Rabbit sabotage
Rabbits. I know they're cute looking in a dopey, fluffy tailed and twitchy nose sort of a way but they're evil little fuckers. All of them.

Ex Mrs PJM kept a Netherland Dwarf rabbit called Clover in the house, which at nine years old was six years older than his life expectancy. He was a grumpy bastard, the only thing he actually liked were cats, which he'd follow round the house (Yep, he liked Leonard and Leonard was fond of him). The little bastard would try and take your hand off if you went near his food for whatever reason and would kick his soiled bedding at you when he wanted his hutch cleaning. Nice.

Ex-Mrs PJM then bought two more bunnies when Clover finally popped his clogs, which wasted no time at all in ruining my new spare room carpet and chewing through cables. Thanks to ex-Mrs PJM not spotting the bunny-tackle on one of them ("I'm sure I bought two girls, honest!") we caught them mid-bonk and decided that neutering was the answer, however for some unfathomable and totally irrational reason my crazed ex decided that BOTH bunnies should be neutered. £275 later, job done. Personally, I'd have their necks wrung but that wasn't an option at the time.

I've saved the best bunny story until last. I had been seeing a young lady for a while and was invited back to her place for coffee. On the way I was warned that she was rabbit-sitting a friends bunny which had been fully housetrained and was very friendly. I was duly introduced to the little Wabbit who seemed to enjoy being fussed and petted. He lept up onto my lap a couple of times and started nuzzling me to make a fuss of him and I began to feel years of bunny prejudice falling away as my heart began to melt for the furry little guy. He really could be a cute and friendly bunny after all....

However, I had other matters to attend to.

I moved a little closer to the lady on the sofa, gently put my hand round the back of her head and pulled her towards me for a kiss. I could feel her pulse racing and her warm breath on my cheek...

What the fuck?

Were it not for the intervention of a "cute" bunny this would be a Frankspencer story up there with the best of them. The vicious little bastard had an ulterior motive for leaping into my lap. My hand brushed my thigh and discovered that I had in fact been nothing more than a bunny toilet given the amount of rabbit crap on me. Worse still was the wet patch on the sofa cushion where he'd been peeing right next to me.

So that's it. My bunny experience has consisted of having shitty bedding hurled at me, being scratched, having my wallet savaged and worst of all put right off my stroke by a conniving floppy eared and fluffy tailed overgrown rat.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 11 Jun 2007, 10:48, Reply)