Stupid fat lodger
I used to have this stupid fat lodger a few years ago, and while he was basically a lovely sweet and fantastically generous guy, he had two main drawbacks. He wasn't really housetrained , so never did and cleaning or washing up, but far far far worse, he was a snorer.
Now Mr Steve mansions, (or Casa Esteban as we like to call it) is a big old Victorian terraced job, and there was a good 30 feet between Fatboy's room and mine, yet his snoring would keep me awake at night. Sometimes he would punctuate this with odd shouts and cries in his sleep. Given that he was a Roleplayer at the weekends his dream-shouts tended to sound like the Lord of the Rings and Hawk the Slayer. Not great!
So after about six months of this I decided to take action, and devised a cunning plan. Over a few beers that night I told him about his sleep-talking habit, and how it and his chronic snoring were going to put off any ladies he managed to lure to bed. (He was the original 30 year old virgin.) Fatboy attempts to make light of this, but his curiosity got the better of him, and he asked what he'd been talking about.
I told him he'd been syaing things like:
"Oh Mum, that's fantastic, yes, Mum, you're the best. Oh god Mum, do me tonight."

Fatboy goes purple and flees the pub. I guess he had the last laugh though, since he never did anything about his snoring/sleep apneoaeoaoeioi(stop it, you can't spell and your just making it up now.) Eventually he moved out and I lost the £400 a month rent, but at least I get a decent nights kip now.
(Mr Steve is jobless and fancyfree!, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 16:49, Reply)