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This is a question Ouch!

A friend was once given a biopsy by a sleep-deprived junior doctor.
They needed a sample of his colon, so inserted the long bendy jaws-on-the-end thingy, located the suspect area and... he shot through the ceiling. Doctor had forgotten to administer any anaesthetic.

What was your ouchiest moment?

(, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 17:29)
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Airbags HURT!!!!
I've been pretty lucky when it comes to driving, having only had a couple of small prangs in over 25 years with no real ouchies at all. This all changed two years ago....

I was minding my own business driving down the A49 in Warrington (Winwick Road for those who know the area). No this road goes past Warrington College and on the day in question, I was driving past at kicking out time at a steady 40mph (ish) when I was distracted by the rather pert cheeks on a young student wandering along the pavement on my side of the road. When I say distracted, what I actually meant was I craned my neck in the style of a barn owl, all the better to have a look at the front of the vision in tiny shorts.

My curiosity satisfied, I turned to face in the direction on travel only to see the back of a shiny new Astra looming... I had about half a oneosecond to react and turned the wheel through about a quarter of a turn to avoid the car.

Now airbags are designed to protect the head and torso in the event of a crash. In the event, my arms which would have been in the perfect position for the airbag to inflate between them and give me a lovely kiss and save my life were crossed over the wheel. My left forearm was clean broken and my wrist smacked me dead centre on the forehead knocking me out cold.

Now most of this happened in a tiny fraction of a second - the ouchie came when I came to, and used my broken arm to undo the seatbelt. I never knew how shiny bones were when they are poking through the skin and I always thought bone marrow was dark and tasty like it is in a lamb chop and not red and gooey.....

I passed out again and waited patiently for the ambulance.
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:57, closed)
For passed out again and waited patiently
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 15:59, closed)

(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 16:26, closed)
I drive an ambulance...
...and can expertly confirm that passed out people always wait patiently.
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 18:12, closed)
so your story is
"i was driving without due care and attention, and was basically a twat who got what he deserved" ?
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 16:04, closed)
And I was charged with driving without due care and attention and went on a driver improvement course (which was excellent).

At no point did I say what I did was a good thing....

You of course must be perfect in every way and will never have been distracted at any time or made any mistakes throughout your life.

Edit: Sorry, my mistake, you were in fact a cunt to your younger brother. Did you go on a sibling care improvement course?
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 16:23, closed)
an excellent comeback too! *applauds*
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 16:31, closed)
great story, great comeback
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 16:33, closed)
This ^, and this ^^
Hahahahahaha!!!!! Well done sir
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 16:47, closed)
For such an insufferable pedant...
Zenmeban's posts display an alarming lack of punctuation and capitalisation.....

I really can't be doing with people who main reason for posting answers on the board seems to be to criticise them! Maybe it's just me.....
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 17:10, closed)
An alternative spelling perhaps ?

A lass I used to live with has been in a very similar situation.
Albeit from the position of the pert cheeked distraction.

Poor thing was dreadfully embarrassed.
Worse the driver didn't even ask for her phone number...
(, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 18:57, closed)

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