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This is a question The Boss

My chief at a large retail chain used to decide on head office redundancies by chanting "One potato, two potato" over the staff list. Tell us about your mad psycho bosses - collect your P45 on the way out.

Bruce Springsteen jokes = Ban, ridicule

(, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:06)
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Headhunted, bit long but it's painful
I used to work for a pretty cool company. I was hired young and the job looked like a dream: lots of business travel, good tools and kit, even trust and respect from senior management that meant we could largely get on with the job without much interference. My colleagues were fantastic people; the workplace was so diverse it made a mobile phone commercial look like a Klan meeting and there was a really amazing team spirit there. I knew I was happy. Obviously placing such trust in a new hire was a risk for the company, so I was paired up with a more senior contractor for the first couple of years. He acted as a mentor to me, showing me the ropes and helping me sort out any trouble I caused. Unfortunately, that's where the trouble started.

Being 21 and in such a position I am ashamed to say that I got a bit arrogant. After a year or so I began to resent my mentor's constant interference and advice. I thought I knew it all and I didn't want his help. I also suspected him of taking some of the credit for work I'd done with a particuarly difficult client. I'd got to know the industry pretty well by then and I knew the competition were always on the lookout. I wasn't about to approach them directly, but if anything came my way I knew in my selfish heart that I'd happily jump ship. My ego was so great that I actually believed the company would collapse if I left! I cringe now.

Months passed and no word from the competition. I grew more resentful of my present company (I was a massive, egocentric shit at the time.) One day my mentor and I got the job to go and represent the company at a major conference. While there, a chance meeting with the owner of our biggest competitor changed everything.

He flattered me. Courted me, almost. He made it crystal clear that I was exactly the sort of chap he was looking for; I agonised about my overbearing mentor. He reassured me that I was "clearly ready" to be cut loose; I began to see that his operation wasn't as bad as I'd been led to believe. Eventually I agreed to work for his group for a massive raise and a position of power right from the start.

I didn't tell my employers straight away. Rather disgustingly I agreed to do some industrial espionage for my new boss. I did more work, hoping to please him, but I wasn't happy. His flattery and charm was changing, too, warping into something darker. I began to realise I was getting out of my depth, quickly. I knew I could turn to my former mentor for help, but in my hubris I thought I could extract myself. How wrong I was.

By the time I was ordered to murder the younglings there was no way out. The emperor really is a bastard of a boss.
(, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 13:01, 7 replies)
This is first class...

Normally I can spot one of these a mile off - but this one kept me going.

I even had to think back afterwards to recall the industrial espionage bit...and I call myself a fan?

/is ashamed

I'm off now to atone by whipping myself blurry with a plastic lightsabre whilst wearing a gold bikini.

*clicks*
(, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 13:09, closed)
Cheers
"I'm off now to atone by whipping myself blurry with a plastic lightsabre
whilst wearing a gold bikini."

Ah, self flagelleiation.
(, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 13:19, closed)
nice!
sussed it by the 2nd paragraph, but only because every second reply on here these days seems to be a pun or a movie-tie in thing so i'm half expecting it to be one all the time anyway
(, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 15:40, closed)
Great,
Loved it, even found myself re-reading it.

Clicks.
(, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 16:03, closed)
Top form!!!
Jolly good show, old chap! (This is fucking great)!!!
(, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 16:38, closed)
Referencing a reference
You're Mr Stephens! Head of catering, right?
(, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 16:45, closed)
Noooo!
My younglings!

Epic stuff, clueless until the 'something darker'.
(, Wed 24 Jun 2009, 14:28, closed)

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