shame!
last year i had this HUGE crush on a guy.. at the time he was my manager but he was my age and i never took any sort of direction from him anyway - so to me he was just an ordinary guy - and he was leading me on.. making suggestive comments about wanting to be with me and all this sort of crap

anyway he ended up getting fired for stealing money but told me he'd be out partying that weekend and told me to come out and meet up with him as well and we'd have a fun time - stupid me thinking "ooh, here's my chance FINALLY" being so head over heels, went out and drank an entire bottle of ouzo.

Went into the club and looked around for him, only to find him not there. Started trying to pash my sister (!) and then went to get some water, fell down and couldn't get up so was escorted outside with my sister on one side and some random other guy on the other - my sister reckons she just grabbed some random guy just to stop me from cracking onto her.. so said random guy was apparently kissing me for a good half an hour.. i can't even remember if it happened or not.. i have absolutely no memory of it at all

sister tells me that i crash tackled one of the bouncers and kept calling him "shannon" and tried to dry hump him and told him i loved him (i didn't even know this guy.. some indian dude) and then i screamed at my sister to go over to this guy that i was in love withs house to see why he wasn't at the club.

get there, he comes outside and sees me in the car passed out.. my sister and him and his brother were talking for nearly an hour until i finally come to.. spot the guy, start yelling all sorts of abuse at him (this is at 2am in a quiet suburban town btw) and then proceeded to tell him how much i loved him and cried to him asking him why he doesn't love me and then telling him again how much i love him and wish he loved me too..

he was just about to give me a hug (probably out of pity) when i threw up all over myself, and started blowing my nose into my hand and wiping it on myself. Seeing this made him vomit, and his brother, seeing him vomit, also started to vomit. He then went inside and told me to go home and sleep it off and my sister started driving me home. I didn't want to go home so i jump out of this moving car and start searching for his house. I ended up in some different street banging on some random womans door yelling out for this guy, and then went and sat on a traffic island and waited for my sister to come back and pick me up.

i vowed never to drink again, but then did a few months after and got absolutely shitfaced at a coworkers 40th (with 200+ guests there) and decided i loved my new manager and sent him some text message declaring undying love for him.

I then stole his bottle of wine, drank it from the bottle, sat for a little bit, and then vomitted all over the dancefloor, where people started slipping over in my vomit. I was escorted outside again where after a lot of crying, I passed out. My sister came again and picked me up, dropped me off at my brand new car that i had left at my coworkers house, and followed her home, drunk as a motherfucker.

work the following monday was hell.. no one would look at me or talk to me.. but then my manager comes up to me and goes "can i have a word please?" and we go outside

he mentions this text message i sent him and told me that he was going to pretend it never happened and told me that everything between me and him was fine.. but then stopped talking to me for a good 2 months after, then goes off on stress leave after nearly having a heart attack (at 33) and found another job.

i can't help but feel partly responsible for him leaving.. but i don't care that he's not there anymore.. i'm just so ashamed about the whole thing
(brotagaia, Sun 27 Nov 2005, 10:14, Reply)