Marrakech - pretty but stinks of piss
Earlier this year my girlfriend and I hitchhiked to Morocco for charity. More details in future QOTWs no doubt (assuming someone raises "The dumbest thing you've ever done in a French truckstop"). Upon arrival we headed for Marrakech because, well, that's where the guidebooks said was bestest. My only basis for comparison is a film from 1942 about a small town called Casablanca, which has apparently gone downhill since the invention of colour.

There was much about Morocco that came as a culture shock; once you get into a taxi you can't help but notice that everyone drives like a psychopath who's late for their next hit, many of the streets absolutely reek of piss because donkeys are popular but sanitation isn't, and everyone wants to sell you something. Seriously. EVERYone. Suffice to say it takes some getting used to. The streets are narrow and you're flanked by stalls everywhere you go - more accurately, you're flanked by about 8 or 9 different stalls repeating themselves every few metres; orange juice, olives, carpets, football shirts, glassware, shoes, bags, knock-off DVDs, etc.

Obviously being European you're an absolute beacon for thousands of different sales pitches (the rucksacks that had accompanied us through France and Spain may have screamed "tourist" as well) but you learn to block it out - something you learn very quickly is that if you respond, even slightly, just a shake of the head and a polite "no, thank you", the recipient of your attention will consider the sale complete and follow you until you cave. Now, I hate ignoring people, it makes me feel awful, but by the third day I was just plain annoyed. So I thought, let's have some fun.

Oh dear.

One thing I have to say about the people of Marrakech is that they're intensely resourceful. And the whole time we were there we didn't have any problems with the language barrier; everyone spoke at least rudimentary English. But I thought, I'm safe with German, right? Why would anyone in Marrakech speak German? So I turn to this parcularly insistent carpet salesman and say "Sprechen sie Deutsch?", thinking, aha, this'll flummox him, what a clever fellow I am. FFS...

Yeah, he answered, in German. Perfect fucking German. Well, it sounded pretty good, the only words in German I know are "Sprechen sie Deutsch" and, bizarrely, "Schwarzwelde Kirschtorte" which means black forest gateau. This was of little help to me as he realised I was English and began haranguing me endlessly about how we Europeans think we're so superior, etc. He had a point. I was caught red-handed in the act of being a prize dickhead. Had to buy a carpet to shut him up.

Length? 6' by 3', and it didn't even fly
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 3 Nov 2009, 10:22, 9 replies)

Stinks of piss
because you were at a tannery? :P One of the strangest spectacles I have witnessed: A man in a tannery in Meknes, wiping his knob on a rusty drainpipe. I still can't work out why.

Me and a couple of mates drove down to and around Morocco about 5 years ago. It meant we didn't have backpacks, but we were still hounded. Well, they were. I was mistaken for a local most of the time.

I found the best way to get rid of salesmen was to run away :)
(tweebianmonkey Should be known as Widget, Tue 3 Nov 2009, 10:32, closed)

Sounds a lot like Tunisia
I hated it, couldnt wait to come home, and i'm not some untravelled oik who has only ever been to Spain and refused to leave the "English Pub".

The place was disgusting and the people were horrible. The end.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 3 Nov 2009, 10:32, closed)

Tis a bit weird
After the initial culture shock had faded I quite enjoyed the place, but after two days you've seen it all and there's nowt left to do. Lack of beer didn't help
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 3 Nov 2009, 10:37, closed)

German Speakers!
Ha! I too played the "I'm German" card in Marrakech, only to discover that the bloke who wanted to take me to "The Big Square" was equally conversant in Deutsch! Felt a right tit at that!

Strange place, one end of Marrakech is quite modern and westernised, the old town bit is just bizarre. Wouldn't say I didn't enjoy the holiday, but wouldn't say I'd go back either!
(Martin3112, Tue 3 Nov 2009, 11:05, closed)

Hang about
You played the German card in Marrakech and your name's Martin? Um, you're not me are you? Cos if you are, you made a hell of a mess in the toilet earlier and have some serious explaining to do
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 3 Nov 2009, 11:31, closed)

Berlin
also reeks of piss. Maybe there is a link there which explains the knowledge of German.
(ignoramusaurus, Tue 3 Nov 2009, 11:30, closed)

I loved Marrakech
Was a bit of a culture shock getting dropped off in the centre after 3 days in the desert though - the 3 of us huddling together scared shitless of the taxis flying EVERYWHERE...

I did find that my French is pretty good though...
( snee held his breath since, Tue 3 Nov 2009, 14:27, closed)

I loved Marrakech
I lived in Tanger for a while and
saw loads of Morocco, got to say
Casablanca was like blackpool,
endless cafes and no real identity
apart from the mosque *one of the
only ones non Muslims are allowed
into in Maroc. Marrakech with its
snake charmers and souk was good time.
Anywhere you go in poorer countries you
will be hounded by beggars. I found the
best way to get rid of them was to say,
i live here in Arabic..
( Trollman, Tue 3 Nov 2009, 17:26, closed)

That's.. magic
Yep, piss and diesel we reckoned. Did you notice how the only way you knew where 'tourist attractions' were were by the number of times you got hassled, and that shops sold film nearby.
Perhaps the oddest thing, is the way you can go into the souks and do three left turns on an apparently straight set of roads, and not end up anywhere near where you started.
We were not alone in this - v. odd. Never figured it out.
(Countryslicker, Wed 4 Nov 2009, 15:09, closed)