Crisps on my car!
Used to play football on a saturday back in the day, went round to my mates at 10 (see falling off roof story) for saveloy sarnies. Then up to astroturf (see knee destroying, glass covered "grass") to play wembly singles/doubles and penalty shootouts. Great Times.

One time we got back to the end of my street (cul-de-sac) and ending up chatting shit to 2 of my mates for a while, discussing nothing in particular, bothering no-one when along the street a figure appeared from his driveway, Les - a nobheaded (not literally unfortunately) who lived across the road to me.

Now Les was around 60+ and spent his days gardeing/shouting at kids passing his house. So he was wearing a pair of beige(i think) cords tucked into his thick socks (bit like golfers/charvs). So I shouted "nice socks" cos he was a wanker. He disappeared from view. We chortled at my cheek and continued to crack on.

After leering into view a few times he started to approach, and greeted us with "the police are on their way". To which we responded first with mild fear, then utter bafflement. Les must have noticed our looks as he followed up with "and ive got CCTV proving it was you so they'll be getting that when they get here". We moved from confused to amused.

"what did we do like?" perused my chum, "and why dont you show us the CCTV of us doing it". Les ignored our plea and trotted off smug in the knowledge we'd soon be sentenced to 30 years in a maximum security prison.

We decided to hang around a lot longer than originally planned (was only meant to be a roundup before saying see ya) to see how this panned out for us. After appearing a few more times he came along again saying we'd best move before the fuzz arrived. We asked again and he came out with "I saw you putting crisps on my car!"

Now we had already found the ordeal funny at the sheer insanity, but this sent us over the edge! we laughed our little bollocks off, much to his stupid sock wearing fury!! He stormed off SS-stlye no doubt to smack his wife around a bit and cuddle his CCTV tape, waiting for the flith to take these evil bastards away for besmirching his name and crumbing up his poor car.


After a handcuffless hour, no justice sticks were being administered to our heads so we asked a few of the young girls who had been playing in the street to investigate who were the crisp fiends.

Turns out one of the little ginger twins (age approx 9) in the street had hurled a handful of quavers at Les's drive in protest of him shouting at them for their ball going on there. Now Les's eyesight may not have been too good but surely 2 ginger minors dont look much like 3 6ft 16 year olds. So we waited there all night taunting him to turn the CCTV over to the police, even offering to ring them ourselves to give ourselves up. He was practically pissing himself with rage by the time we called it a day :-)


He really was a prize winning fucknut, we took revenge by taking a job posting leaflets and sandwiching a "big eat" stlye bag of quavers in amongst several dozen leaflets and posting them through his letterbox.

Length, I could see ankle all the way to mid shin.......
(Monkeystrumpet monkey. Monkey, MONKEY!!!, Wed 7 Oct 2009, 10:22, 3 replies)

I clicked
But it was purely by accident; did anyone else only really see a group a teenagers mocking and taunting a senile old man?
( Rookie You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel, Wed 7 Oct 2009, 15:28, closed)

Yes
Yes I did.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 7 Oct 2009, 15:40, closed)

false
do you work for the Daily Mail?! we werent a bunch of yobbo's terrorising a war veteran. at 16 were you such a morally upright ponce? we took a rare chance to rip piss out of an arse who had been a royal cunt to me for years. i stand by our small victory with a big smile and a flag!

and he certainly wasnt senile, he was just a wanker.

incidentally when he heard i'd joined the merchant navy he got really nice and even loaned me a book about big ships.....
(Monkeystrumpet monkey. Monkey, MONKEY!!!, Thu 8 Oct 2009, 9:30, closed)