Bulgarians, violas and Scrabble
Back in the days before the electronic umbilical, I placed a newspaper ad - mate's girlfriend worked in the classified section, so it was free. Three totally varied replies:

First, the gorgeous Bulgarian who wanted a marriage of financially-supported convenience. As I was mortgaged up to the eyeballs, and had a scary overdraft, that wasn't going to work, tempting as the offer of a night in a hotel with her and her best mate seemed at the time.

Next, the music student with impressive frontage. All was going well, met her parents, went to a family wedding, watched her playing her viola while naked in the pool - the usual "we might have a future" stuff. Got home from work one day to find a note explaining that it wasn't going to work - her parents thought I was a bit common. Not too upset about that - after all, she was German.

Final one - over a year later, the phone rings at midnight on a Saturday. She's in a psychiatric hospital (as a voluntary patient), and wants to see me the next day. Not a problem - this might be fun. When I get there (with the obligatory bunch of petrol station flowers), she's in a flowing white dress (not quite wedding, but...) - we sit in the car for a while, chatting, holding hands - then she says those magic words "I want you - now". It is possible in the front seat of a Mk 2 Astra, but I've had more comfortable experiences. Not sure if it was guilt or the sudden "what the fuck are we doing making the beast with two backs in a mental hospital car park?" thing, but she thanked me, and ran back to her room. Saw her a few times after, but we sat in the visitors' lounge playing Scrabble - intellectually more challenging, but somehow less exciting...
(CaptainParalytic, Fri 14 Sep 2007, 16:02, Reply)