Things that made more sense when you were a kid.
When I was a kid I used to love the bit on "Get Your Own Back" when the parent was raised higher above the slime for each correct answer. Looking back, I don't know why.... that parent was going in the slime anyway, what difference does the height make?

What made more sense when you were a kid than it does now?
(Sivvus trolley collision in the fruit aisle led to a jam, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 23:33, Reply)

Foreigners
There always weird and smelly. And when you go abroad you're weird and smelly. I once shit myself in Greece because I didn't know the word for toilet and they were too lazy to learn english.
Tell us your stories of bungling foreigners and your fuck ups when you're a foreigner.
(NuffMuff got into the newsletter by being a nerd on, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 14:47, 2 replies)

Workplace Idiots
Because I have to work with lots of them, and want to know that I'm not the only one.
(SnowyTheRabbit, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 10:01, Reply)

Make Do and Mend

As a deprived estate kid, I only had two Transformers (Grimlock and one of the Insecticons), so to stage major battles, I used to cut out faces and Autobot/Decepticon symbols from Transformers comic, and stick them on the underside of Matchbox cars. turn them on their back end, open the doors for arms, hey presto, Robot!

When needs must, what have you done to save money, or just be a general skinflint?
( Joe Scaramanga SPONSOR ME: SEE MY PROFILE NOW!!!!!, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 9:35, Reply)

Stupid relationships
Ever had that stupid relationship you know wouldn't work / shouldn't work but you just can't for some reason leave / break-up?
i.e. the girl I was with for over 3 years who cheated on me and I begged to have her back only for her to do it again, or my latest who said she had a history of cheating then used that as an excuse saying "you know what I'm like" when she did it to me but I'm too forgiving (however I'm now only full of resentment and don;t want her in anyway but can;t seem to burn the bridges...)... Somehow my only 'good' relationships where everything is rosy is always minus the love...

I'm such a mug sometimes but do you have any stories where you want to end it but something says no even though every part of your brain and body says leave? Let me know...
(Something funny, Wed 18 Nov 2009, 22:00, Reply)

when i was a student i had to live with a right pretentious cunt - rod
he was as poor as a tabloid apology and tight as a fat birds shoe

but he had a hifi that cost the same as a decent car that 'needed' a diamond and gold needle for the turntable that cost 200 quid - in the eighties

he wouldn't let me play 'pump up the jam on it'

who's the most pretentious cunt you've met
(omnishambles ™ has been fucking things up big style since, Wed 18 Nov 2009, 0:25, 1 reply)

the kindness of strangers
A bit of a tonic for all those holiday blues.

When I was young a neighbour that I'd never spoken to before fixed my bike because he saw me trudging home with a flat tyre and felt sorry for me.

Tell us about when someone you didn't know did something nice for you or your own good samaritan deeds, if you feel like gloating.
(Bo Nidle Fighting the tyranny of length gags on, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 21:31, Reply)

Digestion over a thousand years.
I hate the man down the road, he`s horrible.I love star wars. Who would you like to be seen thrown into the Sarlac pit , and slowly digested over thousands of years, brining a new meaning to misery.
ps Gordan Brown and the cabinet went in straight after my neighbour,so use your imagination you all.
(rural confucious, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:49, Reply)

What do you mean, you haven't seen it?
I never fail to be amazed by the indignant shock shown so by so many people when I reluctantly admit I haven't seen a "classic" film.

Alright, so I haven't seen the Godfather films. I've never seen One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. I've never seen Bladerunner. I've never seen Gone With The Wind. Sorry, I guess I never got around to watching them.

What haven't you done that it seems like everyone else in living memory has?
(d371ght back again since, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 9:14, 1 reply)

Awkward moments......
Me mum recently went to a doctors for a mammogram, and the young doc asks her if it's ok to place some sensors on her chest. After me mum whaps her bits out and the doc sticks the sensors on he announces "Oh by the way, I was in school with Jeccius you know...."

Have you experienced anything as awkward as this? Discuss :)
( Jeccius Oops, finished MW2 already :p, Mon 16 Nov 2009, 11:12, 3 replies)

Kicked out, Banned and Barred
I've been banned from a couple of pubs in my youth as well as as a chinese resturaunt. None of which was my fault. Honest guv.

Been kicked out by surly landlords for having a good time? Given marching orders by cunty partner for daring to have friends or was your banishment totally deserved cos you're a smelly twat?

Tell us your kicked out stories...
(TheMattInAHat thinks you are a stinky ucky pants, Sun 15 Nov 2009, 22:22, Reply)

I would like to ask here
Barring this week and last, isn't QOTW not supposed to be repeated? Or can the suggestions not be repeats? Or does no one really care?
edit: last week was not a repeat. I meant the week before.
(CactusZack is shitting himself with apathy, Sun 15 Nov 2009, 3:25, 1 reply)

They had it coming...

Tell us your tales of when you've watched or taken part in the dishing out of a sixpack of cummuppence on some git who quite frankly deserved it?

Or perhaps you've crossed the line yourself and didn't realise it until you were ousted for being the fruity freak that you doubtlessly are?

(Honda Accords optional)
(Mr Twisty Cheeky is the worst kept secret in B3ta, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 11:07, 3 replies)

Bleach My Eyes
I once saw a rather large lady getting attention from three drunk fella's in a carpark. Imagine three midgets trying to catch a dinosaur with 6 inch spears and you're still not even close. What horrors have you seen that are burned in your mind forever?
(McJuurgensHaircut is authorised and regulated by your mum., Thu 12 Nov 2009, 10:11, 1 reply)

B3tan OCD
why not spend the week telling us about the little self imposed rituals you all have in your day to day lives, and any other personal habits bordering on OCD
( The Great Architect, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 20:01, 2 replies)

I'm not gay, but.....
Wish I had a pound for every time someone said 'I'm not gay but', and then on to tell the gayest of tales. So ....
(reinvented, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 19:47, 2 replies)

Missed opportunities
Some years back I left my mobile phone switched off and missed out on the opportunity to be on the Radio 4 farming programme (I'm rock and roll, me!) and I once almost missed answering a mystery voice quiz on the radio because I was in the loo - I ran out just in time and gave the wrong answer live to the whole county while my knickers were around my ankles.

So what opportunities have you missed or almost missed because you were otherwise occupied?
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 13:45, Reply)

Charity
Children in Need is approaching. I hate these national telethon type extortion rackets with a passion. To the point that I’d rather take the day off work than be subjected to yet another cake sale or some senior manager mincing round the office dressed like Scooby Doo.

Last year, my point was proved when one of the managers was asking for sponsorship in order for them to sit in a bath of jelly. He raised about fifty quid. However, he spent closer to a hundred quid getting the bath, jelly and ridiculous costume sorted out. If he’d not bothered with his ‘stunt’ more poor kids with ASBO’s could have been given a PS3 and a week in Centre Parcs.

Tell me your stories of charity – be it as the fund raiser or as a guilt ridden punter who for an easy life, would rather put their coins in a bucket and be allowed to go about their business.

And if you want to wear your casual clothes whilst answering this question, I’ll need 50p off you.
(Mullered now has reflective shot. He also needs food, badly, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 10:16, Reply)

Something about films
I don't know films havn't been on there yet i don't think. You do the hard work.
(NuffMuff got into the newsletter by being a nerd on, Tue 10 Nov 2009, 10:48, Reply)

Gifts of Fail
Just got off the phone from the Mrs. Told her I’ve sorted a night out over Christmas for the both of us down on the Southbank. Got the impression she’s expecting dinner, candles, champagne… What she’s actually getting is the opportunity to watch Avatar at the Imax. Don’t think she’ll find aliens and big fuck off guns particularly romantic (even though they are in 3D on the biggest cinema screen in Britain). Might have to sort out a meal pretty sharpish or risk losing my sex privileges.

It’s that time of year again. Ever got a tubby girlfriend an exercise dvd, accidentally mixed up the boxes and given your mum a dildo? Ever been given a big box of gay porn by your best mate that you’ve stupidly opened round Christmas lunch in front of your extended family? Tell us about your dodgy Xmas gifts of fail.
(SpankyHanky, Mon 9 Nov 2009, 16:48, Reply)

Obsession
Is there something about which you obsess, can you find time to obsess over your obsession, is it becoming too obsessive? Obsessive Compulsive Disorder come into play at all? Wish you didn't obsess about what you don't want to and more time to focus on that thing which you'd ideally like to obsess over?
(Christian's Bolt and Ski, Sun 8 Nov 2009, 2:31, Reply)

Hedonistic debauchery
Life can be pretty dull. But today I spiced things up by purchasing two - count them - TWO, Cadburys Cream Eggs. Might keep one and feed it to the sex gimp I've got living in my attic in exchange for a spot Friday night skat action later...

Put down the wine, the teenage prostitutes, the goat dressed up like Lucy Lawless out of Xena Warrior Princess and tell us about your flagrant acts of wanton hedonistic debauchery.
(SpankyHanky, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 13:03, 1 reply)

Learning to Fry
I'd like to think I can cook quite well these days, but it was a different story when I first left home and moved away to uni, and much of my cooking 'technique' was based on daft ideas which seemed logical at the time. I've not been allowed to forget the time I tried to make a cheese sauce to go with some pasta and got it horribly, horribly wrong - it turned out as a sort of broth, which could only be described as "yellow, with lumps."

It wouldn't have been so bad if it had only been me eating the damn thing.

So, in the hope that this will generate some hilarious and disgusting stories, rather than boring foody threads: how many of your culinary experiments have gone completely tits up, to great embarrassment (or greater indigestion)? Alternatively, how many times have you been forced to alter or experiment with recipes ("Onions? I'm out of onions! I'll have to use...jam!") and invented something which was actually really nice?
(The Supreme Crow has a bass-induced bone-on, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:29, 1 reply)

Fluff v Anti-fluff
I've seen kittens being born and been attacked by a nest of wasps; there are plenty of stories of fluff/anti-fluff out there, but which one rules?
( Jimbuktu has more tshirts up www.swishswosh.com/JayTee, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 15:50, Reply)

Parenting Tips
What have you learnt as a child that's held you in good stead in your life? What have you as a parent taught your child?

I fucking SICK of bad parenting!
(QuackCandle Forget neil king cock i'm paddy pantsdown, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 3:06, Reply)

family feuds
My bro in law still insists that he was sent to the shops to buy an onion and his family went away on a daytrip while he was gone. My brothers once argued about the chord on a doors song. What other 'discussions' have people had and what were the consequences?
(pooster, Wed 4 Nov 2009, 23:04, 3 replies)

Cock Ups
I once failed to meet some people I was going on holiday with for the flight. Because I'd accidentally gone to the wrong airport.

What have you cocked up quite monumentally?
(SnowyTheRabbit, Wed 4 Nov 2009, 15:55, Reply)

Paranormal?
I see dead people.... Does anyone else?
(TheFinch is eating all your secrets., Wed 4 Nov 2009, 15:05, 3 replies)

Hidden talents
What's your hidden talent? Do you use it for good or for evil?

Amaze us.
( Enzyme is in ur [noun]z, [verb]in' ur [noun]z, Wed 4 Nov 2009, 11:32, 2 replies)

What the hell have I done?
Have you ever looked at yourself/your actions and thought, even fleetingly, what the hell have I just done? I have to confess that this was my first thought when my son was plonked on my chest, purple, slimy, and screaming, immediately after he'd been born. And I still sometimes think it when he vomits down my top after a feed.
(vitamin c is sitting down carefully, Wed 4 Nov 2009, 11:30, Reply)