Be dishonest
if you buy a lot of stuff off the net, you will invariably come into contact with shit couriers. At some point, these shite couriers (Home Delivery Network, I'm looking at you!) will leave your purchase in your bin, next to your front door or just in the street next to where they stopped their van in the fucking rain.

Bring your purchases into your house and use them as you intended.

After a couple of days, contact whoever you bought said items from and tell them they haven't arrived. Following the usual "give it a few weeks and see if it shows up" delay, they will send you your order once more. Return this second order and get your monaey back.

I have never done this, not me, no never.
(ScousersPet, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:00, 2 replies)

Aha...
I work for a company who use HDNL, and they are fucking weapons-grade useless. We also use a couple of other companies. We recently got a call from a bloke who found one of our parcels in his hedge while he was tidying his garden. A few hours later, there's a white van parked outside and somebody rooting through his bushes. Thieving bastards...

The couriers deserve everything they get, they have strict instructions from our company not to leave anything without a signature but they do it all the time. They lose it, we claim from them for losing it.
( His Popiness the Hole Invaded Poland on, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 22:54, closed)

Some years ago...
...I purchased a book online. A real book. I needed it the next day for a project I was working on so I paid extra for the next day delivery, only it didn't turn up. I phoned the retailer who gave me the number for the delivery people.

"It's not turned up" says I.
"It's been signed for" says them.
"Prove it" says I. So they email over a copy of the delivery note, which had, indeed, been signed for.

By A. Porch

I shit you not. The retailer sent out a replacement the following day with their apologies. Delivery companies are run by twunts and they employ twunts. I make no apologies if you happen to work for one of these companies - it only makes you a twunt.
(Captain Skippy pooed in a bag and left it on your doorstep, Sat 12 Nov 2011, 9:23, closed)