Vacuum Brain
My vacuum cleaner was in need of a a new beater brush and after a quick trawl on the net I rang a supplier and got through to a very dopey sounding girl who sounded like she should still be at school.

After giving her the make and model number three times, the conversation went something like this:

Spares supplier "What's your first name?
Me "Stephen - with a ph"
Spares supplier (spelling it out) "Is that S T E P H V E N?"
Me "No, there is No V in Stephen"
Spares supplier "What is the part you require?"
Me "It's the Beater Brush"
Spares Supplier "Duh wossit look like?"
Me "Think of a rolling pin with brushes attached to it!"
Spares Supplier "Oh yeah, I know what yer mean"

My address and card details were slowly taken down with much repetition, biting of the lip and resisting the temptation to ask to speak to a grown-up.

Finally I was asked my email address: "stephen(dot)vambo(at)some(hyphen)"
I was asked "Wossa hyphen?" "It's a dash!" I said.
"Duh is that like a takeaway?" "Yes I replied and gave the rest of the email address.

"Right" she said, "I'll just read that back to you: stephen(dot)vambo(at)some(takeaway)company(dot)co(dot)uk"
( Vambo, Mon 22 Mar 2010, 12:50, 3 replies)

Spellings
I've lost count of the number of times that I've told people - apparently educated people - that you spell my name the Scottish way, with two "I"s, only to get things addressed to someone called Iian.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Mon 22 Mar 2010, 16:17, closed)

I've got a mate called Euan.
He's given up on having other people spell his name right.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 22 Mar 2010, 23:52, closed)

Sadly
I get this all too often.

Mainly at the council. Recently they couldn't get it into their heads that I'd moved house - despite me phoning them to let them know.

Eventually, after 9 letters, 3 emails and a letter from my MP, I get a letter from them that I simply just cannot understand; I don't think it's English, but there is a smattering of English words in it.

I phoned once again, and after about 30 mins I just gave up. The woman just could not understand why I hadn't paid 300 quid a month, instead of the amount I was supposed to, despite never having had a bill from them.

It's still going on now - I have a court date soon to explain why I haven't paid council tax. I just hope the judge has more common sense than the people enforcing these laws.
(dchurch bah, Mon 22 Mar 2010, 21:19, closed)