Things that make you go "Arghnoshutupshutup!"
First thing that springs to mind is the incident where a friend of ours managed to get a mutual aquaintence to reveal certain intimate measurements by pretending to be a dirty little cumslut (a role he played far too well), mentally scarring all who were in on it.
Earlier during the whole affair 'Sarah' had sent our gullible victim a text asking if he would "Stick your Willy Wonka in my Oompa-Loompa?" The reply "I'd rather stick my cock in your tight pussy ;-)" still equally amuses and horrifies us to this day.

A second, slightly less relevant story concerns a ladyfriend of mine who had a slight tendancy to not be able to hold her drink too well. It was thus that, after a few glasses of the old vino, she turned to me and asked me, perhaps louder than was necessary*, what I thought of her then boyfriend pausing in the middle of sex to answer his phone.

That was rather too much information for me, and it was certainly too much for the people sitting at the next table, who had the dubious pleasure of overhearing.

I steered the conversation to a different topic before she had a chance to broadcast anything about length.

*In a similar situation, we were all sitting quietly in the bar, when our friend suddenly yelled out "That girl there just farted!" loud enough for half the room to hear. The guilty lass almost wept.
(Uncle Comrade, Thu 6 Sep 2007, 15:55, Reply)