No apologies for length coz I'm a whore like that.
In Cheshunt, Herts, a tres boring town...

I live in the middle of two nutjob houses. And the special bus comes every day and takes them away, and delivers them back again. Odd sounds coming from both sides. One one side, there is:

-1 x hugely obese 28 year old who still thinks she's 5. This woman is close to 30 stone I believe, and by God she's scary. She constantly dresses in short silk/lace nightgown thingies, and will frequently run out of the house at the best speed she can for something that resembles fourteen white elephants, and promptly lays down in the playground of the local primary school.
-1 x 17 year old girl, skinny as fuck, who likes to hang out with 5 year old girls and teach them all she can about lesbianism.
-1 x 40 year old slapper who dresses in leaopard skin and spends all her time over the pub. Normal, yes, but still deranged.
-1 x stuffed corpse in a wheelchair. Her 'beloved' father.

To make it worse, this group always leave their doors wiiiiiiiide open for all and sundry to see.

On the other side, there's an oddly thin woman who spends all day and night in her van outside as far as I can tell. Not doing anything, just staring at the sky and occasionally grinning widely. She lives with her husband (who I'm pretty sure beats her) who keeps a wide variety of birds and bees and tries to force them to breed together.

And I live smack bang between them both. There's always an ambulance/police/fire/special vehicle outside, and it serves for great amusement.

At my stables, there's a loud, scary scottish bloke with hair shaved off and ripped out in tufts and patches, coke-bottle glasses and a habit of spitting verywhere and blinking too much. He wanders around aimlessly, talking to himself and will occasionaly get very irate (with himself, obviously) and I've had to rescue himself from the other 'self' which was a pitchfork wielding maniac as he tried to batter himself round the head or stab his own abdomen with it on more than one occasion! Nic eneough guy though.

Have been told that there's a batty old lady down a friend's street whom, like Micheal above, argues with herself and subtly tries to spy on the neighbours. About as subtly as a whale humping a Jack Russel.

....And there goes my posting virginity.
(mercary, Sun 19 Sep 2004, 16:23, Reply)