Oddly Lyrical...
I was hopeless at PE. Utterly hopeless. Well, apart from swimming. I can swim like a fish, and could then, but anything running-related basically made me look like a coffee-flavoured jelly in a blender. Only uglier. And then there's football. It can't be hard. You need a foot and a ball. Well, I've got basically no physical co-ordination at all.

Me and sports basically didn't mix. So, during football, I'd just try to stay out of the way until the game was over, hoping that the kids who were actually some good at this could sort it for me. I got away with it until one year my PE school report said "purplegod reminds me of Cinderella, in that he's always running away from the ball".

This remained my personal best, until the year I was caught skiving during cricket practice. That PE teacher grabbed me by a body part and dragged me over to the cricket nets. He explained though the medium of hysterical screamage what he wanted me to do, and handed me a cricket ball. I lined up, aimed, and bowled. I didn't actually injure myself, so I thought it had gone OK. Sadly, everyone else disagreed, including the lad I hit unexpectedly. I'd accidentally twatted the kid in the next net to the one I was aiming at. I'd never seen a PE teacher speechless before. In the end, he turned to me and sagged a little. It was like it was his puppy I'd just brained. He looked sadly in my direction, and said "As you were, purplegod." Then he added, "You know, purplegod, I don't believe what I've just seen. You're not just *bad*, you're a bloody disgrace to the entire game of cricket".

It's all been downhill since.
(purplegod counting down for Christmas!, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 22:27, Reply)