my mum, via email
My mum shows me how much she loves me by sending me heartwarming email circulars like "FWD: Stress Reliever!", "FWD: Who packed your parachute?", "FWD: Deodorant gives you breast cancer", "FWD: ATM-PIN number reversal - keep safe!" and the seldom seen "FWD: Fwd: Fwd: Funny Tommy Cooper jokes".

I show my love by replying with the words "Dear mammy, FOR FUCK'S SAKE STOP SENDING ME THIS SHITE, I TOLD YOU - I'VE BEEN ONLINE SINCE 1994 AND HAVE SEEN IT ALL BEFORE AND IT WASN'T FUNNY THE FIRST TIME. ALSO PLEASE USE SNOPES OR AT LEAST A BIT OF COMMON SENSE. OH, AND THIS IS AN EXAMPLE OF HOW TO CORRECTLY USE CAPITAL LETTERS IN AN EMAIL. IT DENOTES SHOUTING. Love CHCB xx"
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 10:21, 8 replies)

Watch out
for people driving around with their headlights switched off. If you flash them, they'll chase you and shoot you. It's part of a gang initiation.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:00, closed)

KFC
aren't allowed to call themselves Kentucky Fried Chicken any more, just KFC. This is because the meat they sell is technically not chicken in the conventional sense, but a hideously mutated lump of meat with no brain or any organs other than those required to add more "meat" to its grotesque bulk.

True story.
(Stu Moo winner of five nobble piece prizes, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:18, closed)

Locked yourself out of your car?
Just get someone to press the unlock button down the phone, while holding your phone towards the car. It'll work. Honest.
(09824739yhsidfhshfgq8weeq3e1, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:02, closed)

Oooh this is lovely. My mum's a bit similar,
so I've gone from a courtesy lol to 'this stuff isn't even funny and I don't want it'. Haven't reached your shouty heights yet though.
(Stu Moo winner of five nobble piece prizes, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:15, closed)

Sister
My sister does this as well but I really haven't the heart to tell her to stop. It took her a long time to get used to emails and using the Internet and, since losing her husband earlier this year, she is understandably a bit fragile.
(BearWithLittleBrain, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:25, closed)

THIS
IS WHY YOU HAVEN'T BEEN ANSWERING MY EMAILS ISN'T IT?

VINCENT SIMBA.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 11:30, closed)

My dad does this too
It's my absolute dream in life to create a cracking image for b3ta that gets taken up by someone like nuts, goes viral and gets emailed back to me by my dad. I will then be happy to write back 'I know it's funny - I fucking made it!'

Obviously it's not going to happen, because my talent and hummus are both nonexistant.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 3 Oct 2008, 12:21, closed)

Aarrgghhh
My friends who have joined Facebook send me them all the time, I got them at work ten years ago ..
My friends are lovely the rest of the time..so I put up with it, whilst thinking murderous thoughts about the person that started it.. and refer the more cultured ones here..
(Beer Elf Thought this was like a campfire, anyhow, on, Fri 3 Oct 2008, 13:36, closed)