talking and you're pissing me off. Now shut the fuck up or fuck off, I don't care which.' This seemed to do the trick, Dee chilled and apologised, while all the males at the table looked at me with a new found respect, and the girls all pissed off to the toilet to no doubt discuss what a cunt I am.

The night continued and all was well, yet as the 2nd bottle of whiskey was emptied, and the 3rd ordered, I saw that wankered glaze in Dee's eyes and knew things were going to kick off. And kick off they did. A blazing row about my imagined infidelities ensued with the result of Dee being helped to one of the rooms upstairs to sleep it off, while I sat in the bar seething, my night ruined.

Of course a plan to redeem the night soon formed in my drink addled mind, which was to fuck the waitress of course, I was in the old if you're going to get the shit for it you may as well do it frame of mind.

It hit 3 'o clock, my local was closing and I made my move, asking said waitress if she wanted to move on for drinks and fun.

We did, and about four hours later I found myself making a sandwich filling of the waitress, with my twin piece of bread being a toilet wall.

And jolly fun it was as well, right up to the point the karma kicked in. Being drunk I couldn't come, and being very unfit indeed my heart was telling me things were getting a bit much for it, so I suggested a change of game plan, namely I'll sit on the toilet and you can sit astride me and ride me like a rodeo bull.

All was well once more, until, slap slap slap slap scwelch pop AAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH, oh dear God, AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH.

The problem being I'd slipped out and the young lady of the moment had come down hard on me and broken my cock.

I can't really explain how bad this was. Just trust me it was bad.

And things got worse. The final karmic score for being a bit of a cunt, then cheating.

One broken cock.

One bill of £600 for the operation to fix it. 100% successful thank fuck.

One week of hell from the missus.

Two months with no sex.

One month of my missus going out on the pull- she did last a month I'll give her that- because she wasn't getting any from me.

And the final insult to injury: 100 boiled eggs I was forced by the girlfriend to take to the temple as a thank you for my cock mending. Fucking Karma.

Insert change of length joke here.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 2:27, 7 replies)

What the fuck?
"In Iran the common cause is physical manipulation to remove an erection" fuck me... That's wrong..
(Belgaer is, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 10:28, closed)

I don't want to berrate you
But it seems like karma has been perfectly balanced here.

What amused me though was the comment on the wiki page:
" In Iran the common cause is physical manipulation of the penis to remove an erection."

Which prompts the quote "If it ain't broke, don't fix it!"
(joepublic 's opinion does not represent that of the public, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 10:30, closed)

...
and thus, the whirligig of time brings its revenges!
(Roopy all is not what it seams, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 11:56, closed)

Where on earth...
... can you get a cock saving operation for £600?

Did the surgeon use Netto vodka sterilisation and a Poundland craft knife?
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 12:13, closed)

£600
the cost of a couple of lollipop stick splints, a bandage, some paracetamol and the surgeons "appearance" fee. lol.
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 17:28, closed)

Whoa!
Didnt even realise that was possible... *wince*
(Pointless as a chavs bathroom, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 17:29, closed)

£600
Bangkok Christian Hospital.

Mission hospital is good as well. Infected cyst removed from throat £100. Winner.

Edit: It's all relative I suppose. The bill was 37,643 baht, that's about 6 months wages for a construction worker, or 2 years for a waitress, or 2 months for someone in finance or 1 month for an English teacher: me.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Wed 27 Feb 2008, 0:29, closed)