Mate's drunked engagement night.
This is one of me greatest regrets.

My mate Jason got engaged to a lovely girl called Trudy a few years (they're still together, expecting their second child this week, good luck!). At the time of the engagement, Truds was living in a student home close to Swansea City Centre with 5 other ladies. A few of them were quite lovely, but were either taken or lesbians. I mean they were mostly lesbians, they had the membership cards to proove it.
Me n Jason got to know her flatmates, and when the engagement night occured we ended up being dragged to a gayclub (called the H2O). Me and Jason were a bit dubious, but our resistance to attending had faultered after the first drink (a pint of vodka and coke each with 3/4's vodka would do it).
We stumble in and have a good night. I get ratted, and half-fall asleep on a table where a barman who resembled Curly Watts tried chatting me up, and almost got twatted by an empty bottle of Bud.
At the end of the night, we all stumble outside and jump in a taxi back to the student home, all completely mullered. Jas and Truds head off to their room for some "celebrating", and I'm left on my tod in the kitchen. One of the girls there asks if I want to sleep on the floor in her room as she has a spare pull-out matress. Hell sure, says Jeccy, and praise her with thanks and happiness (and slurring). I wander into her room, pull out the matress and collapse on it. She opens a cupboard, pulls out a spare duvet and pillow, and I thank her and start drifting off.
She hops into the bed just beside the matress, turns the light off and starts to go to sleep also.
5 minutes later, I'm almost flaked out and I hear the bedroom door open. In walks one of the lesbians, who asks the charitable girl "Oh, can I sleep at the end of your bed?". Yes was the reply, and lesbian hops into the bed. I'm a bit drunk, so I don't really think anything of this, until 5 minutes later I hear one of them say "I can't do this, this isn't right."

HELLO.

I fake a yawn, and roll over on the matress to face them (slick drunk Jeccy, real slick). Neither of them notice as they start munching away like a fat-club reunion. Not saying that they were fat, they were both quite fit too. Amazing. Except...in my drunked state, I felt guilty. Because I knew both of these girls, I felt as if I was intruding on their private life, and didn't want to embarass them.
They went at it for what seemed like 2 fucking hours, until we all fell asleep.
The next morning, I woke up and one of the lesbo's arse's was hanging over the side of the bed right by my head (I jumped backwards in fright, caught me right off-guard as the first sight of the morning). I got up and promptly legged it while they were still out cold.

DRINK IS A ALIEN!!!!!!! FUCKING MIND CONTROL TWAT!!!!!I COULD'VE TRIED TO HOP IN, THEY MUST'VE BEEN GAME TO HAVE IT OFF NEXT TO ME, BUT OHHHHHHH NO, FUCKING ALCOHOL CUNT, STOPPED ME HAVING THE NIGHT OF MY LIFE, STUPID CUNTING VODKA TWAT FUCKER!!!!!!

Still, two weeks later I fucked this pair of right tarts in a flat up the road, oh well, what comes around I suppose :D
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Mon 9 Oct 2006, 11:38, Reply)