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Apologise for length in advance, but I've got a lot of crazy pets. Here's a small selection.
There's Rocky, the pony. We think he's a little bit gay. Attaches himself to other male horses, without a glance at the girls. Has also tried to mount a few.... He hates getting his feet wet, and dances round puddles like an eejit, squealing. He also won't wee on solid ground, cos of the splash that hits his legs. With the result that many times he was taken to shows in a horse box, we arrive, check him, and he has the most strained look on his face. Pure pain. So first job is to take him out to a place with lots of grass so he can relieve himself. I've seen him walk bow-legged with the strain of holding it in. He's great craic though. Checks your pockets for treats when he sees you, and takes the piss big time with my mother. (But not with anyone else).
I also had a Netherland dwarf rabbit, that was tiny, but big on attitude. He actually thought he was a dog. He was as sweet as pie with me, but attacked everyone else. Even sent my poor brother to the doctor when he latched onto little bros arm, and hung off him. For, like, AGES. Kinda funny looking back, so see my brother running round the garden screaming, with this tiny rabbit hanging off him. The rabbit went for walks on a leash and all. (Leash was a Spice Girls bracelet with wool attached. This was the 90's ok??)Humped everything in sight. One day, he was thumping his leg off the ground. I thought "Oh, isn't that what Thumper in Bambii does when he's scared?" Got down on my hands and knees to soothe him, and he did this 360 degree spin, showering me in piss. Lovely. He went missing once. I found him in my neighbours cabbage patch (this was in Ireland. People like cabbage over there) after decimating the cabbage. I took him out and said nothing....
Finally is my current cat. Well, she lives in the home country with the rents now, but she's still mine. :) She's loopy. She likes to play chase, I chase her up the stairs, she chases me down. She often tries so make a quick escape up the stairs, but can't make the tight turn so her arse ends up spinning in the wrong direction, and her front paws desperatly scrabbling. She sleeps in my bed. She seems to get nightmares, which she takes out on me. Once, she lept out of her sleep and landed, claws out in my head. My first reaction was to grab her and fling her on the floor, which led to a very confused cat sitting bewildered on the floor, and and very pissed owner bleeding from the scalp. She didn't come back into my bed that night. She was also a kitten when I had the rabbit. She hated him. She tried to stalk him, but he had like, super hearing, cos he'd cop her, and bounce over to say hello. She'd storm off and try from another direction. If she did manage a run at him, she'd be too scared to actually attack, so would just skim off his back and keep running. I doubt the rabbit even noticed.
So sorry for length, but I'm only new, so it's not my fault... or something.
Oh wait, I think I should have made that into a penis joke. Oops.

Edit: Just forgot, the cat also steals my fathers dirty underwear and hangs them in a tree in the garden. Kinky.
(Beauty School Drop-out, Tue 12 Jun 2007, 17:37, Reply)