Sin-derella?
During my teenage years, the regularity with which I did not lose my Virginity was close to becoming the stuff of legend… Especially considering that I was studying a very liberal Performing Arts course, where there were my fair share of Unisex changing rooms and creative girls whom I could impress with my “soft, caring and artistic side”.

But eventually, the ‘big day’ (or so I thought, anyway) came. I was just finishing a run as “Sergeant Spring” in the Pantomime of Cinderella (I will NEVER do Panto again. It was 3 months of trying to avoid having my rectum breached by a huge, sweaty and ugly (the irony!) ugly sister. Coupled with lots of make-up, crap double entendre and endless hordes of Children screaming “He’s behind you!” (if only they knew…) – it was hell. But I digress.) – and it was the after show party. Somehow, I’d managed to lock lips with the actress who was playing Cinders. After a while, she led me upstairs to a room, where Zips unzipped, Bras unhinged, Boxers duly removed. In my semi-drunken state, I’m calmly thinking “this is IT! I’m going to DO IT – with Cinder-fucking-ella!”

Things are licked that erstwhile had never been licked. Things were touched that erstwhile I had never touched. Things were ground together that had never before been ground together.

Finally, the moment came. I produced a prophylactic as if from nowhere, and with minimal fumbling, managed to apply it to the desired area. Deep breath…

And just as I’m finally about to do the one thing I had spent my entire life from the age of 13 trying to do, hearing her soft breath against my neck, feeling my heart beat in my chest, touching everything I had ever wanted to touch, I hear:

“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING IN MY WALK-IN WARDROBE??”

Which, it has to be said, kind of killed the moment.

Length? She never found out. *sigh*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 1 Nov 2006, 10:42, Reply)