Well, that taught 'emSammi Evil Nice writes "I shared with two students, and it was always the same; whenever it was near to paytime, my milk *and only this* would disappear.
One of them, John, was a lovely bloke but allergic to nuts. John makes tea. Soon after, John starts swelling up.
ME: Runs, administers epi-pen. "You're going into anaphalactic shock."
HIM: "How do you know?"
ME: "I put almond oil in my milk."
What have you done to teach somebody a lesson?
(, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 14:54)
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ChristiansI had the misfortune to fall in with a number of Christians at university (I was trying to get in one's pants) and soon discovered that they were all colossal hypocrites: boasting about how they read the whole Bible every night and prayed until their hands bled etc, when in fact they were all back-biting, bitching and immoral liars.
One of them was a wanking addict. Every night, he'd be tugging himself crippled. But because he was a Christian, he'd only tug with a condom (?). And because he didn't want any other Christians to see him buying johnnies, he got me to do it for him. Flavoured ones were his favourite.
One evening in the Union bar, I emerged from the lavs with his condoms to see that most of the Christian Club had come to sit with him. I couldn't resist. I whistled across the bar to get their attention, and frisbeed the packet of rubbers towards my tugging pal.
All eyes followed that small box as it coasted, spinning, through the smoky air. Perfectly thrown, it landed with a plop right in the middle of the table where they were sitting.
"There's your condoms, Paul!" I shouted. And they all stared at his beetroot, sweating face with earnest enquiry as to why he - a believer in the Risen Lord - would require a pack of johnnies.
That'll teach him for praising the Lord and pleasuring himself on the sly. (Another time, when he was piss drunk, we left him in a shopping trolley outside the front door of the university clergyman, rang the doorbell and ran away)
(, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 15:40, Reply)
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